


Birds in a cage

by Reader202020



Category: Torchwood
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Explicit Language, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Smut, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 54,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26988724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reader202020/pseuds/Reader202020
Summary: “It was then that it happened, the moment that he would remember forever. The moment that he would keep replaying in his head.The moment when he tripped. It all happened in a fraction of seconds: his legs gave out, he slammed his head hard against the sand, his hand slipped from his brother’s. From the ground he called him with weak voice, but his brother kept running, like he didn’t realized what just happened. He tried to get up with the little strength that he had left, but it was already too late, he felt someone grab him form behind; he struggled against the grip, desperately calling out for his brother, his father, his mother, but he couldn’t do anything as a felt something puncture his neck and the last thing he saw was his brother horrified eyes as he hurried back to help him, then his vision turned to black.”Or: Ianto and Gray share the same past. How will Jack and Ianto react when they discover that they have much more in common than they thought.(Eventual Janto)
Relationships: Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Lisa Hallett/Ianto Jones, Owen Harper/Toshiko Sato
Comments: 16
Kudos: 43





	1. The Rise Of Ianto Jones

**Author's Note:**

> tw for this chapter: violence/gore, language
> 
> disclaimers: I don’t own torchwood, all rights to BCC! Don’t mind the grammatical errors english is not my first language <3 (also, medical inaccuracies, since I’m not a doctor ;)

He was running, his feet burning against the hot sand, his whole body sweating, making the grip on his bother’s hand almost impossible to hold. People were screaming from everywhere, his sibling was shouting at him to hurry up, pulling his arm, but his brain was so crowded with panic that he couldn’t come up with a response other than dragging another heavy breath. 

It was then that it happened, the moment that he would remember forever. The moment that he would keep replaying in his head. 

The moment when he tripped. It all happened in a fraction of seconds: his legs gave out, he slammed his head hard against the sand, his hand slipped from his brother’s. From the ground he called him with weak voice, but his brother kept running, like he didn’t realized what just happened. He tried to get up with the little strength that he had left, but it was already too late, he felt someone grab him form behind; he struggled against the grip, desperately calling out for his brother, his father, his mother, but he couldn’t do anything as a felt something puncture his neck and the last thing he saw was his brother horrified eyes as he hurried back to help him, then his vision turned to black.

***

The first time he woke up, it was for all the crying. It was filling his ears in the worst way possible. He found himself in a dark room, arms and legs tied up. It took a couple of minutes, but when his eyes finally accustomed to the darkness, he saw that the room was full of children, thirty or forty of them, a little younger or older than him, all tied up and squished against each other. He realized that they were on something moving, since he could feel the vibration from the ground where he was seated. They were probably on a spaceship. 

“I want my mum!”

“Dad! Daddy? Where are you?”

“Leigh are you there?”

“Mama?!”

“Mummy?!?”

“Where are we?”

“I wanna go home!”

These were the cries that ringed loudly in his ears. He considered himself a good kid, he never cried when he didn’t want to do something, or when he accidentally hurt himself. But he was so frightened right now, that he couldn’t help but sob when the kid next to him, that seemed a little older than him whispered “They got us. We are never going home. We are dead.” 

After a while, the sobs didn’t subside at all, but a door suddenly opened in front of him, the white light that appeared was so bright that all the children groaned and their eyes closed.

From the door an arm launched a device in the room, it hit a kid that cried out loud, then it beeped and gas started to come from it. It filled the room and everything went black again. 

When he woke up the second time, he was in another room, more precisely in a prison cell, since there were bars on one side, and concrete walls on the others. The ground was immobile under him, no vibrations. It was much smaller than the first one, it was also dark but there was a faint light coming from out of the cell somewhere. There was a toilet on one side, and a cot on the other. However, the latter was at the moment occupied by another kid. The only person except him in the cell. The other person was definitely a male, and seemed human like him. He had brown hair that arrived at the length of his ears. He was quite tall since he occupied almost all the cot’s length. He seemed older than him and younger than his brother. The guy was wearing plain shorts and a vest, both grey but from the look of it they were probably originally white and then got dirty. His feet were bare. His arms and legs were wrapped in bandages, that he assumed were also under his vest. From his face he could see his skin, it was so pale that it mustn’t have seen sunlight in weeks, making him look almost fluorescent in the darkness.

He looked down to himself and the first thing he noticed was that he was no longer tied up. The second thing he saw was that he was still wearing the clothes from that morning at the beach, a light white t-shirt and swim trunks, his feet also bare. 

He squinted his eyes to see if the person lying on his stomach there was sleeping. His gaze was encountered by the clearest blue eyes he ever saw. He stilled, his eyes widening a little, daring the guy to do or say something. The kid’s eyes also widened, but then returned to normal; he didn’t move from his position, but he surprisingly smirked and said “Hey there stranger.”

Ah, hell, he was speaking in galactic standard. He didn’t know why he assumed that the other guy was also from Boeshane but he kinda hoped he could speak english. ‘ _Whatever_ ’ he thought, it was at this moment that he thanked his mum for insisting on speaking two languages in the house, making him and his brother almost fluent in both english, the official language spoken on the peninsula, his native language; and galactic standard, that he was learning at school but also spoke it with his mother’s relatives, since she wasn’t originally from there. 

“Hey” he finally responded, his voice a little uncertain.

The guy smiled, still not moving a limb. 

“I was worried you were never gonna wake up” his voice was soothing. 

“Sorry...I breathed some kind of sleeping gas, I don’t know how long I was out.” He said apologetically even though everything that happened wasn’t his fault.

“I know...don’t worry, you were not out for long since they dropped you here” his smile still kind, his voice sounded like a gentle whisper. 

“I’m very confused, where is here?” He asked, letting his gaze wander again on the cell.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” 

“I was at the beach with my family. Me and my brother were playing tag, just an usual weekend. And then from out of nowhere, huge spaceships started shooting from the sky. People were screaming, my parents started to run, and told my brother to grab me and also start to run. We did, but while we were running I tripped. Something took me and other children, and now I’m here with you.” He tried not to cry, but he whined a bit in the last part, a single tear scrolling down his face since he was very upset but also trying to appear strong. 

“My father told me that the alliance between the  _ Skartensen  _ and the _ Kraals  _ was defeated and that their foray and invasion times were over.” He continued nervously. 

The boy on the bed’s smile this time was more sad “I’m afraid that your father has lied to you to keep you from worrying. Because the things that captured you were for sure _Kraals_ and the ones that keep us here are _Skartensen_. I’m sure the _Shadow Proclamation_ is doing their best to end this war, but as for now we are still in deep water.”

“I didn’t saw the creatures...it was all too confused.” he muttered darkly.

“Ah, I was wondering why you weren’t wailing on the floor, scared shitless.” The guy laughed quietly. 

If this was his attempt at humor, then he failed dramatically, because this only worsened how he was feeling critically. His breath started to quicken and he felt his blood rising in his ears. 

“Hey! Hey! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. C’mon deep breaths, don’t go hyperventilating on me.” The guy said quickly.

He followed the guy’s voice that was now counting calmly his breaths, when he felt his vision clear again, and his heartbeat slow down.

“Good, like this, good. Alright let’s change subject...first of all...what’s your name?”

He continued to breathe silently for a while until he finally said “Gray Thane.” 

The guy’s smile returned, and finally he sat up from where he was lying. The little movement however, seemed to cost a lot of pain, since he groaned all the way till his back was leaning against the wall. “Pleasure to meet you Gray Thane,” he said out of breath, “My name is Ianto Shran.” Ianto held out his hand.

Gray got off the floor to shake his hand lightly. “The pleasure is mine Ianto...Where are you from?”

“Me? _Cymodryia_...Welsh colony...you?”

Gray tried to recall any welsh colony that he knew of, but he didn’t know _Cymodryia_. “Sorry, I don’t know where that is. I’m from the _Boeshane Peninsula_ , you probably never heard of it, it’s very little.”

But the sparkle in Ianto’s eyes told another story “Ah! So you’re american! Sure I know _Boeshane_ , nothing to see there other than lots of sand and sunsets, I should have known you were from there from your tan. Never been, but they say it’s a nice and relaxing place. Nice to know that we are both humans. Sorry but my english is pretty shit, and I won’t even ask you to talk my language since I know that except us no one talks welsh anymore. Let’s keep this conversation in galactic standard, in which, by the the way, you’re so good my friend! How old are you?” 

“My mother makes us practice it all the time, ever since we were kids and now I’m extremely thankful for it. I’m ten, you?”

“Fourteen...you said we, you have siblings?” 

“Yeah one big brother, Javic, he’s eighteen! You?”

Ianto shook his head. “Nah, but I always wanted a brother or a sister.” 

Silence fell upon them, both of them processing the information they’ve gathered. Gray noticed that Ianto had his eyes closed and was breathing rather loudly, just like he does when he finishes a running race. His eyes settled again on the bandages all over his body. 

“So...How long have you been here?”

Ianto reopened his eyes and indicated with his hand the the wall on his left, where there were white scratches. “With the little stones that are on the ground I make a scratch every day. I’ve been here for three months. I understand when the day passes when a _kraal_ comes from the corridor and brings food and water. Yeah, only once a day, in the beginning it’s gonna be difficult to adjust and you’ll probably think you’re gonna starve. But it’s water the real problem, if you’re not careful with rationalizing you’re gonna run out before the refill and then you’re really gonna die.Regarding the clothes...well they are gonna change you when they’ll come for you.” 

Gray swallowed hard and his voice shook when he said “Come for me? I don’t...I don’t understand.”

Ianto nodded. “You don’t know much about the s _kartensens_ , do you? Or the situation you’re in for the matter...you’re probably still in shock, but Gray I-“ he signed “I’m not gonna sugarcoat this, for your sake. So...the s _kartensens_...” he hesitated, taking a moment to decide where to start.

“You should not be afraid of the _kraals_ , because the alliance between these two races consists in this: the _Skartensen_ help the _kraals_ to conquer lands, and the kraals help the skartensen to capture children. The _kraals_ want new territories, the _skartensen_ their...food supply.” he continued. Gray was now crying quietly, his heart catching up with what Ianto was saying, his mind still trying to understand the concept. 

“But you...you said you’ve been here for three months, they didn’t...eat you” he tried to reason.

“Yeah because even if the _skartensen_ look like mini black t-rexes, they do not eat meet, it’s more complicated. They feed on sound waves, on a particular frequency, that only a child screaming can reach. Since our vocal cord are not fully developed yet. So, what they do to make children scream in agony?” He looked down at himself, to his bandages, letting Gray draw his conclusions. 

“What...what are they gonna do to me?” he asked quietly.

Ianto didn’t respond.

“Please...please I need to know, don’t let my mind fill the blanks...I’m so...scared. Please.” He pleaded.

“Hey Gray, don’t worry, I’ll tell you. Calm down. I was just reorganizing my thoughts. Okay so...not only I’m going to say what they’re gonna do, but also, I’m gonna give you advices, alright?” Ianto asked, his voice comforting, his strange accent making the words sound like a harmony. 

Gray nodded because he didn’t trust his voice not to break. 

“Alright. Okay. So...they bring you into this room, they tie your arms and legs to a wall, so you’re standing but can’t move. They don’t do anything fancy, it’s mostly knives and cuts in places where it hurts but not where you’re gonna bleed out, other times they use a whip. I’m not gonna lie to you, it hurts like hell, and you’ll start praying to be dead. This is where my two advices come in. One, you have to scream, scream like you’ve never done before. Even if for a moment it doesn’t hurt that much, you scream from the top of your lungs. I’m telling you this because, if you do not die, but lose your voice, they’re gonna bring you back here to let you recover, so that they can use you another time. A _kraal_ will patch you up, no painkillers though. I’d say try to faint, but those fuckers know just how to keep you awake. Now, second adivice...if everything becomes too much, like you can’t stand the pain anymore, or that your brain is screaming at you to die, you promise me this Gray: you give up, and let it all go.”

Gray dropped his gaze to the ground “What are you saying? That...that I have to give in? That I don’t fight to survive?” He asked quietly, but his tone held a spike of anger.

“No Gray, I’m not telling you to give up. Look at me, you have to understand something.” 

Gray lifted his head to meet Ianto’s fierce gaze, his blue eyes sparkling with determination.

“If you think that you have to survive because you don’t want to cause pain to your mother, your father or your brother then you’re wrong. You don’t own them all this pain, they wouldn’t want you to suffer. So, if it’s too much and you want to let go, you do it, it’s as simple as that.” 

It was Ianto’s time to look down.

“You know, two other kids were in this cell before you. They both followed my advice. The first was Amybeth, she was a nine year old british girl that didn’t spoke a word in galactic standard, can you believe that? She had the most ginger hair I’ve ever saw and missed three teeth. Even with my broken english, we could understand each other. She was so funny and...fearless. The second time that they came for her, she never came back. Then there was Amir. Don’t ask me where he was from because I can’t pronounce the name of his planet.” He laughed at that, like he was having a little inside joke.

“Let me tell you this Gray, he was beautiful. Smooth dark skin and eyes where you could see the universe in them. His whole body covered in neon green tattoos, typical of the culture of his species. I held him for hours the first time he came back. When they came for him the second time, he started hyperventilating and had a heart attack. Fragile creatures, his kind are. He was fifteen. I’m telling you this because if you feel like you want to let go, just do it, and I’ll remember you for as long as I can.”

He stopped to extract something from his vest, around his neck there was a thin chain with three dog tags attached to it. 

“When they are gonna bring you food for the first time, they’ll also give you a tag like this. On it there is a number, like the one they give to animals in farms. But for Amybeth they were like dog tags, you know? Like we were some kind of soldiers. So we engraved our names on the other side, and decided that every time one of us had to go out of the cell, they had to give their tag to the one remaining. This way if they didn’t come back, you’d have something to remember them. Right now, I have three if we count mine. No one wants to be forgotten, and in case I’m the one not coming back, I’m hoping that you’ll remember me.” 

Gray nodded with a grim expression. His mind reeling for all the information it was receiving. 

“Now Gray, if you want to survive, then you have to survive for yourself. Think about the places you wanna go when you get out, how are you gonna feel when you finally see a sun again, the people you’re gonna fall in love with. Your fate is not decided yet. If you wanna hold on, then hold on anything you can that will keep you going. Show those bastards what you’re made of.”

Ianto’s voice was finally no longer soft or a whisper. He spoke firmly, his words hard and heavy filling the silence of the cell. His eyes angry and determined. Gray felt little under that display of emotions.

Then it was all over, Ianto sighed and got back to his original position. “Or at least it’s what I’m trying to do.” He murmured.

“Are you still in pain right now?” Gray asked seeing the frown on Ianto’s face. 

“They came for me three times...the last time was five days ago so...yeah, a little.” He whispered.

Gray decided that Ianto could have the cot for as long as he wanted, since he wasn’t in any pain right now, only a little tired.

“Hey Gray?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you...can you talk about _Boeshane_? A good story helps me sleep.” Ianto said with his eyes already closed.

“Sure” if he could help in any way to relieve his pain, he’d do it.

“Boeshane has two suns, very close to each other, with the same orbital revolution, we have night time but it only last for six hours. During the day, it’s so hot but my village is near the sea so there is a cold breeze that helps with the high temperatures. The beach is full of colorful pinwheels immersed in the sand. The sea is so clear and you could run for hours on the beach without encountering problems with the authorities since the beach is no one’s property...”

Gray talked and talked until both of them fell asleep. 

***

The next days passed really fast, Gray and Ianto talked about everything that came to their mind: the differences and similarities between their cultures and planets, their families and friends, and about the war. Gray found that the food wasn’t too bad, just flavorless. 

“Do you think that someone will come and rescue us?” Gray asked one time.

“Well...if the war doesn’t end I doubt that they’ll send rescuing parties for us...and I’m sure that the _Shadow Proclamation_ won’t use time travel, too many people involved...that means high possibilities to mess up timelines. They’re the only ones that hold ways of messing with time and won’t do it, so I’m not really optimistic in that regard Gray...”

“They’re not the only ones! There are also the Time Lords!” responded Gray enthusiastically.

Ianto let out a humorous laugh “Those are only myths! I mean, even if a long time ago they were real, all the legends say that they are no longer around. I don’t believe them though, _Time Lords_ and _Daleks_ , two entire races all wiped out in one day? Seems pretty fake to me.” 

“But what about the _Time Agency_ then?” Gray asked hopeful.

“I’m sorry, but if the _Shadow Proclamation_ thinks about time travel as a far possibility for a rescue, then the _Time Agency_ won’t even consider it. They’re all about the rules those ones.” Ianto shook his head.

“But...but...” Gray bit his lip. “My brother, he’s the first one from my planet that actually made it to the academy...he’s gonna be a time agent. I swear to you Ianto, he’s gonna rescue us!” He said firmly.

Ianto didn’t have the heart to say anything about the fact that the _Time Agency_ would never allow a mission like that, that people that actually became time agents had to be heartless soldiers, but he did say “I kinda want to meet this Javic, you speak so highly of him. He seems like a great person.” 

“He’s the best.” 

As more days passed by, Gray grew more and more nervous, knowing that the aliens would come for him sooner rather than later. 

It was before the _kraal_ brought food one day, that they finally came. Ianto’s definition of the _skartensen_ was definitely accurate, they really did look like 2 meters tall, black t-rexes but with a humanoid face. While the creature was opening the cell, Gray quickly gave his tag to Ianto, the latter hugged him firmly and whispered in his ear “ _Non, si male nunc est, olim sic erit_.” 

Before he could ask what the hell did that mean, the creature pulled him out of the cell.

*

Ianto waited for Gray to come back. He sat on the cot quietly and prayed every prayer he knew for his friend to be okay. He didn’t know if he could suffer another loss.He told Gray that he could give up, but he felt like he wasn’t the kind of person to abandon a battle. Ianto knew that he was too stubborn to die. He passed the time thinking about Gray’s eyes, deep blue irises that reminded him of the boshane’s ocean he saw on the photographs that one of his school friends took. Still, when the cell door opened a couple of hours later, and the kraal dropped Gray inside, with bandages all over his body, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He dropped to the ground next to him. 

“Hey Gray?” He whispered. “You did so good, okay? You did great. Don’t talk, I’ll bring your water and maybe later you will eat something okay? Now rest.” He scooped up his friend and laid him on the cot. He brought him his water and helped him drink. Then he sat on the ground, eyes closed, head resting against the wall, listening to Gray’s quiet whining. 

After a while, the first thing Gray said was barely a whisper, but from his lips the words he spat held a kind of anger that Ianto felt foreign coming from the kind little boy that he met two weeks ago.

“We’re gonna get out of here Ianto, you understand? We are gonna survive this, you and me. We are going to escape this cell, and then we are gonna find a way to kill every one of those bastards, we’re gonna get our revenge.”

Shivering, Ianto had nothing to say to that.

In the next days, Ianto found himself talking to Gray about _Cymodryia_ , its big forests, cold winters and beautiful moons in the sky. He on the ground, Gray on the cot, roles reversed.

One day, Gray asked “Ianto?”

“Mhm?”

“What did you whisper in my ear when they took me?” 

Ianto let his mind wander back at the moment. “Ah, ‘Non, si male nunc est, olim sic erit’, it’s latin.”

“Mhm. What does it mean?”

“Joy and misfortune always does not last. I like it, makes me think that if the good moments ended, then the bad moments will end too.”

Gray smirked “Aren’t you a know it all uh?”

Ianto shrugged “My father had tons of books in his office at home. I have an amazing memory, like the thing where you can’t forget the things you read.” 

Gray frowned. “Photographic?”

“Ehm kinda, something like that.” Not bothering to explain eidetic memory to a ten years old. 

“You must have been so good at school.” 

“Nah, I was average. My mum always did say I was wasting my talents though.” 

“Don’t worry, that’s what every mother says” he responded laughing.

Ianto grinned. “Gray.”

“What?”

“Since I was born curious and I wanna continue to be a know it all, I was wondering...are there any words that originated from your planet? I’m not talking about english.”

“Well the boeshanian dialect has some original words...” he said vaguely.

“Really? Like what?” Ianto’s eyes sparkled with curiosity.

“Words like _ushea_ , _cahssa_ and _elaa_.”

“Oh yeah? What do they mean?”

“Family, home and try to guess the last one!” He exclaimed giddy 

“You know I hate guessing!” Ianto’s eyebrows knitted together, “Can you put it in a phrase?”

Gray smiled “Sure, mhm...Ianto is my _elaa_.”

Ianto smirked. “I hope that means something good like ‘Ianto is my friend’ otherwise I’ll be offended.” 

Gray laughed again. He had a beautiful laugh, Ianto noted. “No! No! Nothing offensive, but you’re wrong. It means ‘Ianto is my brother.” 

Ianto’s eyes shone at the revelation. “Aren’t you a softie eh Gray? Now expect me to call you _elaa_ all the time.”

Gray shrugged “I don’t mind. You really are.”

They spoke until their eyes closed on their own. 

*

They both survived for another two months. Ianto noticed that revenge was the thing that kept Gray going, but he wasn’t one to judge. Imprisonment could do that to someone so young. Hell sometimes even him cursed the other race existence, but mostly, he just thought about freedom, the need to be outside again. Then two months and three weeks passed, they came for Gray, and Gray never came back. The last thing he said to him was “Give them hell _elaa_ ” while Gray was dragged out of the cell, he looked back and smirked, leaving the cell.

It was a shock for Ianto since he was sure that between the two, Gray was the strongest mentally and the one with better pain tolerance. In the dark cell, he cried for the person that he considered as his own brother. He clung to his dog tag, like it was the only thing that kept him from drowning. But even for him, that survived almost six months now, the situation was becoming too much to handle. It was one night when he decided that he couldn’t resist anymore, so he planned to give up the next time they came for him. 

That never happened, because the next day, a mad man with a box rescued him.

*

Ianto was in a state of light sleep when he heard an unknown noise, something like wheezing and scratching together, sounding like a melody, coming from outside of the cell. He sat up quickly to see a strange blue box appear right in front of his eyes. While he was practically gaping at it, the doors opened and from it, a tall men, wearing a huge brown coat and a suit came out. 

“Hey there!” He whispered enthusiastically at him.

His brain was still fried and couldn’t come up with a response, but it didn’t matter since the strange man spoke again, “C’mon Martha! We have to be quick.” Ianto noticed that he could understand perfectly the man, so he must have been speaking welsh, even if he wasn’t so sure, as if the words that were coming from the man’s mouth were filtered when they entered his ears. From the box a woman popped out, with black skin and dark hair and a purple lather jacked. 

“Doctor! Where are we? You said this was important and- oh” Her eyes settled on him.

“No time to explain right now! I’ll tell you when we get back on the TARDIS. Now let’s just think about this young man. Helu!” He repeated again towards him.

Finally, Ianto’s brain seemed to be working again “Sir! You can’t be here! They’re gonna come soon if they realize something is happening! They’re gonna kill you!” 

The man popped out a strange device from his coat pocket that had a blue light and beeped when he pointed it at the cell door. Then Ianto heard a ‘click’ and the door opened.

“What?” He stared at the open door disbelieving.

“Aren’t you a marvelous little thing, we come to rescue you and you’re worried about us! I love humans, definitely on my top three favorite races and-“

“Doctor!” The girl interrupted.

“Oh yeah sorry! Martha pick him up and bring him into the TARDIS. Be careful, he’s hurt.” 

That seemed to do the trick, because the girl, apparently named Martha, pushed back the Doctor and pulled Ianto up, gently in her arms, unbothered that he was almost as tall as her; but then again, he weighed almost nothing. 

When they entered the TARDIS, his jaw dropped once again, that box was bloody huge!

As Martha gently laid him on a yellow sofa, her worried gaze on his bandages, his mind finally caught up with what was happening.

“Wait, rescuing me? You’re here to help me?” he asked with disbelief. 

The tall man either didn’t hear him or he didn’t care enough to respond, he was too concentrated on pushing bottoms and lifting levers of his ship.

It was Martha that spoke kindly to him, “Yeah, we are here to help. I’m sorry, I don’t know much either, but as soon as the Doctor makes us escape from that terrible place, I’m sure he’s gonna explain everything to us!” 

Ianto nodded and shifted his gaze again to the man. Martha patted gently his hair, “I’m Martha Jones, human. He is the Doctor, Time Lord.” She giggled as she watched his eyes widened. 

“Pompous, right?” she said amused.

“What’s your name?”

“Ianto Shran...” he replied half-listening to the questions she was asking, half-staring at the Doctor.

“Ianto, uh? What are you, welsh?” She joked.

This time Ianto turned his attention to her, “Yes, I am, aren’t you? You’re speaking welsh...”

But she shook her head quickly “That I can answer. The TARDIS, the Doctor’s ship, translates every language, so that everyone can understand each other.”

“That’s...amazing” he replied in wander. 

“It is, isn’t it?” She smiled warmly.

Then, before he could add something else, the Doctor finally lifted another lever, and the whole ship shook. Martha held him firmly to prevent him from falling. 

“Amazing! Okay time for explanations! But I highly suggest that we move this conversation to the medical room. We have to check...” he interrupted himself pointing at Ianto. 

“Ianto Shran.” he said slowly.

“Pleasure to meet you Ianto Shran! Yes we have to check Ianto’s wounds. Martha, wanna do the honors?” 

“Me? Why me?”

“Well, you’re studying to become a doctor, aren’t you? I’m giving you extra opportunities to practice!”

“Yeah okay but...I don’t know anything about alien anatomy...”

“I’m not alien...I’m human! I’m from _Cymodryia_!” Interrupted Ianto.

“ _Cymodryia_? I love _Cymodryia_! Full of little villages, and tiny wooden cabins. I love cabins!” Said the Doctor jumping with excitement.

“Doctor, you’re doing it again!” Martha rolled her eyes.

The Doctor frowned in concentration “Oh yeah. Med room. Ianto Shran. Wounds...Oh! Oh! What I’m trying to say...Ianto is human! From the future, but you won’t find too many differences in his anatomy...” then he pointed his blue thing against him and asked “51th century ish?”

“Yeah very, very late 51th century. I was born in 5095 to be exact.” He responded.

“See?” The Doctor said to Martha, as if that explained everything. “Pheromones all over the place, antibodies that can fight off the strongest flu, males can get pregnant etcetera...but no big changes!” his smile widening.

“What?” exclaimed Martha. But then shrugged and picked up Ianto gently in her arms again. “You know what? Never mind. C’mon Ianto, let’s get you sorted yeah?” 

He nodded. 

While they were going to the medical room, the Doctor stopped, and said “You two go ahead, I’ll stop by the kitchen to prepare something, I’m sure Ianto is starving. Nothing too fancy though, don’t want your body to go into shock or something.” Martha nodded approvingly.

They entered the medical room, it wasn’t really big, it had a bed, a table and three cabinets full of medical equipment. Martha settled Ianto down on the bed, who closed his eyes and signed “Oh my God, this is heaven.” 

Martha laughed “What? The bed?” 

Ianto slipped one eye open and said with a serious tone “Yes.” 

Martha was now kneeling beside him, her eyes lost a bit of color, “Okay Ianto, what happened to you?”

But before he could respond, the Doctor appeared on the door. 

“Wow that was fast” Ianto said. 

“I cooked eggs and bacon, for when you’re finished” he said, staring at the plate, apparently pleased with the result. He settled the plate on the table. Then his expression turned more serious, making him look a lot older.

“The _skartensen_ happened to him...definitely on my top five alien races that I don’t like very much.” His face screwed up, like he ate something distasteful. “Take off the bandages, you’ll find a lot of cuts, clean the wounds, stitch the deeper ones, and for god sake give him painkillers.” The Doctor suggested to Martha.

“Yes Mr. Smith.” She said both seriously and mockingly.

When the painkiller kicked in, Martha started treating every one of his wounds, her expression grim.

“So...what happened?” He asked to the Doctor “Why did you save me? Why now? Why just me? There are tons of kids that need rescuing even now and-“

“Woa! Woa! Woa! Young man! Calm down, I’ll answer every one of your questions. Of course, I love answering questions, I dare say that I’m the best at it.”

“Doctor.” Warned Martha.

Ianto felt himself smile, the Doctor seemed to get distracted pretty easily. 

Martha smiled brightly in return.

“Yes of course. Practically, the whole Third War between the _Fourth Human Alliance_ and the _kraals_ and _skartensen_ is pretty much all time-locked. That means that no one from the future or the past can arrive at that point in time through the time vortex. A time-lock is something that can either be put by someone, or it creates itself because of the big amounts of fixed point in that time. In this case it’s the second one. That is very fortunate for you, because self-generated time-locks tend to have little cracks in time where there isn’t a fixed point. See, before, when and where you were, I couldn’t reach you, then one of the fixed point must have happened in the last few days since a little crack opened. I keep an eye on this particular time-lock because it’s you kids that suffered the most from this war. Whenever I can, that means whenever there is a crack, I slip into it and try to save someone and then quickly get out before it closes. That’s why it’s now, that’s why it’s you.” The Doctor explained.

Ianto had to admit it, his head was spinning a little, but the Doctor really was good at answering questions. If only he could speak a little slower, without moving his arms around so much, he would be a great teacher.

“Woaw that’s...complicated.” Deadpanned Martha.

“Is it?” Asked the Doctor frowning.

”Yes, how is it that a crack opened just now, in this moment, why can’t you go to the future when all the fixed point that open these cracks already happened?”

  
“Martha, you’re seeing time as linear thing. It’s not. It’s way more complicated than that. Everything happened and everything hasn’t happened yet, at the same time.”

Martha frowned in confusion, but then let it go, asking “What are we gonna do with Ianto?” asked Martha.

Ianto tensed. “What? Can’t you take me home?” He asked quickly, his voice filled with panic. 

Martha rubbed his arm soothingly, her eyes sad, like she understood something he didn’t.

He sat up looking directly at the Doctor.

“Why can’t you take me home?” he insisted. 

Martha put a hand on his chest, pulling him down again on the bed. The Doctor sighed and sat down next to Martha on a chair. 

“Ianto.” He touched his arm and had that look in his eyes like he was going to tell him that he had a terminal disease. “The Third War...it lasts for another seventy years, and the time-lock remains for another fifty years after that. I could bring you to your planet, but you’d have no family to come back to anymore, and a post-war territory is not the best place to grow up...”

Ianto’s eyes filled with tears, “I’m never gonna see my mam and tad ever again?” His voice wavered. 

Martha started petting his hair and the Doctor shook his head. 

“B-but...what I-“ he started breathing heavily “what I’m gonna do?”

“Don’t worry Ianto, I have a plan. I’m gonna tell you, but before that, you let Martha finish fixing your wounds, go take a quick shower, change your clothes, eat your meal and then rest in your bedroom. When you wake up, we’re gonna talk about it, alright?” The Doctor said gently.

When Ianto didn’t answer Martha said “You don’t have to worry Ianto, we’re gonna take care of you.” That is when Ianto nodded.

Later, when he took the shower, changed his clothes (but kept his dog tags) and ate the meal that the Doctor prepared, he was lying down the bed of “his’’ bedroom. That’s how the Doctor called it, and the room really did reflect a lot Ianto’s personality: minimalistic but also very colorful, he thought that it must be a coincidence. It couldn’t be his bedroom if he only just arrived. Not surprisingly, he was fast asleep, the bed too comfortable not to be. Also not very shocking, the nightmares came. Images of his family dead, killed by the _kraals_ , Gray pained screams in their prison cell and the _skartensen_ coming to find him in his bedroom flashed through his mind, making him wake up with a shout. He was sweating and sobbing a lot when the Doctor came through the door, he didn’t ask if he was alright, he just brushed a towel on Ianto’s skin, absorbing the sweat. 

“I wanna go home, I want my mam and tad, please let me go home.” he sobbed. The Doctor’s moves were gentle and his actions were full of affection in a fatherly way. Then he joined Ianto in his bed, he hugged him from behind and whispered into his ears stories from all over the universe, in the most majestic way, until he fell asleep again, this time without the nightmares hunting him. 

When Ianto woke up, he was alone in the bed. He found the kitchen without problems, as if the right path was indicated in front of him. There the Doctor and Martha were having breakfast. “Ianto! Good morning! Come! Come! Before you woke up Martha and I went to _Aramuko_ , they make the best croissants in the universe, here, we brought you one.” The Doctor said enthusiastically. 

Ianto sat at the table next to Martha, the Doctor settled white coffee and a croissant in front of him, that Ianto began to eat eagerly. 

After breakfast, they went to the control room together and Ianto sat again on the yellow sofa. 

“So, what are you gonna do with me now?” he asked nervously. 

The Doctor smiled warmly. “Okay so my plan is...we bring you to the past. More precisely Earth, late twentieth century. Is there a better way to start a new life than seeing the start of a new century?” 

“You’re gonna leave me all alone? On a planet I don’t know?” he countered shakily.

“Ianto listen, Earth is not so different from _Cymodryia_. We are gonna bring you to Wales! Yes, it’s all in one planet, no colonies yet.” The Doctor tried to reason.

Ianto frowned, “Isn’t that a mess?”

Martha laughed “It is, but space travel doesn’t exist there yet, so of course all the humans live there.” 

The Doctor nodded “Also, there are a lot of people that speak welsh there, you won’t have a problem understanding them, but do try not to use words that refer to future things, otherwise it’s them who won’t understand you. However, you’ll probably have to learn english.” 

Ianto scoffed “Ugh, and why is that?”

“Well it is a united kingdom” Martha cringed, and Ianto with her.

“But why can’t I stay with you?” Ianto complained.

“I’d love to, I really would. However, the adventures we have are really dangerous, it’s no place for a kid-“ The Doctor started explaining.

“I’m not a kid!” whined Ianto, not really helping his point.

“In the 21st century there are no big alien wars you have to worry about, you can grow up there peacefully. When aliens do threaten the Earth, I’ll always be there to protect it, that I swear.” Continued the Doctor unperturbed.

Ianto pouted “Alright” he said between his teeth. 

Martha ruffled his hair. “We can’t just drop him on Earth though Doctor, where are you gonna leave him?”

The Doctor nodded thoughtfully “Yes, of course. We’ll leave him in an orphanage, with the injuries he has and the fact that he weights less than a feather, they’ll probably think that he run away from his home, and rightfully so.” 

Then he turned to Ianto. “Okay, a couple of suggestions. One, you can’t say your surname, they’ll try to search for the parents that allegedly hurt you, act scared and they’ll think that you’re too afraid to say it. Two, don’t talk about anything alien, otherwise they’ll think you’re crazy; humans in that century are not ready to realize that there are other species out there-“ 

“Oh so they’re really that stupid.” muttered Ianto.

“Ianto they’re not stupid, they’re just your ancestors, of course they don’t know about these things, it’s the past!” exclaimed Martha.

“Three,” interrupted the Doctor “it’s always difficult to live a life in another time, but you’re young, that means you can still adapt pretty well. However, I’d suggest you to check if a thing already exists before mentioning it. That means, no teleportation, no time travel, no spaceships, no males being pregnant, you get the drill yeah?”

“But that sounds like a lot of things to think about, why can’t you bring me to the future?” Ianto pouted again. 

“Adapting to the past is way easier than adapting to the future, trust me on this.” The Doctor said wisely.

Ianto scoffed annoyed but finally said “Alright okay.”

After not even a minute the Doctor announced “Arrived!”

The three exited the TARDIS, when out, they immediately met the cold rain of Cardiff. Martha signed annoyed while the Doctor said “Here we are! Wales, 1997, Saint Mary orphanage.” 

But Ianto wasn’t focusing on the duo anymore, his head was turned to the sky, that was covered mostly by grey clouds but you could still catch glimpses of blue. 

The light rain was wetting his hair, face and clothes. Suddenly he didn’t care about being on an unknown planet. He never felt more alive. He started laughing hysterically turning on himself still looking up. The Doctor and Martha were looking at him weird but he didn’t care. He was out. He was free. 

“I’M FREE!” He screamed to the sky. “WOHOOOOO!” 

“I’m free” this time it was barely a whisper. His legs started trembling, and finally gave out, dropping heavily on the ground, his whole body shook with sobs. Raindrops mixing with tears. 

“I’m free” he cried over and over, “I’m free”.

Martha was by his side in a moment, dropping to her knees and hugging him around the neck mindful of his injuries, not caring about the wet ground. She whispered comforting words into his ears, most of them went over his head, but the phrases “You were so strong Ianto. You’re the bravest person I have ever met. There is always gonna be pain in life, the important thing is that you react and don’t let it pull you down” reached Ianto’s heart and warmed it. She stood up, and held a hand out, when he took it firmly, she pulled him back up. They stared into each other eyes, and Ianto closed the distance between them, suddenly hugging Martha again. She yelped in surprise, but quickly hugged back. 

“Thank you, Martha” he whispered in her ear. When they finally separated, Ianto turned to the Doctor “I can’t thank you enough, Doctor.”

This time it was the Doctor that moved forward and hugged him, “I wish I could have done more” he said. For a moment Ianto thinks ‘what more could you have done?’ But then flashes of the night before appeared in his mind. The Doctor comforting him like his own kid, and then he realized, he wasn’t just talking only about him, but also about the other kids he couldn’t save.

Ianto’s heart clenched, the chain around his neck feeling three times heavier.

“Me too, Doctor, me too.”

They split up. “Well! This is it, you have to go in there on your own, I’m afraid. This is where our roads separate.” The Doctor said breaking the gloomy mood. 

“Goodbye Ianto, go and be amazing.” SaidMartha weaving.

Ianto nodded once and started to go in the direction of the orphanage.

“You think he’s gonna be okay?” Martha asked the Doctor, watching Ianto walk away. 

“He’s quite a brilliant young man. I don’t think this is the last time we’ll see him” he responded cryptically.

Martha rolled her eyes at the time lord’s attitude.

“C’mon back to the TARDIS, I believe you promised me flying cars?” She turned her gaze to him.

“Oh yes! Yes! New Earth, you’re gonna love it, apple grass, flying cars...” The TARDIS door closed, and the harmony that came from the blue box disappeared in the wind. 

*

The first weeks in the orphanage were tough, Ianto was asked a lot of times to give personal information about him or his family. He discovered that he was rather good at manipulating people, making his face show the emotions that he wanted people to see; in this case fear. After a while, social services left his case unresolved, and the nuns that were taking care of the children there, called a psychologist for him. He couldn’t talk much about what happened to him, but Doctor Taylor (that he simply called Sarah) didn’t seem to mind and listened to anything he wanted to say. He overheard her saying to the nuns that he had PTSD. At the time he didn’t know what it meant, and wanted to ask her for an explanation. After a couple of days living in the orphanage, however, he didn’t need an answer anymore. His memories seemed to be tormenting him, never giving him time to breathe. During the night he was pestered by horrible nightmares. Most of them were about his family, the fact that he didn’t know what happened to them seemed to be taking a toll on him now that he was free. He saw them getting killed, tortured, or just them crying because they thought that he was dead. Every night he woke up shouting and sobbing, disturbing the kids that slept in the room with him. After a couple of nights the nuns moved him in a much smaller room, with only one bed, the nightmares didn’t subside, but at least he wasn’t bothering anyone. Sarah didn’t want to give him pills since she said that he was too young and wanted to see if time and therapy could heal him first. As strangely as that sounds, the night was the easy part. He didn’t spent much time with the other kids, since he was trying to concentrate on learning english with the help of Sister Jane, that used to be a teacher, and still taught kids how to write and read. The part of the day when he was studying was normal, it was when he had nothing to do, that his mind was left to wonder and the ghosts came back to life. The first time that it happened was when he was sitting on the couch in the playroom, watching the smaller kids play round dance. He saw Amybeth playing with them, laughing and giggling with the same lightheartedness that she had in the prison cell. He quickly got up from the couch to watch her closely, but when he called out to her, she wasn’t there anymore, and the youngsters were asking him if something was wrong. After that time, he always seemed to see Amir in corner of his eye, as if he was watching him at all hours, but when he turned around to face him, he wasn’t there. That was breaking Ianto’s heart every time, what he would have done just see his face again. 

However, the worst between them all, was Gray. He saw him by the windows of every room, crying, which was awful since Gray almost never cried during their time together. He hated himself because the image of the lively brave kid, his brother, was being replaced by the one that his subconscious was creating. He heard him whispering to him, asking for help, and every time it made Ianto drown in his own grief and guilt. In the dark nights he wished that it would have been him to die and Gray to survive, at least he wouldn’t suffer being trapped in the prison that was becoming his own mind. Talking about the hallucinations to Sarah, tuned out to be the best idea he ever had. He never said names, but he talked, a lot, and cried. When he finally confessed about the guilt he was feeling, she hugged him and thanked his truthfulness. She told him, that whenever happened wasn’t his fault, that he was just a kid. He didn’t fully believe her, but the session with her and the sleeping pills that she finally allowed him to take, seemed to dull the symptoms. 

After two months there, he met a man and a woman, both about fifty years old. They told him that their daughter was going to move with her fiancé and since they were too old to have another kid, or raise a newborn, they wanted to adopt an older one. They confessed to him that they always wanted a son. The couple, Elis and Glenda Jones, were pleased to know that he knew how to speak welsh, and practically fell in love with him after a couple of meetings. They didn’t care that he needed a psychologist and agreed to continue to pay Sarah until he needed her.The day he was leaving the orphanage with his new family (Rhiannon, his new sister, was also there to pick him up), he said goodbye to the kids, but most of all thanked the nuns that put up with his difficult behavior. Sister Jane shook her head with affection “You don’t have to thank us Ianto, it was a pleasure meeting you. Remember, from now on, you’re not alone, you have a family that cares about you.” She ruffled his hair. 

“Good luck, Ianto Jones.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dates: Ianto was born in 5095, Jack in 5091. Ianto and Gray were captured in 5109.
> 
> Lore: in classic who Kraals utilized android to invade other planets and also controlled the Loch Ness monster. I found their race quite interesting and changed it up a bit. Skartensen are invented as the wars and alliances mentioned. Some of the planets exist in the dw world but the description is not accurate, I just liked the names really.  
> The time-lock mentioned is similar to the one in the Doctor Who episode “The Angels Take Manhattan” 
> 
> words: Crymodryia, Ianto’s native planet, is a mixture of two welsh words that mean “Reunited Brothers”.  
> Boeshane’s dialect words are a mixture of arabic, latin and greek


	2. The Birthdays of Ianto Jones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for this chapter: homophobia, minor character death, mentions of illness, mild smut
> 
> Sorry if the pacing is a little fast, I just really wanted to get to the canon part.

Fourteen years old Ianto Jones wanted to kill the Doctor. Well, metaphorically speaking. When The Doctor said that it would be difficult to adapt to a new time and planet, it was the biggest understatement Ianto had ever heard. 

When he first started living in Newport with his new family, things started relatively well.

Glenda Jones reminded him of his mother, Aster Shran, she put her children above everything else, she was kind, caring, understanding. She treated Ianto like her own kid from the first day he set foot in his new house. She stayed the night in his bed, hugging him during his nightmares, but at the same time she didn’t overcrowd him; always giving him space to cope on his own. She never asked about his scars, but kept her ears always open when he wanted to talk. She helped him with the english language which he picked up pretty quickly after all that studying with Sister Jane. There wasn’t a bone in her body that didn’t love him, flaws and everything. That’s why he started to call her mum after only a week he was there with the Jones. He felt guilty, thinking about his biological mother, she loved him from the day he was born, to the day the kraals came into his village and took him. She tried to protect him, but they knocked her out and ripped him from her hold. His father was at work at the time, Ianto didn’t even remember the last time he saw him. However, when he talked to Sarah about it, she assured him that he could love two people immensely without having to feel guilty. He trusted Sarah a lot, even if during that particular session she did try to ask him about his old family, and from that moment he closed off that specific subject. 

Elis Jones, was a completely different story from his biological father, Fhynn Shran. Elis was an old-fashioned man, worked as a master tailor, owned a little shop in Newport. He went to work early in the morning and came back in the evening, the shop didn’t give him a lot of profit but he loved what he did. The thing that Ianto knew from the beginning was that he loved his wife more that anything else, fairytale kind of love. He talked about her with so much admiration, he looked at her with such delight in his eyes, like she held the secrets of life itself. Not even his biological father seemed that in love with his mother, and often Ianto found himself asking him the secret to his thirty years long marriage. “There’s not a secret Ianto, it’s just...it’s not women...only her” Elis would always say to him, Ianto never really understood what he meant at the time. The difference between Elis and Glenda was that he was not a tactile person. Glanda hugged him, kissed him, patted him, ruffled his hair. Elis never did such things, but he always found a way to show that he cared. A compliment when he did something smart, a small present when he acted like a good son, a gentle smile when he helped him in his shop. Like that time when he gave Ianto his stopwatch that used to be of his father’s, and grandfather before him, Ianto kept it safe and always near him throughout the years. But Ianto’s favorite thing to do with his new father was going to the movie theater. In his time, movies were only watched on tv with friends and family, people didn’t go to the cinema anymore, the concept of strangers sharing the same experience for a couple of hours fascinated him. Elis loved movies, old and new, and that passed on to Ianto. 

Rhiannon, the times when she came by the house, was always chatty and enthusiastic when gossiping with their mother. At times she could be very annoying and bossy, often teasing Ianto about anything she could. He loved that about her, well...not really, but it was exactly how a big sister would act and that made him feel accepted like he had always been part of the family. She came by their house a lot, considering that she and her fiancé didn’t actually live far away from them. They both lived in bland estates, Ianto’s original family never had money problem, and that was a little difficult to adapt to, but Ianto never was a materialist person.

His family was wonderful, it was the rest that was a mess. God sometimes he damned the Doctor, leaving him on a unknown planet without some kind of instruction manual about surviving this century. Two of the most confusing things were racism and homophobia. Racism existed in his time, but it was towards other races, not between the same race. For someone that saw humans uncaring about the color of someone’s skin, twentieth century was a big downgrade. Homophobia on the other hand, was something that he had to learn. He was a fifty-first century kid, he grew up with the knowledge that it was okay to peck a friend on the mouth as a thank you, to hug without a particular reason, to touch in general. When he first started school, that got him in a lot of trouble. He kissed his new friend Jenny when she helped him with an english exercise, that earned him a punch and the end of a friendship. Ianto was so mortified, he didn’t even noticed what he did wrong until his mother explained that he should always ask to a person if it’s okay to kiss them. That made no sense to him, it’s not like he wanted to start a relationship with Jenny, then he realized that fifty-first century kisses corresponded to pats on the shoulder in the twentieth century. The worst happened when a few months later, he tried to kiss Lewis, a beautiful blonde guy that he met during p.e. 

This time he did try to kiss him romantically, in the locker room, when all the other kids were getting ready. He thought that he felt a connection between them, but when he went in for the kiss, Lewis pushed him, pointed at him and screamed a word that he didn’t know the meaning to. All the other kids turned at the scene and also said that word. Even if he didn’t know the meaning, he could see the derision in their faces, which made him run away from the locker room to a bathroom stall where he threw up. 

He asked a janitor to call his mother. When he went home Glenda told him that the problem was not that he kissed someone this time, but that he kissed a boy. She told him that she didn’t care that he was gay (to that Ianto responded confused that he also liked girls), and that he loved him anyway. All of it was very confusing because why in the hell wouldn’t she love him anymore? She explained to him that it was not considered normal for two people of the same gender to like each other, and other people found words to discriminate them. That was one of the worst day of his life since he had escaped, he fought so much for freedom, only for it to be torn away from him. He asked his mother not to tell his sister and father, and that he would have told them when he was ready. That was the downfall of his extrovert self, at school he didn’t talk to anyone, he became closed off and didn’t smile anymore. 

On a lighter note it had been fun to discover new festivities. He already knew about Christmas and New Year, the only two universal human festivities that survived through the centuries. Halloween didn’t make sense to him, but he wasn’t gonna complain if at the end of the day he got to wear a spooky costume and strangers were giving him free sweets. Easter on the other hand was really interesting since Ianto’s family were Christians and he got to see a side of their cultures (chocolate eggs were a plus though). He kinda missed “diwrnod o ddiolchgarwch” also known as “gratitude day”, typical festivity of his planet when people migrated from all over the world to the Cerridwed Mountain, and spent three days there to express their thanks to the gods of the native people of the planet for giving them a land to live. 

Fifteen years old Ianto Jones wanted to reinvent himself. After a couple of calculations, he discovered that his birthday was on the 19th of August, and when he told his family, since he never talked about personal things, they changed the date of the birthday that the orphanage assigned him and they happily organized him a party when the day came. After the whole kiss accident he wanted to change school, Glenda and Elis, being the understandable parent that they were, said yes. In the new school, he made a couple of friends Jac, Dylan, James and Catrin (who was James’s girlfriend). They all came to the party and celebrated together. At this point in his life, Ianto was a very private person, he didn’t talk much anymore and found out that he liked that way. Instead of saying everything that passed through his mind all the time like he used to, he settled for dry and witty jokes. Sarcasm was his strength, a good thing to hide behind. He settled into a peaceful routine, between school and friends. He dated a girl Anna, that was in the same chemistry class with him. They didn’t last long, but it was nice, finally feeling like a twentieth century human. 

Sixteen years old Ianto Jones, was the happiest he had ever been in a long time. His grades at school were great,his relationship with his family was wonderful, his sister just had a son, he and his mates were allowed to hang out almost every night, and he was dating Grace. Grace was Catrin’s best friend, a brunette with green eyes. She started to go out with them and that’s when they met. She was super sweet and energetic, talked a lot but Ianto didn’t mind, he was a good listener. One day, while they were all out, she took him apart and confessed her feelings for him. That’s when Ianto kissed her, and felt properly in love after a long time. Grace was his first girlfriend. Grace was his first time. 

He really liked Grace because he never really had to explain anything to her. His silences, his scars. She just excepted him as he was. 

But even good things came to an end.

A year later, James and Catrin broke up. It was a bad break up because even if James still cared for Catrin, he fell in love with another girl, and dumped his girlfriend out of the blue. Catrin was so mad with him and since Grace was her best friend she sided with her, while the boys sided with James, as a result their friendship group was broken. Seventeen years old Ianto Jones found himself in a difficult situation, when Grace arrived at his house giving him an ultimatum.

“You’re nothing like them Ianto, you don’t have to hang out with them.” She said that night.

“Grace, they’re my best friends! I can’t just don’t see them anymore! What would’ve been better? That James cheated on Catrin because he wasn’t interested in her anymore?” He said trying to reason.

“Oh so you agree with him! So what? One day you’ll get bored of me and dump me without an explanation?” She shouted at him.

“No! Me and James are two different people, I’d never do that! You are important to me Grace...” he countered.

“That’s what I’m saying! You’re better than them Ianto! Just find new friends.”

“No.” Ianto shook his head.

“Then I guess this is over.” She gestured between the two of them.

“Are you making me choose between you and them?” He asked in disbelief. 

“Yeah. I am.” She said coldly.

“Please don’t do this.” He pleaded. 

She shook her head.

His shoulders slumped. He swallowed. 

“Then I guess this is it.” He stared at her mimicking her coldness.

“Ianto, you know I love you.” She tried.

Ianto nodded. “Yeah. I guess your love isn’t enough.” 

He saw her blinking back tears.

“It’s better if you go know, I don’t wanna see you anymore.” He slammed the door in her face and went to his room trying to process another heartbreak in his life.

Things only got worse from there. Even if his break up wasn’t really James fault, he found himself pushing him away, and with him also Jac and Dylan. 

“Why don’t you hang out with James and the others?” His mum asked him one evening, noticing that Ianto didn’t go out with his friends anymore. 

Ianto was at the kitchen table reading a book while Glenda was preparing dinner, Elis in the living room watching rugby.

Ianto looked up from his book, but didn’t say anything, just shrugged. 

“Ianto.” Pressed his mother.

“Mum, I don’t wanna talk about it.” he lowered his gaze to his book again.

While Glenda waited for the water to boil she turned to look at his son. 

“You should try and solve whatever is happening between you four. Avoiding the problem is not gonna solve anything.” She said sternly.

Ianto mumbled something under his breath.

“Look at me when you talk.” 

Ianto abruptly stood up from his chair. “I said I don’t wanna talk about it! Let it go!” his voice rising more than he intended to.

Elis appeared at the door and looked at Ianto.

“Hey!” he shouted.

Ianto flinched and his gaze snapped from his mother to the man. His father almost never shouted. 

“Elis-“ started Glenda, but the man held his palm up.

“Ianto go for a walk, and when you calm down, come and apologize to your mother.” His father regained his calm façade but his tone was still angry.

Ianto swallowed, then nodded, and hurried to leave the house. The last thing he heard was his mother saying “Was that really necessary? It’s already late and you sent him roving around in the dark, alone.”

But he didn’t hear what his father replied since he was already marching down the road, cursing the heavens. 

He reached a playground, where all the swing were broken and the slides were rusted. God sometimes he hated where he lived. He sat on a bench, closed his eyes and let out an exhausted sigh. 

After not even a minute, a voice came form his side “Problems with your girlfriend?”

Ianto startled and shot his eyes open. Looking down on him was a guy, around twenty years old, wearing a black hoodie. He couldn’t see his hair, that were hidden under the hood, and since there was no light in the playground he couldn’t be sure about his eye color either. He was just a little bit taller than him. He didn’t have the most trustworthy face but he didn’t care at moment. 

He shook his head. “Nah, nosy parents.” He said simply. 

The man groaned. “Ugh they’re worst” he exclaimed. 

Ianto didn’t really agree to that, but his father knew that he hated loud noises, so he found himself nodding. 

The man sat next to Ianto on the bench, and extended his hand. “Max” he smiled.

Ianto shook his hand. “Ianto.” 

Max nodded and then his hand reached in his pocket and got out two joints.

“Here.” He handed one to Ianto. “It will help you relax and I don’t like smoking alone.” 

Ianto smoked once in a while, never weed but ‘ _how much difference can there be_ ’ he thought. He took the fag and let Max light it up. 

He listened to Max rambling about his life. He was twenty one years old, lived in Newport like him, he was a barber but his boss fired him a couple of days ago because he went to work drunk. Max didn’t seem to care that he lost his job, he said that his father left him with a good amount of money when he died, but he hadn’t found the will to move from the house where he grew up. He had no family or girlfriend, just a couple of friends. He said to Ianto that when he’d find another job, he’ll be satisfied with his life again. Ianto envied him, Max had this carefree attitude, that Ianto could use in his life. 

Noticing that a lot of time had passed while listening to Max life story, he interrupted him. “Max, it’s really late I gotta go home.” 

Max looked at him frowning. “I thought you were avoiding home.” 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to worry my mother.”

Max seemed to consider this new information and then said “My mother was a bitch...anyway, if in the future you want some company I live in that house.” He pointed a house near the playground. 

Ianto nodded. “Thanks Max, see you around.”

Max smiled and lighted up another cigarette and Ianto left him to it.

When Ianto approached his neighborhood he saw his mother sitting on the doorstep, probably waiting for him. He accelerated his pace and finally came in her field of vision. 

“Ianto!” She exclaimed and hurried towards him, as soon as he was at reach, she engulfed him in a hug.

“I was so worried” she said holding him tightly. “Where were you? It’s been two hours!” Ianto’s mind blanked, it wasn’t really like him to lose time, so he settled for “I’m sorry mum.” 

She gave him one last squeeze before letting him go “All forgiven already! Never do that again though! Come inside, you haven’t even eaten yet!” 

That was it for that night. But after that episode, Ianto started going out with Max almost everyday, not because he found his company really that pleasing, but he simply hated being alone. Too much time had passed and he was too proud to reconnect with his old friends. Max and his friends were most of the time either too drunk or stoned to even care that Ianto spent time with them. 

A month after his eighteenth birthday, his mother got ill. When he heard that she had cancer his world crushed down on him again. Ianto was so mad. Why couldn’t things go well for once in his life? Insurance covered the pay for the treatment, but his father still spent day and night at the shop. Rhiannon came by their house everyday to help with lunch and dinner and other housework that their mother was too tired to do. As their mother disease advanced, his father began drinking. Ianto spent less time at their house not looking forward his bad moods. A lot of times he spent the night at Max’s house. Three days after he graduated from high school, he had a fight with his dad when he caught him smoking, he raged out of his home covering his ears leaving his drunk father yelling at him. 

He got to Max’s house and he found him slightly high.

“Ianto!” He beamed at him enthusiastically. 

“Hi Max, sorry for coming without notice-“

“Nonsense! Come! Come! Come! The others are already here!” 

As he entered a guy passed him a beer, he shrugged and started drinking.

The situation went from one to a hundred when he found himself in a prison cell. The afternoon that he just lived was all hazy and blurred. Stealing right in front of the guards of the mall may have not been the best idea, but he was so drunk and Max dared him to steal something. At the time it seemed like a completely sane idea. When the guard arrested him and brought him to the station, he suddenly realized that Max and friends ran away and left him dealing with the police on his own. 

“That’s Jones’s kid.” A policeman that Ianto recognized form his father’s shop told another.

“Which Jones?”

“Elis.” 

“Oh...hey kid, don’t you think that your father has enough to think about without you getting arrested?” The other guard addressed him.

Ianto didn’t know what to say so he just nodded, his headache was getting stronger. 

“Mhm, let’s not bother your parents shall we? You’re of age right?”

“Yes.” He said faintly. 

“Okay, now if you spend the night here, I’ll let you go in the morning, I’m not even going to give you a fine. I can’t let you go now, I have to give you some kind of a lesson. Elis Jones is a good man, you shouldn’t get into trouble.” The policeman finished. 

“We’ll give you a phone to call home so that they know where you are.” 

Ianto nodded again as he settled on the bench of the cell, trying not to think about the last time he ended up in a cell. He tried to call home but no one answered. 

When they released him in the morning, he had a bad feeling. He started walking home, the sensation that there was something wrong never leaving him.

When he finally arrived at his house, he found there Rhiannon waiting on the doorstep for someone, much like his mother did months ago. 

“Rhi?” He tried to take her attention since she was staring at the floor.

Her head snapped up and her face went through a mixture of emotion, her cheeks were rigged by tear tracks. She got up, “Ianto...” she sobbed, getting closer to him. Ianto was frozen where he was standing, there was definitely something off. 

As Rhiannon finally reached him, her face turned form sadness to anger. Before he even understood what happened, she slapped him in the face.

“Rhiannon what-“ he finally snapped into reality again.

“Where were you?!?” She yelled.

“I was...that’s not the point! What the fuck!” He replied massaging his cheek.

Rhiannon expression crumbled again, she started punching him repeatedly in the chest lightly. “Where were you? I was so worried! Ianto...tad...” she cried not ending the phrase. 

Ianto stopped her punches and hugged hertightly to calm her down, not understanding what was happening.

“Rhi, did something happened? Me and dad had a fight...you know how he gets” But that only caused her to cry harder on his shoulder. 

“Now now Rhi...what’s wrong? This isn’t the first time I don’t spend the night at the house, you couldn’t have been that worried...” he murmured. 

“Ianto...” she said leaving the hug. 

She looked at him in the eyes, and had the same expression when the Doctor told him that he couldn’t go home.

“Rhiannon, you’re are scaring me...spit it out” he said resolutely. 

Seconds passed in silence, Ianto had both hands on Rhiannon shoulders making her look at him in the eyes. 

“Ianto...there’s been an accident.” Her voce cracked. 

***

Ianto woke with a start. Damn, he had been living in London for a year in that apartment and he still wasn’t used to the irritatingly loud noise the alarm clock of his place made. He glanced at the clock that signed six o’clock. 

“Happy birthday to me.” He murmured drowsily at the ceiling.

Elis Jones died in a car crash that also killed the other car driver. Weirdly enough, they were both driving while drunk. When Ianto told his sister that he wanted to move to London to work instead of going to university, she understood. There wasn’t enough money to keep their mother in a facility and also pay for Ianto’s school. As soon as he moved out, with the promise to return every now and then to spend time with his nephew, Rihannon sold their childhood home. He now lived in very small apartment with just three small rooms, but at least it was near the city center and he didn’t have to share it with anyone. He worked in a coffee shop, obtaining the job easily enough when the owner tasted one of his cups and hired him on the spot.

“‘mething wrong?” a sleepy british accent came from beside him. 

Ianto almost jumped, but then the memories of the night before came into his mind and relaxed. He was 70% sure that the name of the guy laying naked in his bed was Noah, but he was not sure enough to risk it.

“Mhm no, but I think that yesterday I told you that if you wanted to spend the night here, you also had to leave at six since I have to get to work” Ianto totally forgot to tell the guy that but they had drank a lot the night before and Noah would probably think that he was the one who forgot.

“Uh?” Noah frowned “Oh. Right. Yes, sorry” he stretched awkwardly on the bed, and when he sat up he brushed his lips against Ianto’s “Last night was amazing Ianto.” He murmured.

Ianto made an affermative noise, not too comfortable with sharing an intimate moment with a stranger now that he was sober. 

“We should do it again, some other time.” 

Ianto both nodded and shrugged, god he was tired. 

After Noah picked up his clothes and dressed, he just waved and got himself out. 

Ianto groaned. “Another boring day of work.” he said to the empty room. He had to walk to work that morning because he took his sleeping pills too late for them to wear off completely at six; it wasn’t his intention to fall asleep at the wheel and didn’t want to bother his coworker asking for a lift. 

“Happy Birthday Ianto!” 

Right in front of him appeared a 1,50 m tall woman, with dyed blond curly hair and brown eyes.

Ianto held back an eye roll, Delilah was way too energetic in the morning. He smiled politely “Thank you.”

“At least this year I didn’t have to find out about your birthday three weeks after it passed!” She nudged him on the shoulder.

He grunted, a little out of character for him, that’s how she sensed his snappy mood because she giggled “Rough night?” 

“Not really, I expected a bigger hungover.” He responded to his coworker. 

She laughed at that “Who even gets wasted on Thursdays?” 

He mumbled something under his breath. 

“What was that?”

“Someone who wants a good shag?” He replied not really sarcastically. 

That’s the moment when the first costumer of the day entered. 

“Whore!” She hissed quietly before turning to the man waiting. “Good morning! What can I get you?”

“Just an espresso, please.” 

“Heard that Ianto?” 

“Mhm. On it.” Ianto responded already preparing the cup. The man sat at the table waiting, reading a newspaper. 

“Who would blame that person though...” Delilah said dreamily.

“Huh?” He asked confused.

“I mean, look at you! You’re so handsome Ianto!” She exclaimed a little too loudly for his comfort. 

“Shut it you! Flattery will get you nowhere” he said smirking. 

Delilah pouted, and after he served the costumer, she pleaded “Oh c’mon! Let a girl dream! Can I get at least one cup of your coffee?”

He laughed “Are you aware that you work in a coffee shop? Your coffee is good too!”

She shook her head “My coffee compared to yours is flavored water! C’mon! You already deny me of a date! Get me that coffee” she smacked his shoulder.

“Yes madame!” He mocked a salute. 

Since he moved to London he only had sex with strangers that he picked up at bars, incapable of starting new relationships. He was rather tired of the lack of intimate connection between him and another person. But everything in his life seemed dull, as if someone took his capability of falling in love. Delilah was a good friend, totally not his type though. 

The shop’s bell rang in that moment. 

They say that when you meet the love of your life, everything moves in slow motion. ‘ _That’s bullshit_ ’ Ianto thought as his heart was beating at least three times faster, as if it wanted to jump off his chest and do a little dance. Delilah elbowed him in his side “Close your mouth or you’ll swallow mosquitoes.” She giggled under her breath. 

That had to be the most beautiful woman it ever existed. She was really tall, just around ten centimeters shorter that him, her skin was dark as her hair and eyes, that at the moment held a sparkle of amusement as if she knew what effect she had on him. She was wearing a black and white tailleur that fitted her perfectly. 

She smiled warmly at him, “I’m sorry, is there a Ianto Jones here?” 

Ianto blushed as she addressed him, “That would be me, why?” he asked a little shyly. 

She let out a quiet laugh “This may sound strange to you...see my friend Matt and I are real coffee addicts. He’s coming here to take his morning coffee instead of the usual caféwhere we used to go daily. He said that you make the best coffee he ever tested, and I would like to see if he’s right.” 

As she talked he vaguely recalled a young man with brown hair and green eyes in a fine suit asking for his name. 

Delilah snorted “He’s right, alright.” 

Ianto shot her a glare, and she made a show of zipping her mouth, as if the girl in front of her couldn’t see her.

“Sure, miss?” He tried. 

The girl adverted her eyes a little embarrassed “Oh, Lisa is fine.” 

He smiled and nodded “I’ll make your coffee Lisa, don’t expect anything big, it’s just coffee, not rocked science.”

“Don’t mind him, he’s being modest, the chap.” Delilah winked at Lisa, which caused her to laugh. 

When he served her the coffee Lisa let out a little moan of pleasure, which cause Ianto to slightly blush. “If that’s how your coffee always tastes, I may have to marry you!” she joked. 

Delilah laughed with her “Oi! Get in line!” 

Ianto shook his head both amused and embarrassed. 

After that moment, Lisa Hallet and Matt Green became regulars. Ianto and Delilah spent a lot of time talking to them at the shop when they didn’t have to work. Thanks to Delilah (who asked) Ianto knew that between the two Londoners there was nothings, rather, when Delilah suggested it, they fake gagged saying that they grew up together and considered each other as brother and sister. 

“So...” Delilah interrupted the quiet atmosphere of the coffee shop.

He turned to her curiously “What?”

Delilah tapped annoyingly her fingers on the counter “Oh don’t act so clueless Ianto Jones! When are you gonna ask her out.” She groaned throwing her head back dramatically.

“Never.” He said resolutely. 

“Oh c’mon you’re so smitten! And she is also heads over heels for you! I don’t see where’s the problem!” 

“She is not smitten, she’s just kind.” He shook his head “She’s also way out of my league!” 

Delilah stumped her foot against the floor childishly. “Since when you’re so insicure and self conscious about asking someone out! And she’s not out of your league, you’re practically sex on legs!” She rolled her eyes.

“I’m insicure about it because she is not some nameless shag! I actually like her, Delilah.” he concluded angrily.

“Then ask her out! What’s the worse thing that could happen?” 

He was about to respond in kind, but Delilah actually growled, so he lifted his hands up in surrender “Okay! Okay! I’ll ask her out” he signed.

Delilah clapped her hands together, happy like a dog receiving treats.

He pointed fiercely at her “If she refuses you’re so gonna pay.”

It was a cold October morning when he finally gathered the courage to ask her out. 

The shop was covered with black and orange decoration since Halloween was close, not the most romantic setting, _but it’ll have to do_ , Ianto thought as he saw Lisa and Matt enter the shop, both as elegant as ever. 

“Good morning guys!” Delilah smiled a 1000 watt smile as soon as she saw them enter, Ianto shot her a glare, she knew that he was going to ask Lisa out today and she was already making things weird. 

“Ianto! Delilah! What a beautiful morning isn’t it!?!” Matt exclaimed with the same enthusiasm and exchanged a look with Delilah, what the hell did that mean he didn’t know.

“Matt why are you shouting it’s six thirty in the morning and I still haven’t had my coffee” muttered Lisa.

“I can resolve that.” He said immediately to Lisa “what can I get my favorite costumer?” and immediately mentally kicked himself for how cheesy that sounded. Lisa however, didn’t seem to mind because she smiled brightly at him, “Ianto, you lifesaver of a man, can I get a frappuccino, please?” 

“For me a cup coffee with cream, please” added Matt. 

Before he could even get to the coffee machine Delilah took his place and raised his eyebrows at him with a murderous look. He swallowed and nodded, turning again to the counter where he found only Lisa, since Matt seemed all of a sudden interested in the cakes that were in the freezer on the other side of the shop. 

His gaze dropped to the counter and started making little circles on it with his finger. 

“Lisa...I was wondering...” he coughed trying to regain a little confidence in his voice.

“Yes?” She asked eyeing him carefully.

Now or never.

He raised his gaze to meet hers and blurted out “I was wondering if you wanted to come on a date with me.” 

Her eyes widened and he didn’t dare to breathe. She shot a quick dirty look over her shoulder where Matt was, then he turned to him again. 

“Did he ask you to ask me out?” she said quietly dropping her head down.

He shook his head. “No...” he replied confused.

Her head shot up, “Really?” She asked happily.

“Well, yeah, if you want to...”

She clapped her hands together. “Ianto I wanted to ask you out for so long! I didn’t know that you were interested! I kept whining with Matt that I didn’t have the courage...of course I’ll come on a date with you!” she stopped her rumbling in favor of a smile.

He returned the smile but his heart was still beating fast in his chest so he all but squeaked “You? Interested in me?” 

She laughed and blushed “Well yeah? I mean look at you” and then covered her face with her hands for what he assumed was embarrassment. Their faces were really close as they were talking, so when they heard a loud clap they snapped out of their little word andseparated with a start. They turned their heads to the side where Delilah and Matt just loudly high-fived each other and were now looking at them both amused and pleased with themselves.

“Ladies and gentlemen...” exclaimed Matt 

“...Mission accomplished.” Concluded Delilah.

“I’m so gonna kill you-“ started Ianto

“You little shi-“ said Lisa 

Lisa and Ianto turned their gazes to each other again and after a second of silence the two bursted out laughing, soon followed by the other two.

***

Turned out, that to actually go on a date they had to wait until mid November, when Lisa was finally free from all her work. But here he was, friday night, outside of a restaurant near the Thames. They decided to meet there and Ianto got to wear the only suit he owned, it was the one that his father made for his eighteenth birthday but he never got to wear it because he didn’t celebrate it in the end. He was waiting on a bench outside the restaurant moving his leg up and down nervously when he spotted Lisa coming towards him, she was wearing a dress with silver paillettes. 

“How come you look more beautiful every time I see you?” He asked as she approached her.

She grinned. “You got the date there is no need for all this approbation anymore, even if it’s appreciated.”

He shook his head “What kind of a date I’d be if I didn’t even tell you that the dress you’re wearing is magnificent? Although, I bet that even a garbage bag would look good if you wore it.” 

They finally met each other and exchanged a kiss on the cheek. Lisa moved her hand on Ianto’s arm up and down “I didn’t even know that you could look more handsome but here you are, this is a very nice suit, it fits you perfectly Ianto.” 

They locked eyes and then started giggling.

“You know, I thought that this was going to be awkward, we been friends for almost four moths now, but you make everything so easy Yan.” She said quietly.

He nodded feeling his early nerves disappear. 

“Oh I don’t know, the date just began, maybe you’ll discover that I have horrible table manners.” 

She punched his shoulder lightly.

“Jokes aside, I know what you mean, I feel that you and I are kindred spirits.” 

She smiled brightly “Want to enter the restaurant or do we want to freeze our arses off out here?”

“You’re such a sweet talker milady” 

“tosser.” 

At the entrance a young waiter met them “Good evening, sir, madame. I’m afraid the restaurant is full.” 

“We booked a table for this evening.” 

The waiter nodded and asked “Sure, under what name, sir?”

Ianto tipped his head to one side “Shran?” 

The waiter looked down on a list, “Yes, of course, Sir. Follow me please.” 

When they settled down on the table Lisa asked confused “Shran?” 

“Ehm yes. You have no idea how many times my orders got confused with others that havethe surname Jones. It happens more in Wales but...” he shrugged “It’s a habit now.” 

She smirked “Okay but Shran? That’s such a strange surname to give.” 

He scratched the back of his head “Yeah well...” he raised his shoulders “It was my mate’s” 

She nodded. 

When they finally ordered he started “So...you said you work for the government, you must have been really busy if you didn’t have one free night until now.”

Lisa gave him an apologetic look “I’m sorry if I made you wait so much, there either was an emergency or I was just too tired to put together full sentences.” 

He narrowed his eyes “You said you worked for special ops, you don’t work for the MI5 do you?”

She shook her head “No no no, I don’t even go out in the field, me. It’s a different type of organization, I work on the Human Resources side of it.” 

He nodded thoughtfully. “My job kinda looks lame now.” 

She kicked his leg under the table. 

“Ow.” 

“There is nothing wrong with working in a coffee shop.” 

He raised his hands “I know I know. It’s not the kind of job I saw myself doing as a kid, that’s all.” 

“Oh? And what did you want to do?” She asked interested. 

He thought for a moment back at his childhood, a small smile playing on his lips. Trying to find the words to explain it to Lisa, he decided to go for “I wanted to be an astronaut, explore the stars.” 

She gave him puppy eyes and her bottom lip turned down in an adorable pout “That’s just so cute Yan.” 

“Yeah I know a lot of kids want to do that, but I’ll let you know Miss that I was quite serious. I read physic, astrology and engineering books when I was ten.”

“Oh really?” 

“Didn’t understand much though” 

She laughed “Of course stupid, you were a kid. But we’ve had some deep conversation in the shop, you’re so smart. If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you go to university? I mean, you could still go.” 

He looked pensive “Didn’t have the money for books and taxes, we’ve had some trouble at home” he shrugged “Maybe, I don’t know. I wasn’t really good at school. Don’t get me wrong, I love learning and studying, but the school system isn’t the most stimulating.” 

She nodded and signed “I know what you mean.” 

“The job I have is not my dream job, but it’ll have to do for now.” 

When they started eating she asked, “So...do you have a big family or?”

“Mhm, my father passed away when I was eighteen. I have my mum even if I don’t see her a lot anymore, she is ill. But my sister Rhiannon is married with a nice, if not nosy, guy, she’s now pregnant with a girl. I hope that she’s less of a trouble than my nephew David. I don’t see him much but he’s so much like his father that one.” 

She had her chin on one of her hand and was looking at him lovingly “You have a nephew and gonna have a niece? I so want to see photos of him, I bet he’s cute if he has even a small part of your genes.” 

“Oh he’s cute alright, I spoil him to death. But genetics have nothing to do with it...” he shifted in his chair “I was adopted.” 

“Oh.” She tilted her head “You never said.” 

He shrugged “They’re my family.” 

“Oh I understand don’t worry. My mother and father both passed away when I was little. I was practically raised by my uncle and aunt.” 

He nodded in acknowledgment. “How did you meet Matt?” 

“School friend, we were in elementary together, and then middle school and high school. We even work in the same organization, even if different departments.” 

“I get now what you mean by the fact that you consider yourselves as brother and sister.” 

She smiled “What about you and Delilah?”

“We have known each other for almost two years now. In the beginning she was infatuated with me-“

At her alarmed look he added quickly “Not my type, don’t worry. I gained a real friend, in the end. It was her that practically threatened me to ask you out on a date, because with my crush on you I was making her life miserable” he laughed at the relief on Lisa’s face. 

“Then I guess that I have to thank her, buy her something...” she tapped her finger on her chin in thought.

When they finished eating he had to practically shove Lisa out of the way because she wanted to share the pay of the bill. “I asked you out on a date, next time, you’ll pay.” 

She raised an eyebrow “Next time?”

“I- umh- I mean-“

“I’m joking Ianto, of course there’s gonna be a next time. Tonight was amazing.” 

“Let’s hope we can organize the next one sooner.” 

They reached their cars, they decided to just have dinner because the day after they both had to work, and wake up early. He was leaning to kiss her cheek in goodbye when she tilted her head and met his lips. Surpassed the first moment of surprise he immediately opened his mouth so that the kiss could deepen. He felt her soft tongue brush against his, warm feeling rising in his stomach that he didn’t feel in so long. She was the one who started it and she was the one who ended it. When they separated she was slightly panting and their foreheads were touching. 

“I can’t wait to see you again.” she whispered. 

The wind was cold and strong, but that wasn’t the reason for his shivering.

“Me too. Goodnight Lisa.”

“Night Ianto.” 

They shared one last look and then they both climbed in their cars and drove away.

*** 

Delilah was shooting at him angry looks throughout the morning and Ianto was trying his best to ignore her. 

It was the first week of December and the shop was almost full of clients that wanted a hot beverage to warm up.

“What?!?” He asked angrily to her when he finished preparing a girl a cup and she sent him another glare.

Delilah had at least the sense of looking guilty. 

“Me and Lisa had a girl night, yesterday.” She quipped. 

He indicated another client at the counter. 

“He’s waiting.” 

“Uff.” 

“As I was saying, me and Lisa talked last night.” She returned by his side.

“I’m glad that you and her are spending time together, but I still don’t understand why that makes you mad at me.” 

“I’m not angry Ianto...more like confused and irritated.” 

Ianto stopped his coffee making to look at her “Why? What did she say? Did I do something wrong?” 

He had the impression that the last four dates went really well. 

“It’s more about what you didn’t do...” she said cautiously.

He frowned, “What? What are you talking about?”

She looked sheepish and glanced at the shop full of people “Well...” she coughed “Why didn’t you, you know...seal the deal?” 

He gave her an affronted look “You want to talk about my sex life while we work?” 

“Mhm, more about the absence of sex life” she muttered.

“We are not talking about this while there are still clients to serve alright?”

He knew that in the end Delilah would want to get the the bottom of the problem, she was that persistent. 

She scoffed and huffed at the same time but finally got to work. 

Now that the first weave of workers left the shop, the gentle hum of the place was once again ruined by the little curious devil.

“What is it Ianto? I thought you liked her.” She whispered. 

“I do like her...I just...want to wait.” He said, even he wasn’t believing himself.

She narrowed her eyes “You’ve been dating for almost three months.” 

“Not really...I’d say two months even less.” 

She raised her hands in the air in frustration “Ianto, when we first met you changed sex partners like pairs of shoes. If I remember correctly, I gave you a whole lesson about the reason why that wasn’t really healthy for a nineteen years old-“

“And if I remember correctly I told you that just because you’re three years older than me that didn’t give you the right to mother me.” 

“-And then you turned twenty and I said to myself what the hell, let the guy do what he wants. But now you have been dating Lisa for months and you don’t want to sleep with her?” 

“It’s not like I don’t want to sleep with her, god you have no idea how much I want that” 

“Less horny talk, more explanation Jones.”

“I may be a little...insicure with my body” he mumbled under his breath.

“Sorry didn’t catch that”

He signed, this was going to be difficult, where were the costumers that bothered him when he needed them. 

“The thing is, my body isn’t a pretty thing to look at.” He whispered.

Delilah didn’t make any snarky comment for once in her life. She took his hand “What are you talking about Yan, you’re in perfect shape and you never had this problems with other people that you slept with, if I understand correctly. Where is this all coming from?.” She asked concerned.

“I’m not talking about my weight, Deli. I just have a lot of scars on my body and it’s never been a problem with strangers, you know, lights off, never gonna see them again and all that. But I want to see her, and I want her to see me and I don’t want to see disgust or pity in her eyes. I can’t take that one step forward because I’m afraid she’d leave me.” He said quietly. 

She looked in those terrified pools and didn’t resist the urge to hug him. If you got to really know Ianto Jones, you’d know that even if he says otherwise, he lives for human contact. 

“I really don’t want to pry Ianto, but where all the scars come from?” she asked quietly.

“Nightmares from very long ago, Deli. I’m just not a pretty sight.” he responded defeated. 

In reality, he grew a lot taller from when he was fourteen, making the scars on his body less bigand more faded but they were still very noticeable. 

She grabbed his head in her hands, “Look at me love.” 

He nodded.

“Lisa Hallet is not the kind of woman that will break up with you just because you’ve got a couple of scars.” she said firmly.

“It’s not just a couple” he whispered.

She shook his head with her hands “Oi! I said she will not care alright? Don’t let your insecurities get a hold of you”

He nodded again but didn’t look convinced.

“If she breaks your heart then she’ll have to leave the country before I get a hold of her.” 

He conceded her a small smile and she let go of his head. 

She patted his shoulder “But like I said, that won’t be necessary, Lisa is an amazing girl.” She concluded.

“Yes, she is.” 

*** 

“Hello?” He said into the phone.

“Ianto! What a surprise! You usually never call at this time.” Lisa responded.

“Yeah, I’m sorry if I’m disturbing you at work.” 

“Not at all. What’s up?”

“I was curious if you didn’t do anything tonight, we could see each other.”

“Yan, I work until late in the evening, I’ll probably be too exhausted to go on a date.” 

“I’m not really talking about a date. Maybe you could come over at mine and we can spend the night eating takeaway, watch a movies, and...you know...other stuff.” 

There was silence at the other end for a moment until Lisa finally said “Yes! Of course! Can’t wait really...I’ve never been up to your place. Make sure you order dessert.” 

“I promise” he smiled even if she couldn’t see him.

“And you always keep your promises.” She laughed. 

“That’s right.”

He heard voices on the other end of the phone. 

“See you tonight, gotta work.” 

“Sure, bye Lisa”

Around 20:00 o’clock, Ianto went to his favorite Italian place to bring the food at home since Lisa would come around 21:00. He arrived home with a bag full of containers with steamy food in them. After ten minutes he heard the intercom buzz. 

“Who is it?”

“Ianto! Lisa!”

Ianto chuckled at the response and clicked the button to open the door of the building.

He heard Lisa ask “What floor?”

“Second. The first door you see when you get out of the elevator.”

“Coming up” and he heard the door shut again.

Not even two minutes after he heard the doorbell.

He opened the door to see Lisa in the same clothes she wore that morning to go to work, a simple elegant black tailleur and white shirt. 

They kissed lightly on the lips as an hello and Ianto stepped to the side to let her in. 

“I’ve come here right from work” Lisa said as she followed Ianto into his kitchen that was also his living room. Lisa looked around his place, it was tidy but also really small so all the furniture were almost overlapping. 

“This is...” she started 

“Tiny” continued Ianto for her. He saw Lisa apartment, it was three times his.

She shot him an annoyed look. “I was gonna say cozy.”

He shrugged as he put a tablecloth on the kitchen counter. He gestured Lisa to settle down on the high stool in front of his. 

“So what did you get? I’m starving.” 

He smiled as he opened the containers. “I went to Totò’s”

Lisa hummed in appreciation “I only went once, but last time I went the food was delicious.” 

Ianto nodded “Best italian place in town if you ask me, very underrated though. A small part of me hopes it stays that way, I can’t be bothered to wait too much for food.”

He transferred the food from the envelope to the plates, and he settled one in front of Lisa and one for himself.

“Sausages and mushrooms tagliatelle, I tried it the other day and they were spectacular.” 

He eyed Lisa taking a forkful and then heard her groan in appreciation. “God this thing melts in my mouth.” 

He also let out a happy noises that could be described as purrs, “We have to thank Delilah, she’s the one obsessed with Italian and Spanish cousine. I’ve learned quite a lot on the matter listening to her rambling about it.”

They ate in comfortable silence, both of them enjoying the meal. After they had both finished he asked “So how was work today?” 

“Get me that dessert and I might tell you.” 

He laughed, took both plates and put them already in the dishwasher. He grabbed a container from the fridge, held it high in both of his hands and exclaimed “Tiramisù!” 

Lisa patted excitedly the center of the table to make Ianto put the dessert down.

He gave her a little spoon and both ate from the container. 

She cooed happily squirming on the stool.

“You’re adorable” he told her warmly, completely distracted by her that he forgot to ask about work again.

“You” she pointed the spoon at him “spoil me too much.” 

He shook his head amused “I promised didn’t I?”

She nodded “That, you did.” 

They exchanged a meaningful look and little smiles while they finished eating the dessert. Lisa stretch with a look of satisfaction spread on her face and patted her stomach. “I could get used to this.” She smiled.

He got up and cleaned the table while talking about his day at the shop. 

“So, gonna show me the place?” She asked once he was finished. 

“Not really that much to see but okay.” 

He open up his arms “Kitchen” he pointed behind Lisa “Living room” he took her hand and brought her to the small corridor and pointed to the end of it “that’s the bathroom.” Then he opened the door that was at the opposite side of the kitchen “and this...is the bedroom.” 

There wasn’t much in the bedroom, just a closet, a small wardrobe and, obviously, his double bed with a bedside table. The room was semi-dark because there was the light that was coming from the kitchen. 

As soon as they entered the room however, he felt something in the atmosphere shift. Neither of them were talking, they were just staring at the room, they could hear their slow breaths in the silence. Lisa carefully tilted her head towards his.

“Ianto...” she whispered.

He didn’t get to know what she was going to say, because all of a sudden it was as if a spell broke and for a moment, one brave moment, he let go all his worries. He forgot about his insecurities towards his body, the haunting months of imprisonment, the guilty that he felt for his father’s death, the anguish for his ill mother all alone in a facility, the dissatisfaction that came with his job. He just concentrated on the girl in front of him. The beautiful womanhe didn’t know the reason why she wanted to be with him. The person that took so much interest in him and wanted a chance to discover the real him. In that moment he just wanted to be a twenty year old guy, having an amazing night with his girlfriend. He launched at her and in one fluid movement their mouths met. The first kiss was not long, but was soon followed by many frantic sloppy kisses where their tongues intertwined together. Their breathing was getting louder every time they separated for air.

“Ianto...” she panted and grabbed his sweater so that when she dropped on the bed he fell on top of her. He gently grabbed her arms to sat her up on again so that he could pull her jacked more easily while she did the same to his sweater. This time while they undressed each other the kisses were more slow and their tongues explored their mouths. While his torso was already bare he was opening the buttons of her shirt, as she reached for his belt buckle. He raised an eyebrow and she let out an excited giggle, Ianto just relived that she didn’t comment on the obvious scars on his chest, and felt himself relaxing even more. Finally, they were just wearing their underwear and as with one hand reached for his bedside table to pull out condoms, the other was massaging her in a circular motion over her panties. The moans of pleasure she was making made his cock harden even more. He took off his boxers, opened the condom while Lisa, aware of the loss of his hand, took off her own underwear. He lowered himself again to kiss her, she put a hand on the back of his head to deepen the kiss. He suddenly uttered a moan of pleasure as he felt her other hand give his erection a couple of stokes. “Need you, now” he whispered against her skin as he trailed down her body with light kisses “then get on with it” she said with a tone of urgency as her body twitched with pleasure. He rocked against her entrance, teasing both of them for a couple of seconds. Then, having waited long enough, with one slow motion he entered her warm body and shivered as wave of pleasure enveloped him, they moaned at the same time and not even a second after she bucked against him “mov...e” she murmured. He started thrusting into her slowly as her hands run up and down from his neck to his arse. The thrusts start to become faster and Lisa looped her legs around his waist to pull him even closer. After a while he started to grunt Lisa name over and over as he felt his orgasm wash over him, the words that were coming from his mouth started to slur while Lisa threw her head back in ecstasy. He comes with a shudder and seconds later he is followed by Lisa.

After a while, as they were regaining their breaths, Ianto stood up, threw the condom 

in the bin at corner of his room, went to the kitchen to retrieve two glasses of water for him and Lisa. 

He handed the glass to Lisa “Thanks, things got a little heated” she laughed quietly. 

He nodded, opened the bedside table drawer and grabbed his sleeping pills. Then he turned to Lisa, “Spend the night here, there’s no need for you to go.” 

“I was just about to ask” she yawned “I’m not in condition to drive.” She smile tenderly. 

Ianto gave her a smile of his own, took the pills and said “I’m gonna warn you, my alarm clock is obnoxious. I’m dead to the world when I sleep so I need it.” 

“No problem...come here now” she patted the part of the bed near her.

He settled down and scooped her near him so that he could hug her from behind. “Goodnight Lisa” He pecked the back of her neck. She exhaled contently “Sweet dreams Ianto.” 

He inwardly snorted, with induced sleep he never dreamt, and he liked it that way. 

The morning after, he was woken by Lisa that was shaking his shoulder. “Close that damn thing Iantoooo” she mumbled annoyed. That’s when he noticed the roaring noise coming from his cock. He tried to shake his body awake and punched the bottom on the top of the alarm to stop the noise. “I’ve warned you.” he mumbled in his pillow. 

Then he felt lips brushing his cheek, “Don’t fall asleep again Yan, otherwise you’ll be late to work and I’ll feel guilty.” 

He sleepily sat up and practically dragged his body to the bathroom where he refreshed himself. Then he went to the kitchen to prepare coffee for both of them. When Lisa emerged from the bathroom to the kitchen she asked “Can I borrow one of your sweaters?” 

He turned to face her “Already stealing my things?” He asked smirking.

“Please, please, please” she begged.

“Yeah sure, I just don’t get why you need it, you’ll go back to your house to change before work, won’t you?” 

She scoffed. “Yes, of course I will. I just can’t physically wear my shirt, have you seen how many wrinkles it has?” She sounded so affronted at the idea. 

He stared at her for a second before stating “You. Are. My. Soulmate.” 

She laughed while he handed her the coffee, she hummed with pleasure “See” he indicated the coffee “this is the reason why I’m gonna marry you.” She said seriously.

He shook his head diverted “You keep saying that, I still don’t see any proposals” 

She tickled his side “Oh you’re talking about proposal, how long it took you to invite me up here?” 

“Hey!” he batted her hands away to avoid the tickling.

Once finished the coffee he settled both the cups in the sink. “I was worried” he murmured, looking at the floor.

“About what?” She asked tilting his head with her hand while the other brushed the hair fromhis eyes. 

“That you would feel repulsed by me...” he said in a even lower voice. 

She gave him an incredulous look “You do realize that yesterday you were amazing in bed.” 

He blushed “I ehm, yeah, I mean-“

“Ianto.” She frowned.

“I was talking about my scars” he mumbled.

“Oh...” she was still frowning.

He inhaled a shuddering breath, she didn’t know how many people he picked up and then when they were undressing looked at his body and found many ridiculous excuses to leave his apartment.

“I don’t care about your scars Ianto...I care about you.” She told him firmly.

“Yeah?” And he hated to hear the insecurity in his voice.

She nodded and smiled “Yeah.” 

He kissed her and then said “I have to get dressed and get to work, me and Delilah have this competition to who arrives first at the shop. I hate losing.” 

She laughed and got her things together “I’ll better go then, see ya!”

“Wait!” 

“What?” she asked at the door.

He kissed her long and deep, then said “You look marvelous in my sweater.” 

She sniggered “Shut up, you” and then left.

When he entered the shop, he saw Delilah smiling triumphantly at him. “7 seven losses for me, 10 losses for you.” 

He grinned “I’m glad to tell you my lady, that you won’t have to fly to another country to kick Lisa’s arse.” 

She gave him a confused look for the abrupt change of subject but then understanding drawn on her face and grinned. She smacked him hard on his back “That’s the Ianto Jones I know and love.” 

*** 

He saw Lisa fidgeting in the passenger seat and couldn’t ignore it anymore. 

“Lisa what’s wrong?”

“Your sister hates me.” 

He had to restrain himself from giving her an eye roll. Ever since he brought Lisa to his sister house when he went to meet his niece, she was convinced that Rhiannon hated her. He patted her knee “I’m sure Rhi isn’t still mad at you for breaking the crystal angel, it was an accident.” 

She buried her head in her hands in desperation “It was the twentieth years marriage present that your father gave your mother, Ianto. I’m sure I’ll never be in her good book.” 

“C’mon you met her only twice!”

“Yes, and the second time was at your twenty-first birthday and we didn’t talk once.” 

“In three days it’s Christmas, forgiveness spirit is in the air.” 

“Oh so she didn’t forgive me!” 

This time he did eye roll, “Lis, nobody could hate you.” 

She pouted “Promise?”

He caressed her cheek “Promise.”

“Besides,” he smirked “It’s only for dinner, in case things get too bad, as soon as we can we could flee the house.” 

“Ianto!” she exclaimed again desperately. 

“Joking! Joking! I just wanted to tell you, how much I appreciate that you got these day off work, and that you decided to spend them with me.” He tried to change the matter.

She shrugged “They conceded me these days only because I’m not really important. Poor Matt has to work on Christmas Day.”

“Well then I’m glad you’re not important to them, because you’re important to me.”

When they finally arrived at his sister’s house he was met by his 5 years old nephew at the door. 

“Mam! Uncle ‘anto!” he shouted.

“Hello David” he ruffled his blonde hair.

“Uncle! How are you? Did you bring presents? It’s almost Christmas! So, did you bring them?”

Rhiannon appeared at the door and hit the back of her son’s head “David! Stop being so disgraced! At least let our guests in the house before grilling them.” 

Ianto chuckled while he entered the house to give Rhiannon a big hug, then he said to the little one “Don’t worry they’re in in the car.”

David clapped his hands enthusiastically and dragged him in the house “Do you want to see Mica? She’s having a nap. Please uncle don’t wake her, she’s a crybaby.” 

Rhiannon scolded “David, she is a baby.” Then she eyed Lisa that was still standing at the door unsure of what to do with herself. 

“Well c’mon in then! I’ll let you know that David made you a gift.” Then she dropped her voice to a whisper “I’m sorry it’s an awful portrait made with pasta.” Lisa laughed and watched as Ianto gave her a “I told you so” look. 

In the end they remained even after dinner, the atmosphere was homey and even Johnny didn’t make too much ‘oh it’s so strange to see you with a girlfriend, I thought you were gay’ jokes. At the moment he, Lisa and David were watching ‘The Santa Clause’ on the couch while Johnny was already in bed sleeping and Rhiannon was arranging the gift under the tree. He was contently watching the movie while munching on the meringues that Delilah cooked and he brought to share with the family. He was watching the scene when Tim Allen in the movie becomes Santa Clause and starts riding the sleigh when he heard Lisa whisper in his ear “Ianto.” 

“Mhm?” He asked absently.

“I love this.” 

He turned to her to give her a smile thinking that she meant the movie, but when he noticed that she was watching him intently, he responded “Yeah, me too.”

“No you don’t understand.” She continued with muffled voice trying to not disturb David.

“I love waking up at your flat with you handing me coffee. I love how we bring takeout to our flats when the other had a rough day at work. I love how you talk about cinema like it’s some kind of exotic experience. I loved to see your eyes lit up when I brought you that suit for your birthday. I love how easily you get along with Matt and with my family. I love that you treat my cat as if it’s yours. I love that we been dating for a year and we only quarreled about small things that we resolved almost instantly. I love that you always keep your promises. I love spending time with your family. I love that we talk about how our wedding will be and how we still bicker about the name of our future kids-“

“I’m not naming my kids Oscar and Poppy, Lisa” he laughed quietly not really wanting to interrupt her but still trying to say something on the matter. 

She shushed him and continued “I loved how my life turned for the better since I met you. I love you Ianto.” 

She said it quietly but firmly, and it’s not like it was a big revelation. They knew that they loved each other. 

“I love you too Lisa Hallet.” 

Love could be the most complicated thing in the world, but at the time, it was the simplest thing he ever said. 

***

Ianto and Lisa were strolling in the streets of London talking about random things, when they heard people scream from the other side of the street. Their heads immediately snapped to the direction of the screams just in time to see mannequins breaking the glasses from the shops they were in. His mouth hanged open “What is going on?” he turned with a panicked expression to see Lisa also staring at the mannequins waking up to life. With trembling hands she reached her phone “I- I should call my superiors to informe them of the situation” 

Ianto turned his gaze from the plastic beings to Lisa and gave her a bewildered stare “And what the hell can your superiors do? Sending them a fax? I don’t-“

His rambling was stopped by the sound of a shot. The mannequins had guns in their hands. The mannequins had guns in their hands and shot a person right in front of their eyes. Lisa’s hands that were dialing a number froze. Ianto, with a shot of adrenaline that he hadn’t felt in so long grabbed her hand and started to run. 

“To my apartment, it’s closer” he shouted to Lisa. 

She gave him a tiny nod, her hand in his was trembling, he knew that that was probably the first violent death she saw. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay” he assured her and she squeezed his hand. 

Ignoring the screams that were coming from all over London, he entered his building and went straight to his flat, locking the door when Lisa entered. The windows were already closed. He went to the kitchen and brought Lisa a glass of water. She grabbed it and whispered with shaky voice “thanks” and drunk the whole glass in one gulp. She was starting to talk when he said “just a second.”

He typed in Delilah’s phone number and when Lisa realized what he was doing she reached for her phone again to call Matt.

“Ianto?” Came a sleepy voice. He signed with relief “Deli, you okay?”

“Yeah why wouldn’t I be?” She sounded more awake.

“Where are you?”

“At home. Sleeping. Why?”

“Don’t go out. There are...ehm...people shooting around.” He decided that he didn’t know how to explain what those things were.

“What? Terrorists?” 

“Look I don’t know, just stay inside.” 

“Yeah, yeah. You okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m ok. I’m at home with Lisa.” 

He turned his head to look at the girl that was sat on his sofa and she gave him a thumbs up. 

“Matt is also okay.” 

“Thank God.” Came from the other side. He knew that Matt and Delilah grew closer since he and Lisa started to date. He saw Lisa chewing on her nails but couldn’t read her face, he hoped she was not in shock.

“Look, I have to go. See you tomorrow at work.” 

She snorted “If tomorrow they let us work. See ya Ianto.” 

He closed the phone and sat down next to Lisa.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly.

“Yan, I think I know what those things are.” She said with hesitant voice.

He draped an arm around her shoulder in a comforting way. 

“I also have a theory but I’ll probably think I’m crazy” he responded.

“They’re aliens.” “It’s aliens.”They said at the same time.

He retreated the arm that was on her shoulder while she turned around to face him in shock. 

Silence stretched uncomfortably in the flat.

“What?”

“What?”

“We have to stop repeating each other sentences if we want this conversation to have sense” he said.

“Stop messing around Ianto, I’m serious. There is something I need to tell you. Something I may have omitted talking about my job” she said carefully. 

He felt panic raising in his gut “What are you talking about?”

She visually swallowed “I work for Torchwood.” 

“Yeah, I know. That’s the name of the organization you work for.”

“Torchwood deals with alien stuff.” 

“Alien stuff” he repeated slowly.

“For the Queen.” 

“The Queen” he narrowed his eyes trying to understand if this was some kind of joke induced by the shock. 

She slapped his arm “I’m serious! Okay, I’m just a secretary and I haven’t even seen an alien in my life until today, but I’m not joking!” 

He abruptly got up from the sofa “What are you saying?” 

She stood up too “I know. I know. It sounds crazy, and you’re probably too pragmatic to believe in aliens. But, I’m deadly serious.” 

He snorted “too pragmatic to believe in aliens” he muttered. He passed his hand through his hair “Lisa I don’t just believe in aliens. I know for a fact that aliens exist.”

They started another staring contest.

“WHAT?” she shrieked. 

He calmly raised his hands for what was coming. 

“Lisa. I’m from the future.” 

She gaped incredulously at him “Do you think I’m some kind of idiot?” she said through gritted teeth. 

He raises his eyes to the ceiling in annoyance, “I’m not joking Lisa! I’m sincere. I was born in the future where the existence of aliens is common knowledge.”

She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times “Even if that is the truth you didn’t think to mention this particular fact when we started dating?” she stated aghast. 

He belittled “Oh something like working for an alien organization?” 

“We are not an alien organization!” 

“Well you work with, and I quote ‘aliens stuff’!”

Lisa eyes widened as if she just realized something “Oh my god...are you alien?” She put a hand over her mouth.

He gave her a disappointed look “I’m not, but even if I were? Would you not love me anymore?” 

Lisa visually deflated and looked up to him with tears in her eyes “What are you saying? I love you no matter what” she said steadily. 

He grabbed her shoulders, and seated her on the sofa and then he sat down beside her. “Let’s all calm down alright?” 

She nodded.

They spent three hours straight talking about Ianto’s past and Lisa’s job. Ianto sparing the gruesome details, Lisa omitting the reputation that T1 had regarding how they handled aliens. The tv was saying that it was safe to get out in the street but Ianto still ordered pizza, not really trusting the news. 

They were silently chewing the pizza when Lisa all but exclaimed “Why don’t you come and work for Torchwood?”

He gave her a dirty look, “What? Why?”

“Ianto you clearly know a lot about alien things, you’re brilliant and you always say that working at the coffee shop isn’t your dream job.” 

Ianto let out a derisive noise “So what? I enter the Torchwood institute and say ‘yeah I know about aliens can I have a job here please?’” 

She gave him a torn look “Usually they scout people from university, that’s how they got me and Matt. But you can have an interview if someone gives you excess, and I could give you that. Just two things: you don’t say you’re from the future and absolutely don’t say that you know the Doctor.”

“Wait, wait, wait. I didn’t even agree to this! You’re already preparing my interview?” 

She scoffed “Ianto, you talked about an alien plant that grew on your planet for twenty minutes. You clearly need an outlet for all that knowledge that you have about our future.” 

“Lisa I can’t say anything about the future” he chastised her.

She huffed “I know. I get it. You explained it to me. But still, wouldn’t it make you feel more at home working for Torchwood?”

He signed “Cardiff and London are my home. However, I never felt more liberated thanks to the talk that we had.I can see how working for Torchwood would do me good...if I get the job.” 

“Yvonne will love you. Also, the paycheck is amazing.”

He laughed and played with the zip of his sweatshirt. “I don’t know...I guess you’re right. Why can’t I mention the Doctor?”

“Mhm, because he’s considered Torchwood number one enemy.” 

Ianto almost spit out his coke “Huh?” He coughed. 

“It’s not as bad as it seems. It’s just the Doctor pissed off Queen Victoria, that’s why the Torchwood institute was created. To protect people from alien attacks. Not all aliens are good. You know that.” 

He nodded.

“And it’s not like we’d shoot him on sight.” 

“Then what’s the excuse of you telling me about aliens if it’s not that I already knew their existence from my ‘traveling’ with the Doctor?”

“Well, we say that we were attacked by the plastic mannequins tonight and that you were certain that the things were aliens. So, I decided to spill the beans since I think that you would be a great asset to the institute.” 

He nodded “A lie close to the truth. I like it.” 

“Yeah I know, I’m a genius.”

He gave her a hug “I’m glad that you didn’t freak out too much about me being from the future.”

She rested her head on his shoulder “I was a bit freaking out in the beginning. But I’m already over it.”

She raised her head to look at him in the eyes, she smiled “Are all the boys from the future as perfect as you?” 

He snorted “I’m far from perfect.” 

“You are to me.”

He smiled down at her and kissed her cheek.

“Alright, l’ll do the interview. Just try to arrange it in the afternoon so I don’t miss work.”

“Fuck” Lisa muttered.

“What?”

“I can already imagine Delilah’s tantrum when she discovers you quit your job.”

He nodded thoughtfully “A little part of me wishes not get the job just so I could avoid that.”

***

One week later Ianto found himself in the Torchwood skyscraper, in a waiting room with other five people, men and women all around his age. A young man’s head poked out of an office “Ianto Jones?”

Ianto raised his hand, the man nodded “Come in, please.” 

Ianto got up and entered the office where there was a blonde woman in her forties sat behind a desk. 

The woman looked up from the files on her desk and addressed him “Ah, Mr Jones. Please sit down” she indicated the chair in front of her.

He sat down and the woman started offering her hand to him “Yvonne Hartman, director of Torchwood One.” 

Ianto shook her hand and he calmly added “It’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am.”

Even if he appeared calm, he was tremendously nervous on the inside, he didn’t know that the director of Torchwood herself would be making the interviews. Lisa told him that Hartman knew everyone that worked for her by name, and around a thousand people worked for her. Even for his memory that was next level. 

“So, Mr Jones...” Hartman smiled at him “Lisa told me a lot about you.” 

Ianto gave her a small smile as she continued“We usually hire people directly from university, but even this method isn’t too unusual, so I wouldn’t worry about the absence of any title of study.”

Ianto nodded. “I have been curious to meet you, I thought that you must be a brilliant person for Lisa to break the secrecy act...And I must say when the results of our tests came back I was not disappointed.” 

Every person to get an interview had to submit an aptitude test that was created by T1. The test was divided in two parts the first one was logic and the second one was a ton of questions that covered literally every subject a person could think of. Lisa said to him that only the first part was important to being hired while the second one was used to orient the employees in the different sections of the institute. 

“I’m glad” he simply responded.

Hartman shuffled a couple of papers and said “Let’s talk about the aliens, the other day...that was the first time you’ve met extraterrestrial life?”

Ianto noted that the young man behind her was taking notes.

“Yes, it was my first time. Lisa tired to explain to me that it was just a prank, but after one of them shot a man in front of our eyes, she couldn’t fool me anymore. That’s when we decided to run to my apartment. She saw that I was handling the situation really well, so she decided to tell me the truth, saying that I could be an asset for your organization.” 

Hartman made a gesture to the guy behind her and the guy nodded and then continued scribbling on his pad. 

“You were adopted Mr Jones?” She asked, her tone was light but her smile was almost too forced. 

Ianto tried not the shift in his chair, it’s not like anyone except the Doctor and Lisa knew the truth, but Hartman’s stare was becoming a little unsettling.

“Yes, when I was fourteen.” 

She nodded “The police report says that they found you out in an orphanage in Cardiff without any identification, no one reported your disappearance, you were hurt but that your wounds were already treated.”

Ianto swallowed “Yeah. I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what this has to do with anything.” 

Hartman looked surprised, “Just clarifying a few things.”

Ianto gave her a smile but it came out as a grimace “Of course.”

“So, where was Ianto Jones before the orphanage?”

“I don’t remember much about that time, just some flashes really.” 

Hartman narrowed his eyes “The medics and the police were convinced that you simply didn’t want to talk about it.” 

Ianto smiled reassuringly “I don’t. There must have been a reason for my brain to erase most of those years.” 

“Great. So Mr Jones...we already wanted to give you a job here at Torchwood One after that test, this was just a formality. So, we’d like to give you a spot as a junior researcher, and if you do your job correctly, then with time and experience you’ll be able to choose the branch that you prefer to work in.”

Ianto completely forgot the uncomfortable conversation happened just moments before and genuinely smiled “Oh, it’ll be a pleasure working for you Miss Hartman.” 

She waved an hand in the air “Not for me Mr Jones. For the Queen and Country.” 

“Of course, of course” he confirmed.

“Do you know Matt Green?”

“He’s a friend of mine and Lisa, yes, why?” 

“He works in research, actually, he’s the superintendent of the department, I’m sure he’ll be happy to show you around next Monday.”

“Matt is only a year older than me and he already has a high position?”

Hartman raised her eyebrows “In here seniority doesn’t matter, if you’re great at you’re job you’re definitely getting a promotion.” 

Ianto nodded “I’m glad to hear it.”

“Gareth pass me the contract” Hartman addressed the man behind her. 

“Here it is, ma’am.” 

Hartman pushed the paper in front of Ianto “You’ll be trained for field work and first aid medicine. One of our doctors will give you a medical in your first week work. This is an indefinite period contact, simply because we can’t give fixed term, our job has too many variables. The pay is this...” she indicated a number way too big for Ianto expectations “...but it will be higher in case of a promotion. You must sign the secrecy act here that says you won’t talk about the true nature of your job, other than who works here and who knows about us, like the Queen. Even if it’s hard to imagine you making small talk to the Queen, Ianto.” 

He laughed and signed the papers. Not even wondering what would happen if he wanted to quit the job. To that Yvonne would have responded that he wouldn’t remember nothing about the time there. But he didn’t ask, and she didn’t tell. They shook hands again, “I’ll see you on Monday, Mr Jones.”

“Again, it was a pleasure director.”

As he was leaving the building he bumped into Lisa.

She smiled brightly “I was looking for you!” she explained “How did it go?!?” 

“I’m hired!” 

She pulled him in a hug and practically crushed him “Aaa! I’m so happy! I knew they would see you were a genius!” she squealed.

He pecked her on the lips “I’m not a genius stop it!” he laughed.

She brushed her nose against his “I have to go, see you tonight at mine?” 

“Oh yes! Later love.”

***

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU QUIT?” Delilah roared.

The four friends were at their usual bar drinking while Ianto tried to deliver the news to his friend. 

“Yeah. I got a spot in Matt’s and Lisa’s organization.” 

“But- but- but!” Her head was snapping between him, Lisa and Matt. 

“We’re glad to have you mate.” Matt raised his glass in celebration.

“But now you left me all alone!” Delilah continued outraged.

“Deli, I’m sure John will hire someone nice” he tried to reason.

She shook her head “But you’re the coffee GOD! No one could ever replace you!”

He reached across the table to caress her shoulder “You learnt everything I could teach you, young student. Your coffee is as good as mine.” he tried to lift her morale.

She huffed a ‘young’ under her breath. “But I’ll miss you so much” he watched as her bottom lip started to tremble. Oh he could handle an angry Delilah, but a weepy one? Hell no. Fortunately, Matt saved the situation.

“It’s not like you won’t see us anymore! We’re a group, we stick together.” He put his hands over hers on the table.

Lisa added her hands to the tangle “You’ll see us every morning! We still need our dose of caffeine!” 

Delilah nodded “What about you Ianto? You’ll come right? Even if you don’t need my coffee.”

He nodded “Of course, our shop sells the best brioche in the world, I’ll be having breakfast there every morning.”

She gave him a brilliant smile as he added his hands on top of everyone else’s. 

***

The first weeks at work passed in one big blur. He now got why Lisa was always tired. Even if he had working hours, during the time he spent at T1 he always did so much that when he got out the building he always went directly from Canary Wharf to his bed, the only variable was with or without Lisa. The lab where he worked was filled with alien artifacts and devices that got his full attention. Working with Matt was also great and the two of them became closer than ever. Yvonne usually made her appearance once or twice a week to ask how the projects were going and every researcher was drove by the desire to know more about other world and galaxies. But not everything was peaches and dandelions. Every once in a while, he found himself in the cafeteria of his department, sit at a table discovering that he lost one or two hours of his life. When he talked to Matt about it, he shrugged and said it was normal, that their superiors simply erased their memory when someone came across something they didn’t have clearance to know. That didn’t really reassure Ianto since it happened a little too many times for his comfort; but he checked his body and found nothing so he simply let it go.

***

“Repeat to me why we have to give all these retcon pills to the bastards in London, Jack.” 

“Owen close your mouth when you eat you’re disgusting.” 

“Piss off Suzie.”

  
“What did you say fucker?”

“Children!” Jack exclaimed with equally amount of food in his mouth.

Toshiko shook her head slightly in disappointment.

“Isn’t it great that with all those medic they still haven’t figured out my formula yet? I don’t want Torchwood One to give people their experiment pills, who knows what that’d do to their memories” the last part was half rutted.

Suzie sent him a grimace while Tosh added “At least I hope they use it the same way we do, and not to do anything horrifying.” 

“I wouldn’t put it past those assholes” concluded Owen before giving another big bite to his kebab. 

Sometimes Suzie thought that Jack hired Owen just to change the calm dynamic that the team used to have. She signed and gave Tosh a look, as long as it wasn’t her to give alien pigs autopsies just because Owen decided to get drunk the night before, then she could remain professional. 

***

After helping with the clean up during the Slitheen incident, Ianto was promoted and given a chance to choose the branch were he wanted to work. He chose to be an archivist simply because it was a smaller department and way more calm and less rushed than the research one. He also had more free time to spend with Lisa. During his time in the archives, he had time to discover a lot about the institute and his origins. That’s when he discovered a file about Torchwood Three. He already read about the branch in Cardiff, in thedatabase there was information about Suzie Costello, Toshiko Sato and Owen Harper, but also about former team members, unfortunately dead. The thing that surprised him though, was that there was almost nothing about their leader. Captain Jack Harkness. He had seen him one time while he was heading to a meeting accompanied by Gareth, but he never got a good look at him. Now, he had found a paper file on the mysterious man. Said file, was hidden and forgotten under a pile of old boxes, he took it and brought it to his cubicle to read it where he knew the other guys wouldn’t disturb him. The strange thing was that the file was really old, it looked at least a hundred years old. Now that he looked at the old photo in the file, he noticed something he didn’t notice before. With a small smile he realized that the Captain was probably one of the most attractive men he ever set eye on. The jawline, the hair, the eyes, even the out of period clothes looked amazing on the man. But when he started reading the file he remained speechless. There were a bunch of reports of missions that were all from the past. That man should’ve been either dead or very very old. In reality though he didn’t look a day older that the black and white photos. A thousands possibilities went through Ianto’s mind and they all arrived at one possible conclusion. Jack Harkness was a time traveler. He read the file a couple of times to actually memorize everything perfectly before dumping it in a paper shredder. He didn’t know why, but the thought of T1 knowing something that someone from the inside tried to hide sent chills throughout his spine. On the other hand, this only got him more curios to meet the man in question. The chance presented itself when, after the Sycorax accident, he was promoted as head archivist and an item that would get the captain’s team attention entered their database.

***

Jack used to like London. That was before he found out about the existence of Torchwood. More precisely, Torchwood One. Now the only time that he had a reason to go to London, was when he had some business to do with T1. God he hated them so much. They were a bunch of self-entitled kids that got to play with the big guns and actually had the support of the government. Yvonne Hartman man was a strange woman, a mix between a mad scientist and a politician. She gave him the creeps. He hadn’t set foot in London since the Sycorax attack. He was still furious about that one. 

Today he was heading towards Canary Wharf because Tosh had made her monthly hacking and found out that in the archives was now present a very interesting artifact that no way in hell he was going to give London the time to figure out what it actually was. His plan was simple, enter the building, try to fly under Hartman’s radar and then tell the current head archivist to hand the device without much questions, he was the head of Torchwood Three, thank you very much. He did this easy trick almost ten times, sometimes he sent Suzie, but it never failed.

Surpassing the guards at the entrance, he finally entered the building, where he found the usual blonde woman waiting at the reception. He pulled on his best charming smile. 

“Good morning” 

As usual, his charms had no effect on Yvonne’s minions. A formal smile presented itself on the woman’s face. “Good morning to you Captain Harkness, how strange seeing you here when there isn’t even a convention. How can I help you?” 

He shrugged and tried to sound nonchalant “I have an appointment with the head archivist, we have important matters to discuss” and now it was his turn to give her a fake smile, that clearly said ‘you don’t have the clearance to know what we’ll talk about’.

But her smile didn’t faded, if only, it grew bigger.

“Sure, Captain.” 

Then she picked up the phone that was on her desk, and started typing numbers. 

“What are you doing?” He asked confused.

She looked up to him and smirked. “You know Captain, our new archivist noticed that some of our precious artifact, that used to be on our catalogue, disappeared without reason, Miss Hartman was very upset. So now, every time someone wants to go down to the archives that isn’t from T1, I have to check that the person truly has permission or an appointment to go down there.” 

Jack froze.

Fuck. 

He could already picture Hartman’s devilish smile when she’d find out that he was going behind her back. Before he could come up with a good excuse to why that was unnecessary and run away, fricking Vanessa was already on the phone with the archivist. 

“Jones,” she started and stopped when a reply came from the other side. She had the nerve to blush (oh so they knew how to blush) for whatever thing that person said, she smiled before continuing “Good morning to you too, sweetheart. Everything alright down there?”

Some other noises on the phone and Jack tired to walk away then and there “Look there’s no reason-“ but he was muted by Vanessa’s hand that rose and stopped him.

She looked up smugly at him and she said into the phone “Sweet, we’ll have a talk later. I actually called you because Captain Jack Harkness is here and says that you have an appointment with him, I wanted to check if that was the case.” 

Jack was almost visually sweating while he waited to being caught lying, his eyes searching the room for a way to escape. 

Then the woman frowned and adverted her eyes from him.

“Oh.” She said, as if disappointed. “Okay.” She closed the phone.

She started typing things on her computer and without looking up to him she said, “He’ll be waiting you down. A guard will escort you there.” 

It took a moment for him to catch up with what she said, and he put on a confident smile that he didn’t feel. “Of course he is.” 

She made an annoyed sound while he turned to one of the guards. “To the archives, please” 

The guard nodded and started walking to an elevator. Of course, he knew where the archives were, but they probably didn’t want him going around the building unsupervised. While the elevator was going down, he started to wonder why this person took the trouble to support his lie. Was he looking for favors or money? That wasn’t likely, Torchwood’s salary was very good. Did he want to blackmail him? But before he could ponder on other possibilities the elevator opened and the guard said “Just wait for him here, I’ll be waiting up.” Jack nodded. 

The London’s archives were very different from Cardiff’s. In Cardiff, he didn’t have even one archivist to sort out a catalogue or a filing system, the devices and artifacts were lying in unlabeled boxes. Impossible was to find things down the hub, the number of times he actually got lost through the corridors that were actually more like a maze was exponential. On the other hand, when you set foot into the Torchwood One’s archives, there were a couple of very big rooms with shelves that were almost three meters tall, all the stuff there labeled by the thirty archivists under the supervision of their boss. 

He was excepting the usual grumpy british fifty years old man to be waiting for him, but instead, what was presented in front of his eyes was...oh so different. The guy in front of him barely seemed over his twenties. He was exactly as tall as him, his shoulders were less broad though, making him look a little smaller than him. His hair were dark brown and his skin seemed whitened silky. He was wearing a black suit, like all the people that worked there, but his really looked expensive and hand tailored. It looked amazing with the purple shirt he was elegantly pulling off. When their eyes met though, his irises took his breath away. He met a lot of people with blue eyes, he himself had that eye color, but this guy’s eyes were indescribably beautiful. They had to be the clearest blue eyes he ever saw, they looked almost foreigns to everything that belonged on earth. 

He then realized that the he was literally staring the guy down for more than thirty seconds without saying anything, and the person in question was looking at him with a confused smile, so he shook himself clapping his hands together. 

“Hi, I suppose you’re the new boss around here.” He gestured the archives, trying to sound kind since this guy practically saved his ass even though he didn’t know the reason.

The man smiled, warmly and kindly, an odd look for the ones that worked there in London. 

“I am indeed, it’s a pleasure to meet you in person, Captain Harkness.”

Wow. That accent. Music to his ears. He should really get used to it since he had worked in Cardiff for decades now. 

“Believe me, the pleasure is mine, mister?”

“Jones, Ianto Jones. Perhaps we can move this conversation to a more private place?”

When the question registered he followed Jones’s gaze and his eyes met around thirty employees that were looking at them suspiciously from their little work cubicles. 

“Yes, that’s a great idea.”

Jones nodded, but instead of walking towards his office, he started walking to the miles and miles of shelves of the archives. 

“So...Mister Jones” He started when they were finally out of ear shot. The man was walking in front of him, looking from a shelf to another as if looking for something. 

“Yes, sir?” He asked almost distracted.

“Jack is fine. There is no need for you to call me sir since you just unquestionably saved my ass.” 

Jones abruptly stopped walking and turned towards him, with an unreadably face he said “Oh sir, don’t kid yourself thinking that I’m risking my job for you.” 

Jack internally sighed, here they were, London’s pricks at their finest.

Jack made a show of looking hurt. “Oh, no kidding? Wow and I thought you were helping me from the goodness of your heart.” 

The guy literally rolled his eyes at him. 

“So what’s your motive? Because if you think that you have some kind of leverage on me, then you’re wrong, I know how to make people disappear.” He added threateningly.

Jones bit his lip, and then surprisingly, he bursted out laughing. 

“Does that work in your interrogations? I bet the aliens always tremble with fear, sir.” he said amused. 

Jack really hated that this man was making him feeling self conscious. “Listen, what’s your deal, kid?” 

The guy recomposed himself and said “First of all it’s Jones, sir, we are not that close.” 

It was Jack’s turn to roll his eyes. “Alright, alright will you get to the point already?” 

The guy was making him feel all kind of frustrated, and that bothered him; usually he was the one to make people feel that way.

“I was getting to the point, but you wanted to make small talks” Jones said dryly.

Then he turned and started working in the depths of the archives again. 

“Oh, I too think that foreplay is a little overrated, I always like to go straight to the point.” But that didn’t get any kind of reaction from the man, not even a disgusted look that people from this century loved to give him whenever he spoke with a little innuendo. 

Before he could ask where they were going, Jones spoke again. 

“You should tell Miss Sato to be more careful when she hacks us. She’s brilliant, but even theidiot technician in our department will notice that she’s not some random hacker that wants to enter our systems if she uses the same codes every time.” 

Strangely enough, his tone was not accusatory, as if he actually wanted to give Jack an advice. 

“You know much about my team” It was more of a statement than a question. 

Jones responded with a quiet laugh “I know everything, sir. That’s my job.” 

Finally they stopped in front of a shelf with the letter ‘T’. Jones picked up a box, opened and extracted a little glass jar with pills inside.

Just what Jack came to collect.

“How did you know I wanted...” he trailed off when Jones turned his gaze from the jar to him, with one raised eyebrow and an amused smile. 

Jack narrowed his eyes, “Do you even know what they are?”

Jones scoffed and said “Truth candies. Directly from our future. They’re used by parents to prove when their child is lying,”

“How do you know all these things?” Jack interrupted.

Unperturbed, Jones continued “Inside the candies there is a low level truth serum. They are also targeted to humans, making them very dangerous for other species,” he raised a hand seeing that Jack was going to interrupt him again, he sent him a glare and continued “our researchers are really clever, I should know, I was one of them,” ignoring the sarcastic noise that came from Jack’s mouth he said “I’m certain that one of them is gonna choose these candies as a project soon and develop an actual truth serum that works on adults way before its time. We wouldn’t want that now would we?” 

Jack started at the man before him, shocked. 

This had to be a trick, right? No way one from London was not only worried about timelines, but also about the safety of other alien species?

“So...where’s the trick?” he asked.

Jones shrugged, and then literally shoved the jar in his hands. “Bring it to Cardiff, keep it safe.” 

Jack stared at the jar, then blinked at the man.

“Wait, wait, wait. What’s in it for you?” 

Jones frowned “Nothing. What kind of image do you have of us here in London?” 

Jack all but shouted “You guys are xenophobic douchebags!” When the guy just raised both of his eyebrows he tried to recompose himself.

“But maybe not all of you...why do you even work here?”

Jones shook his head confused, “I’m good with this stuff and it’s not like there’s another torchwood to go, sir. Four vanished, Two is more of a storage unit than a operating team and Three...” he cut himself with a giggle “Three is an exclusive team, how many there are of you? Four right?” 

“You’re different from everyone here. I could give you a job.” 

Jack never intended to give this guy a job, but he had the same feeling of when he offered a place to Suzie, Owen and Toshiko. He could already see this young man sorting his archives, helping the team finding connections between cases. 

But Jones was already shaking his head “I’m flattered, I really am, but I’m a very loyal person, Sir. My loyalty stands with Torchwood One and consequently with Yvonne Hartman, even if I don’t share many of her ideals, she’s still my boss. If anything should happen to T1 then my loyalty would be to you Captain.”

Jack was getting frustrated. “They don’t deserve your loyalty! You’re young and still you understand better than them that not all aliens are your enemies or your property! Look what they did to the Sycorax! That was murder.” 

Jones face hardened. “Yes, not all aliens are our enemies and I don’t stand by the motto ‘what’s alien is ours’. However, I stand by what my superiors did during the Sycorax situation.” 

“What?!? It was cold blood murder! Even if you don’t want to work for me you have to see that!” 

It was very infuriating the fact that he was screeching and Jones was staring at him calmly.

“Two reasons.” He stated.

“What?” 

“Two reasons why I understand the actions of my superiors. First of all, it wasn’t really our decision at all. The prime minister gave us an order and we executed it.” 

“So what, if the prime minister tells you to shoot innocent people, would you do it?” he asked incredulously.

Jones rolled his eyes “The prime minister would never, and even if something like this did happen don’t you think that this question is kind of hypocritical coming from a soldier?” 

Jack swallowed “Those were other times.” 

“If it helps you sleep at night...” Jones muttered, “Second reason. I would never, ever, sympathize with invaders.” Jones eyes became truthfully pained, and Jack felt his anger almost completely dissipate. There was no way...was it? Surely someone so young and clearly human couldn’t have experienced first hand the massacres that were alien invasions. 

“They came to our planet, not to ask for help or anything...no, they came here, threatened to kill millions of men, women and children and intended to make our entire race, slaves.” 

Jones voice wavered and his eyes became lucid. He closed them and dragged a deep breath. “So no, I’m glad that they won’t be trying to enslave other planets after ours when they see that their brothers and sisters aren’t coming back. That some planets are protected. That they should think twice before attacking.” He regained his composure. 

They stared at each other for a long moment. Jack hated to see the conflict inside of those beautiful eyes. He exhaled, “You’re right. You had every right to be angry. I...understand.” 

_Jav_! _Grab Gray and run_! no, no, no. He wasn’t gonna think about that, not after so long. 

Jones studied him for a moment, “You do don’t you?”

Jack nodded, “Yes, I just don’t understand how can you.” 

Jones let out a humorless laugh “And you probably never will Captain!” 

“As I said, I understand your point of view, I just know a very dear friend that really doesn’t see it that way and I kind of picked up his beliefs.” 

Jones looked at him for a moment. “Would this friend be the Doctor by any chance?”

Jack stared at him with wide eyes “Wha- how- could- do you read minds?” 

This time Jones really laughed and Jack smiled, he had a very contagious laugh. 

“I’m afraid not. But the reason why I don’t think that the Doctor is our number one enemy is on the list of things that you’ll probably never know.” 

“But why? Have you met the Doctor?” That would explain the guy’s open mind.

But Jones just gave him that infuriating smirk and said “It’s better that you go Captain, if Yvonne finds out that you were here she’ll wanna know the reason and I’m really not ready to lose my job.” 

Before he could answer Jones’s earpiece beeped, he tapped it and said “Yes? Oh yeah I’m coming love...” Jack involuntary groaned, of course he was taken, Jack never hated monogamy and 21st century more than in that moment. “Sorry they held me back...” he shoot Jack a glare and waved his hand at him. So Jack waved back and walked away with the jar hidden in the inside pocket of his coat. 

He met the guard near the elevator, the unexpected conversation with the archivist left him with an unsettled feeling in his stomach.

What was it about Ianto Jones? 

***

With their job the only big break that he had was on New Years. He and Lisa were in their apartment with the orange blob also known as Arthur aka Lisa’s cat. The three were cuddling on the sofa with their drinks of champagne ready.

“I feel so old we should be celebrating in a pub like Deli and Matt” Lisa muttered in Ianto’s shoulder, but he could tell that her tone was content.

“Nah, let’s leave them alone, maybe they’ll finally get together.”

Lisa snorted “If they do I’m not letting it go, do you remember their faces when they got us together?”

Ianto gave a full laugh at the memory “Yeah, priceless. I’ll never thank them enough though.” He kissed her hair as she snuggled a little closer “yeah.”

“We haven’t spent so much time together like this since your birthday this summer.”

Ianto nodded “Yeah, but it was kind of epic, that dog peeing on our tent? Unforgivable.” 

She sniggered “That was hilarious. At least we live together now, we see each other every morning and every night.” 

The tv was counting down and before the knew it they were toasting to the new year. 

“2007 huh?” Ianto asked Lisa.

She gave him an excited grin “With you? I bet it’s gonna be the best year of my life.” 

He hummed happy and suddenly Lisa climbed on his lap and started kissing him hard and deep. He giggled excitedly “New Year sex? Do that in a pub!”

She laughed “I love you.” 

When the ghosts arrived, Ianto knew that they meant no good. He had seen ghosts when he was at the orphanage, these did not look like them. 

However, he was not prepared for the day when the Daleks and Cybermen came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dates:
> 
> 1997: fourteen years old Ianto arrives in Cardiff  
> 2001: Elis Jones dies  
> 2002: Ianto moves to London  
> 2003: Ianto starts dating Lisa  
> 2004: Ianto starts working for Torchwood  
> 2007: The fall of Canary Wharf
> 
> Names: Ianto’s mother name “Aster” is the name of a flower which means star.  
> Ianto’s father “Fhynn” is an altered version of “fwynhau” which means “be delighted” in welsh, “be delighted” is one of the meaning of “Autumn” the season in which the Aster flower blooms.  
> Cerridwen Mountain: Cerridwen is the Celtic Goddess of nature.
> 
> Clarification: I know that some people don’t celebrate Christmas, but Ianto did, both on his planet and on earth.
> 
> Updates: Oh my God! This took ages! And it became way longer than I thought it would be. I just wanna say, I write this story to improve my English so I’m sorry if it’s gonna take a while for updates, but at the same time I have this story all figure out in my head already so I’m 100% gonna finish it.
> 
> Changes in the story: Lisa’s part was supposed to be way shorter than it is, but after listening to Heather by Conan Grey I thought of them in canon and it inspired me to write more! (Even if that doesn’t make any sense because the song is about jealousy).  
> Jack and Ianto weren’t supposed to meet just yet! I firstly thought to let them meet after the battle, but I wanted Jack to see the change that Fall will bring to Ianto.  
> The presence of a lot of OCs was needed because I needed people to change Ianto from the 51st century kid to the Ianto Jones we know and love.
> 
> Comments are always well accepted if you want to talk about anything really! <3


	3. When it’s cold I’d like to die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for this chapter: gore, explicit language, canonical character death, minor character death, suicide and depression themes.  
> (I know, you can tell that it’s gonna be a happy chapter)
> 
> the povs are a little messy, sorry about that.

No one talked during the drive to London. The silence was both devastating and defeating. Jack had his eyes locked on the road in front of him, hands gripping tight the wheel and jaw clenched in a grimace. Next to him Owen was checking quietly the inside of his medical kit, it was the fourth time he checked, not because he forgot an item, he just needed something to do with his hands. Behind him Suzie had her head leaning against the window, her computer forgotten by her side as if she wanted to detach herself from all the informations that it had. The only sound was coming from their earpieces, Tosh typing on her computer in Cardiff, she was the one that remained back there to guard the hub. But she wasn’t speaking a word. They all felt lost. When the cybermen attacked, they were locked in the hub, unable to lift the lockdown until there wasn’t a threat anymore. They had tried anything to get out and help the people out there, but nothing budged their security system. Now Toshiko was working on changing it, in case something similar happened in the future. They all felt dirty on the inside, no one in the team liked Torchwood One, but at the same time they all knew how many people worked there. People, with friends and family, most of them died in an atrocious way. They tried to imagine what they would find when they arrived there, but it was still a shock to actually see the site with their own eyes. There were loads of police cars all around Canary Wharf, firefighters were working on the skyscraper that was now a dangerously destroyed building, the military was going in and out of the edifice with paramedics beside them that were carrying dead body after dead body. Ambulance’s sirens could be heard from all over the city. Jack had the luck that one car was going away so he managed to actually park the SUV near the building, but still too many cars around it to get close to the entrance if not on foot. They surpassed the tape that the police put, entering the site by flashing their IDS. Once near the institute they were met at the entrance by an UNIT officer. 

“Who are you?”

Jack showed him his ID “Torchwood Three team, Cardiff. We are here to help and to retrieve what’s ours.” 

Despite the bad blood between them and UNIT, it seemed that no one was in the mood for a fight. The officer just nodded, opened the door for them and said “Be careful, the ceiling in certain rooms is unsafe and there are a lot of bodies around. The poor bastards are either burnt or unrecognizable.” 

In that moment a stretcher appeared at the door and they moved out of the way to let it pass. Jack had to swallow bile as he barely recognized the woman that was always at the reception with that infuriating smirk, now absent as the inferior part of her face was missing, you could see the cracked bones that used to be her jaw. Then he torn his gaze away as the paramedics put a black blanket over her body. 

He nodded at the officer and the three of them entered the building. The first floor was cleared of any forniture and was now filled with mountains of bodies that paramedics were bringing from the higher floors of the building. 

They suddenly heard screams coming from one of the stairwells, three people emerged from behind the wall: two paramedics that were holding with force a young man that was bleeding from his head, his suit was torn everywhere. 

“Someone get us a sedative!” One of the two shouted and from the other side of the room another paramedic sprinted to where they were to inject the trashing men that was now on the floor. 

“We have to give these few people the option of retcon. I don’t think you could survive something like this without going insane or having ptsd.” Jack heard Owen voice for the first time since they left Wales. 

Jack nodded and once again his gaze focused on the picture in front of him. Mountains of bodies in a modern room. He hadn’t seen that many since World War One. 

“Yeah I’ll talk to UNIT about it” he responded quietly.

He inhaled a deep breath and then he snapped his head from the horror scenery to his team. “Suzie, I want you to go down the archives and look if you can enter the secure archives, let Tosh help you hack in their system. Also, look around if you find something that UNIT would want or something that’s urgent that we take before the Torchwood Two guys come to pick up all the less important things. Be careful.” 

She nodded “What will you and Owen do?”

“Just helping the guys around here. We’ll look for any threat that there might still be on the floors that paramedics haven’t checked yet. Or if we find some other survivor...”

“I doubt that” whispered Owen to no one in particular.

“Alright, I’ll call you if I need anything.” She said and started to go in the direction of the stairs to the archives.

“See you in a couple of hours” he said to her back. 

He and Owen started walking towards the stairs on the opposite side of the room, Jack addressed one of the paramedics “Hey, until which floor did you guys clean up?” 

“We’re doing floor twenty four right now, are you here to help us with the bodies?”

“Actually we are checking if there is still any threat around.”

The paramedic hummed “Yes, be careful. The guys with the red caps found some bodies with metal armor around them. They took care of some of those, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there are still some around. Those should be behind plastic curtains they said.” 

“Thank you. Owen let’s go, let’s start from the top going down.” 

He could actually tell that Owen really wanted to help because he didn’t make any comments on the number of steps that they had to climb. 

The Torchwood tower had thirty-two floors. For the first three floor they checked, they didn’t find anything, just bunch of scrap metal and a lot of bodies. Owen would stop by some of them to check for their heartbeats, even if most of the time it was obvious by just looking at their smashed corpses that there was nothing he could do. The morale was already low so he didn’t want to point out to him that the majority of the ‘’dust’’ they were stepping on was most likely someone’s body killed by a Dalek. Jack still remembered his first death and his first resurrection after that. He woke up, gasping for air just to find mountains and mountains of dust that used to be the bodies of the volunteers to fight against the Daleks. This trip to London was really bringing up his best memories, he thought grimly.

They were checking floor twenty nine when they encountered plastic curtains.

“The paramedic guy said that it was behind these things that they set up their conversion units...” Owen whispered as if not to scare a wild animal. 

Jack nodded and pulled the curtain to enter the room, he took the first step and immediately stopped. 

Owen, being shorter that him, got on his tiptoes to peer over his shoulder “What? Why did you stop?”

Jack slowly moved out of the way to make him see what appalled him.

Owen looked where Jack eyes were locked and sucked in a breath.

In front of them, there was a conversion unit with a woman half-converted on top. Owen took a cautious step towards the machine, and when Jack tried to stop him with a hand on his chest, Owen easily smacked his hand away.

“Owen what are you doing?” he whispered perplexed. 

Owen singed with a hand over his carotid that he wanted to check for her heartbeat.

Jack jolted his head “ _Step back Owen!_ ” he hissed. 

But Owen ignored him and taking another step forward he carefully approached the metal body. The tension was palpable when, with a shaking hand he touched the exposed skin of the woman. But as soon as he made contact the silence in the quiet room was broken when the woman’s metal head snapped in Owen’s direction. The metallic sound echoed in the silent room. Owen immediately took a step back while Jack took one forward and they both raised their weapons towards the half converted cyberman. The woman was breathing loudly and with terrified eyes she was staring at the weapons pointed at her. 

“Fuck! It’s alive Jack what do we do?” Owen asked and he wasn’t whispering anymore, panic clear in his voice. 

“The medic said that UNIT are taking care of these things...I’m assuming with a bullet to their head.” But his tone wasn’t convinced and he didn’t show any intention of doing anything. 

He kept his eyes trained on the woman, she looked properly scared, and that wasn’t right, machines couldn’t feel emotions. But Jack knew deep down that even if she could still feel emotion, they would have to kill her.

Between one raspy breath and another the cyberwoman spoke for the first time with a pained inflection “ _...please..._ ”

Owen looked at Jack with a troubled face “Jack...what do we do?” He repeated. 

It was clear in Jack’s mind that Owen didn’t want to shoot a robot that still seemed very much like a human; especially with those big fearful eyes that she was giving them. But then the woman spoke again, this time more forcefully but still agonizingly “Please! Behind you! My boyfriend, please his injured...”

Owen quickly turned around and saw in front of him a body crushed under some debris, and when he looked up and saw that a part of the ceiling was missing, he thought that it must have dropped on the person. He hurried towards the figure, his head and legs were poking out while his chest and arms were trapped under heavy steel and concrete. He knelt down to search for a heartbeat.

“Is he dead?” Jack asked from behind him, where he was still turned, pointing his gun at the woman. 

Owen was about to confirm it when he felt a faint pulse under his fingers. 

“ _Fuck!_ ” He exclaimed.

“What?” asked Jack panicked.

“He’s alive! Jack leave that thing alone for a minute, come and help me!” he responded.

“Owen I don’t want to turn my back-“

“I don’t care! It’s not like it can move! _You won’t_ make me lose a life today!” he interrupted his response.

With one last glance at the cyberwoman he turned and kneeled next to Owen. 

“What do you want me to do?”

“Help me push this thing off of him.” 

With a great deal of strength they pushed the slab of concrete from his chest and arms. One arm seemed to be sticking out in an odd angle.

“Fuck his arm is broken” he told Owen, but the doctor wasn’t listening to him. Relived that the guy’s chest was miraculously moving up and down, Owen was fishing for bottle of water from his kit. Opening the bottle he poured the water on the face of the unconscious man. His face was covered in dust and pebbles that were obscuring his airways and eyes. When the water washed the worst of it, the man began to come around. 

“There is so much blood on the floor near his head and his hair, but he doesn’t have any head wound, this doesn’t make sense.” Owen muttered still checking carefully the guy’s head. But now Jack was too busy staring perplexed at the guy to think of any plausible theories for all that blood. He knew that face, but he couldn’t place it, when did he meet this man? 

A pained sound came from the injured, 

“Hey, hey, mate, c’mon open your eyes. It’s okay” Owen was tapping lightly the guy’s face. 

His eyes moved a little under his eyelids before finally opening. He groaned in pain “I know mate, wait a second” Owen rummaged through his kit again before sticking a needle into the guy’s arm. It wasn’t for knocking the guy out, only lull the pain a little. When his patient eyes settled on Jack, the latter made a surprised noise. Jack would recognize those eyes anywhere.

“Jones? You’re Ianto Jones right?” he attempted. 

Owen turned confused towards Jack and even the guy was wearing the same face as the doctor.

With rasped voice he asked “‘ray?” 

Owen opened another bottle of water and helped the man that was now settled against a wall, drink. 

Jack shook his head “No I’m no Ray” he tried to smile “Captain Jack Harkness remember?”

The guy blinked hard. 

Then his eyes widened as if he only now just woke up from his dazed state. He snapped his eyes towards Owen and with a bruised hand he gripped his t-shirt. 

“I can’t...breathe” he brayed between breaths. 

Jack turned to Owen in alarm, while Owen checked the guy’s heartbeat again. 

“He’s heart is racing and he’s sweating...” he muttered to Jack. 

Owen gripped the guy’s face with both of his hands and said “Hey look at me. Forget about everything for a second. Focus on breathing in and out” then he proceeded to dimostrate the rhythm he wanted the guy to breath. 

Still shaking a little the guy mimicked Owen’s breathing until the trembles were almost unperceivable. 

Owen nodded “That’s it mate. That’s it.” 

For a second the man’s eyes wandered around the room but before he could turn his head Owen snapped his finger to get Ianto’s attention.

“Oi! None of that. Concentrate on me I said. Do you know your name?” 

The guy swallowed “J-jones...Ianto Jones, sir.”

Jack re-entered in his sight and carefully placed a hand on his shoulder “No need to call him sir, I actually think you outrank him.” Then he turned to Owen “He’s one of the good guys.”

Owen thought that that was a horrible thing to say, when surrounded by dead bodies. Did these people deserved to die simply because they saw it differently from the mighty Jack Harkness? Fortunately Jones didn’t hear him or acknowledged Jack comment, he still looked disoriented.

“Do you know where you are?”

“Torchwood.” he replied and when he made another move to turn his head Owen asked “Look at me. Can you see me well?”

Jones nodded but grimaced at the movement. 

With one final glance at Jack, Owen finally asked “Do you remember what happened?”

Jones let out a breath and then said “I was...” his eyes narrowed in thought “I was in the archives with my team, when I heard the rumors that the Doctor was in the tower, I wanted to meet him...” 

Owen felt Jack still and then all but scream “So it was true? The Doctor was really here?!?”

Jones flinched at the volume of Jack’s voice, then turned his eyes to Jack “Captain?” as if he just now realized that Jack was there.

“Not now Jack, I’m sure one of the UNIT guys will gladly tell you all the details. Okay mate what do you remember next?” He asked not unkindly.

“I was going upstairs...then the ghost shift happened and then...” Jones froze. 

He looked at Owen in the eyes with a disrupt expression but before Owen could snap the guy out of it again, Jones turned on his left side and emptied his stomach on the floor. 

Patting the guy on the back Owen whispered “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re safe now. Calm down.”

Jack passed another bottle to Owen with which he helped Ianto use it to wash his mouth from the acid taste.

After a coughing fit, Ianto rested again against the wall and panted “My arm...my chest...my legs... _everything hurts_.”

Owen nodded “I know mate, we’ll call the paramedics to bring a stretcher up here.” 

Then another suffering voice appeared “ _Ianto? You...okay_?” 

Ianto’s head snapped to the person that spoke. Too late Owen and Jack remembered that the only reason they found Ianto, was thanks to the converted woman, that happened to be his girlfriend. 

With a rush of adrenaline Ianto got up to his feet and flew to Lisa’s side so fast that Jack and Owen didn’t even have the time to push him down against the wall.

“Hey sit back down you’re injured!” yelled Owen, while Jack shouted “Step away from that thing!” 

But these two other people were already dead in Ianto’s mind as he stared down at the broken figure of his lover. With a shaky hand he carefully reached Lisa’s face to caress her cheek. The moment his finger touched her skin she stared crying. 

“L-Lisa what have they done to you?” He whispered, his voice full of regret. 

“Ianto...” she sobbed “are you okay?”

Still caressing her cheek he gave her an incredulous laugh “ _Am I okay_? What are you even talking about?...Are you in pain?” Since he didn’t even had to ask if she was okay.

“Yeah...it burns” she found no reason to lie.

Ianto turned to Owen remembering the presence of the doctor.

“Can you give her something?” His eyes pleading.

Owen and Jack that were watching the scene from a few step behind exchanged a look. 

Then Owen turned to Ianto and said “Yes, wait a sec”

When Owen went to retrieve his medical kit Jack followed him and while Ianto had his full attention on the girl, he whispered to the doctor “We have to kill it.”

Owen gave him a stoic stare “Are you sure we can’t save her?” 

“Owen, you just saw the aftermath of what cybermen can do. I’m pretty sure that girl is a goner. We. Can’t. Risk. It.” 

Owen swallowed and turned his head not meeting Jack’s eyes “I hate this” he murmured.

Jack shot a glance over his shoulder at Ianto “Yeah, me too.”

Owen returned to the conversation unit and injected the girl with the same stuff he gave Ianto.

Then Jack swallowed and finally said “What was her name?”

Ianto turned confused to him “Her name _is_ Lisa.”

Jack approached Ianto and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Ianto...I don’t think it’s Lisa anymore.”

Ianto took a step back, Jack’s hand slipped away “I don’t...I don’t understand what you’re saying. It’s clearly her.” 

Jack didn’t move away but he didn’t try to put the comforting hand back on his shoulder. 

“Ianto, you know what a cyberman can do. Once a person is converted, it isn’t that person anymore.” 

“But she isn’t fully converted!” he yelled finally catching on what Jack was implying. 

“Ianto...” 

Ianto shook his head before turning to Lisa.

“Don’t listen to them. Everything is going to be okay. _You are gonna be okay_.” 

“Ianto, I don’t know...I don’t feel so good, I feel weird” Lisa whispered.

Ianto slammed his uninjured hand on the the edge of the conversion unit, the sound boomed in the room. He shook his head.

“YOU ARE NOT DYING TODAY! You hear me? You’re going to be okay. We’ll get you to a hospital and you’re going to get surgery and all this metal off of you.” 

“I don’t think that’s possi-“ started Owen but Ianto sent him a look that could freeze hell over.

“Ianto I-I don’t wanna die b-but I don’t want to turn in one of those things...or cause harm to anyone...to you.” Lisa told his boyfriend with a trembling voice.

Behind her Jack narrowed his eyes while Owen passed a frustrated hand through his hair.

Ianto looked again at Lisa “You’re not gonna harm anyone. We’re going to find a specialist that is capable of helping you. You’re gonna be fine, Lisa.” 

She either still looked unsure or she was obviously in shock so Ianto added “ _I promise_.” 

Any doubt was immediately erased from her expression, and the tiniest of smile appeared on her face. “And you always keep your promises” she murmured. 

“That’s right.” Ianto gave her a shaky nod and what he wanted to appear as a comforting smile. 

When Owen sent one last imploring look at Jack that clearly said ‘do this quickly Harkness because this is torture’ Jack sighed and nodded. 

He cleared his throat and broadened his shoulders trying to appear more authoritative than he was feeling. 

“Jones I can’t let you do that.” 

Ianto stilled, then he hung his head between his shoulder and took a deep breath. After a couple of seconds he snapped his head towards Jack so fast that the captain took half step back.

“ _What_? You can’t let me save my girlfriend?” his voice was low but there was a spike of anger in it.

“I can’t risk a cyberman getting away.” he replied just as impassive as his first statement. 

“You can’t risk a cyberman getting away...” Ianto muttered under his breath. He huffed a humorless laugh “ _Captain Jack Harkness_ ” his voice was mocking.

Jack just stared at him.

“You...you thought that us in London were and I quote ‘xenophobic douchebags’. You must be enjoying this aren’t you? All of Torchwood One employees turned to dust and metal.” He clarified.

“Do you really think that? This is not what this is about! I’m trying to avoid another massacre!” All pretense of the stoic Captain already crumbling down.

Ianto shook his head “No! You want to kill her! She’s not a cyberman! She’s Lisa Hallet! A daughter, a friend, a girlfriend...she’s a fucking person and a _fucking human being_!” he yelled.

“Once the conversion is started there is no going back! Your Lisa is either already dead or she’s gonna be! That’s probably the machine talking! Manipulating you!”

Ianto paled at Jack’s comment “You...you always thought you were better than us...than UNIT. Well guess what Captain, you’re just the same as them! If only, you’re worse!”

Jack scoffed “You’re kidding me? If UNIT was here they’d have already put a bullet through her head!”

Ianto winced but at the same time held his ground “Then what are you waiting for?”

“There is the smallest chance that a part of Lisa is still in there. I’m giving you a chance to say goodbye.” 

“Ah, I get it now...saying goodbye.” He gave a watery laugh “You think it’s that simple? God, you’re even worse that I imagined. You just don’t get it do you? How can I say goodbye to the person that I love if she’s still breathing beside me? If, as you say, there is still a part of her alive? _Haven’t you ever loved anyone_?”

This time it was Jack’s turn to flinch. 

“I really am sorry Ianto.” He tried to sound as sincere as possible.

Ianto laughed again, this time more desperate, “Do you know where you can shove your apologies, Captain?” he put his body between Jack and the conversion unit. 

“If you want to kill her you’ll have to kill me too.” 

“ _Ianto_!” Lisa cried behind him, and his face crumpled at desperation in her voice but he gripped with his good hand the conversion unit that was behind him, still facing Jack, showing that he had no intention of moving.

“Ianto we are in two against one and you’re injured, you _don’t_ wanna do this.” Even if Owen didn’t look pleased at the idea of forcing an injured man to the ground while the other killed the person he loved.

Ianto almost reached for his gun before remembering that he had emptied it against a cyberman at the beginning of the battle, before getting captured. So he just gripped the edge of the conversion harder “What? You have a problem killing me? You’re not having any problems with killing Lisa!”

“God damnit Ianto! Don’t you understand? I already told I don’t get any satisfaction in doing this!” Jack yelled.

Ianto suddenly turned to Owen “You okay with this? You’re a doctor! You’re supposed to save people!” 

Owen flinched. “I’m sorry, Jack is the expert with aliens...if he says there isn’t any other way...” he left the sentence hanging.

“Please understand. I’m making a hard choice. Please, you’re hurt, say goodbye to Lisa before it’s too late.” Jack tried.

“No it’s you that doesn’t understand! I’d rather die than let you kill her! _I’VE GOT NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE!_ ” He shouted.

“ _There is always something left to lose!_ ” he screamed back.

As if these words triggered some memories in Ianto’s mind, the archivist let go of the conversion unit, crushed to the ground and to Jack’s horror he started sobbing. 

“ _Please..._ ” he begged. 

Tears streaming down his face Ianto looked downright inconsolable. 

“Please don’t take her away from me” he choked.

Jack found himself at lost of words. It happened a handful of times in his long life that he had to make the hard choices he didn’t want to make. That he had no choice but to make. It’s for the ‘greater’ good, he told himself. And that really was the truth. Most of the time it was for the greater good. That didn’t mean he liked it or that it made him feel less guilty. In that moment, seeing someone so young on his knees begging him not to kill the woman that he loved, Jack was sure that this was one of those moments he wouldn’t forget and that would haunt his dreams at night for a very long time. 

He turned to look at Owen but the medic had his head raised to the ceiling and he noticed that his eyes were glistening. Jack thought that he was probably thinking about his fiancé. 

Jack knew what he had to do but he found himself frozen, mesmerized by the agony of the man on the floor, the only sounds that could be heard were the desperate cries that were coming out of his mouth. 

“Ianto come here. Please stop crying.” 

Ianto’s head snapped up at Lisa’s voice, and he slowly raised to his feet to go beside her.

“Ianto...” she whispered.

“Please don’t say it.” Even if he didn’t know what she wanted to tell him, by the look in her eyes it couldn’t be good.

“Ianto...I really didn’t know this morning when I woke up in your arms that this would be the last day of my life” her voice was calm.

Ianto cried harder “Please don’t give up, you’re only twenty four Lisa. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

“And I would have spent it all with you” she said without a hint of regret.

“Please, don’t leave me” he sobbed.

Ianto tried to clear his vision that was becoming too blurry to see the face of his beloved.

“God this isn’t fair” he said to no one in particular. 

“Despite all, I’m glad I’m with you. In the end. I wouldn’t want it any other way” she sniffled a little.

At her words something heartbreaking came to Ianto’s mind.

“Lisa, can I tell you a secret?”

Lisa looked a little put out by his change of topic “what?” She asked with a smile she didn’t felt.

“It was going to be a surprise but...I bought a ring” he whispered. 

“W-What?” she questioned stunned.

“I was planning on proposing, in front of the Thames.”

“Our first date four years ago” she whispered in amazement.

“Yeah, our first date” he agreed giving her a shaky nod. “And then we would have had the biggest and most beautiful wedding.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. A-And Matt would have been m-my best man and D-Delilah your bridesmaid...”

“Or the reverse” she quipped.

At that Ianto laughed for real, a big fat laugh, there was no sadness in, and if it wasn’t for the tears that were still running down his face you wouldn’t know what he was really feeling. He let the laugh fill the silence for another couple of seconds before sobering up again. 

“Our families in one room” she said.

“A nightmare. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

“Would you smoke for the pre-wedding stress?” She followed his train of thoughts.

He huffed “I haven’t smoked in years.”

“I know, I was the one that asked you to stop.”

“The things we do for love.”

“Arthur in a tuxedo.” She continued the wedding talk.

“I’d pay millions to see it.”

“Would we have kids?” 

Ianto nodded resolutely “Of course, after our honeymoon in Italy. First little Oscar and then my little princess Poppy.”

A single tear escaped Lisa’s eye “I thought you hated those names” she choked.

“I don’t care about the names Lis, I care about a lifetime with you” he weeped, all of the pretense of happiness gone.

She glanced at Jack and Owen who both had tears in their eyes. Then she turned towards Ianto again “Give me a kiss future boy” she whispered.

Ianto cupped her head with one hand while his broken arm rested against his chest. He bent down and kissed her deeply. One single kiss. A goodbye kiss. It lasted for a long time, but it was never awkward or uncomfortable. He rested his forehead against hers and she whispered “Stay strong for me Ianto.”

He inclined his head to one side and his eyebrows knitted together desperately as if he was about to go on another pleading speech about saving her life. 

“You just wait for me alright? I’ll be with you soon my love.”

She gave him a confused look but the pain and the exhaustion was too big so instead of asking what he meant she turned to the doctor. 

“Please.” 

Owen gave her a solemn nod and prepared the injection that would put her to sleep. Before injecting her though, Jack took a step forward and said “You’re one of the bravest woman I’ve have ever met Lisa Hallet.” 

She gave the Captain a pained smile but then addressed Ianto “Will you hold...my hand...I can’t lift it, my wrist it’s trapped under the metal.”

Ianto immediately wrapped his hand around hers and kissed her knuckles. “Don’t be scared Lisa. We’ll be together again, and we will have our life together. _I promise_.”

Owen injected her and her eyes started closing.

“I love you so much Ianto Jones.”

“I love you too Lisa.”

The moment she lost consciousness, Ianto let out a startled sob as if he was holding it in just for Lisa’s sake. 

“You don’t have to be here for this” Jack told him quietly.

“I owe it to her. Just do it” he responded roughly.

“Are you sure mate?” Asked Owen, there was no need for adding other trauma on trauma.

“Do it already! What? Having second thoughts now? _Coward_.” He said to Jack.

Jack didn’t respond, he gave Ianto a couple of seconds to change his mind but when he just stood there looking at Lisa’s unconscious form, he pulled out his wembley and with one quick shot at her head, Lisa Hallet was dead.

Ianto still hadn’t moved or reacted at the sound of the gunshot, he was just staring at the hole in the head of his girlfriend. 

Owen took a step and carefully put a hand on his shoulder “C’mon mate, sit down. I’ll call the paramedics to bring that stretcher up here.”

Ianto ignored him.

With trembling hands he opened the first bottom of his shirt and pulled out from the inside a little chain with four dog tags attached to it. It looked rather old. Jack couldn't phantom what was he doing. Ianto looked at one of them before ripping it out with force. The metal that was keeping it attacked so old and fragile that it broke without breaking the chain. Then he put the chain and the three tags that remained attached to it back in his shirt. He lay the one that he ripped out on Lisa’s heart. He gave her one last kiss on her hand before turning to Jack.

“ _You are a monster Jack Harkness_.”

His tone was emotionless as was his face. 

Jack’s heart clenched, of course he was, there was no need for someone else to tell him. Then he turned to Owen “Don’t bother the paramedics, it’s my arm that it’s broken not my legs. I can use the stairs.”

Owen looked unsure but he nodded and said “Alright but you come with me, I still need to check you out. Then hospital with one of the ambulances.”

“I don’t need-“

“This is not negotiable Jones.”

Ianto didn’t respond to that, he went to the stairwell and started going down.

Too curious to resist a peek, Jack shot a glance at the dog tag on Lisa’s heart.

** Ianto Shran ** .

He was confused, but out of respect he didn’t touch the tag to examine it better, he just passed a hand on his face, wiping off the few tears that now escaped his eyes. With one last respectful nod to the dead body he followed his colleague. 

Outside again the trio was met by a mocking bright sun and blue sky. Once arrived at the SUV, Jack noticed Suzie seated in one of the passenger seats typing at her computer. 

She looked up as she saw them approaching.

“Hey Jack everything went well? Who’s the guy?”

She could tell that even if before the mood was already low, now the faces of her colleagues were gloomy.

Owen opened the SUV’s trunk and motioned Ianto to sit there while he checked his injuries.

“Things went as imagined. That’s Ianto Jones, a survivor.”

She could tell that he wasn’t saying everything but she would ask later. “Ianto Jones? I’ll add him to the list of survivors.”

Jack nodded “Yeah do that...” he peered at Ianto to see if he was listening, then he whispered to Suzie “Add Lisa Hallet to the list of the dead.”

“Alright.”

“How things went in the archives?”

“I’ve gathered the most important things I found in three boxes, I’ve put them in the trunk. However...” she replied frustrated.

“However?”

It was Tosh that responded from the comm “It went terrible in trying to enter the secure archive. I don’t know who was security for that place but they were good. It will take me days to crack the system, if only I had the code...”

“Don’t stressed yourself too much about that archive code Tosh. I know you’ll find a way” assured Jack.

Then Jack looked over at Owen.

The medic had immobilized Ianto’s broken arm with a sling.

“They’ll put a cast at the hospital. Now tell me, did you hit your head when the ceiling fell on you?”

When Ianto didn’t respond he clarified “I mean I know that you hit your head, but there is so much blood in your hair...strangely no wounds...” 

Ianto just had his head turned down.

Owen sighed “Okay. Doesn’t matter I guess. You fortunately have no broken ribs, just bruised. Still you’ll have to got to the hospital, I have already stitched up the deeper cuts but they’ll give you better painkillers...and meds for...you know...coping with this situation better.”

The silence from his patient was once again defeating, maybe that’s why they heard better the young woman that was screaming at a policeman a few meters away from them.

“No you don’t understand! My friends work here! I have to help please! If they’re hurt...I need to find them!” she was screaming.

“Ma’am I’ve told you, civilians can’t access to the site, you’ll have to wait I’m sorry...” the police officer sounded fed up.

“I can’t wait!”

Ianto looked up at the voice he recognized “Delilah?” he whispered.

Owen frowned at him.

From behind the police line tape Delilah locked eyes with him.

“Ianto!” She shouted, and with one fluid move she escaped from the policeman reach, surpassed the police line and ran to where her friend was.

The policeman started to chase her but when Jack made a sign of staying back, he went back to his position.

As soon as Delilah reached Ianto, she pulled his head against her chest and hugged him. It felt weird since usually when they hugged he was the tall one.

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. _You’re okay_. _God_. I can’t believe you’re okay” she said relieved. 

“Oi sweetheart, don’t squeeze him, he’s injured” Owen told her.

She reluctantly let him out of her hug, but she still cupped his face and forced him to make eye contact. When she saw his unemotional eyes she froze. “Yan, what is it? What happened?” She asked as she was caressing lightly a bruise that was forming on his face with her thumb.

He couldn’t find the energy to respond her. He felt tired, drained and empty. He had a raging headache for all the crying. What was he supposed to do without Lisa? Was Lisa really dead? He couldn’t believe it. It felt fake. Someone was pulling a joke on him. But no, that wasn’t right, the image of Lisa with a bullet through her head was so fresh in his mind that it had to be real.

“Yan? Did something happen to Lisa?” She asked again when her friend didn’t respond. She knew Ianto, so much that she understood that even if he was injured physically there had to be another reason behind his shock for him to be as unresponsive as he was now. She saw the man in the military coat and who she assumed was a doctor flinch. 

“Is Lisa Hallet...?” She whispered to the man in the coat. 

The man nodded sadly.

She immediately felt tears behind her eyes. She pulled Ianto’s head against her chest again, this time gently, minding what the doctor had said. Both times Ianto didn’t hug her back, he seemed frozen. She kissed the top of his head, and moved her hand up and down his back in comfort. “I’m so sorry Ianto” she said in his hair. She could smell the blood in his hair. She swallowed. She would have time to mourn her friend later, not now when Ianto needed her.

A minute passed when she asked again with a small voice “Ianto...Matt?”

Ianto’s mind started reeling. What a disgustinghuman being he was, he didn’t even thought of Matt. Guilt raised in his gut when he thought that one of his closest friend could be dead and he didn’t even spare a thought to him before Delilah mentioned him.

“Don’t know” he responded.

If Ianto looked broken, his voice sounded dead.

Delilah raised her head from where it was resting on Ianto’s head. With tears in her eyes she asked the military man “If I’m not much of a bother...could you please check if Matt Green made it?”

The man gave her a sympathetic smile “Suzie, you’ve heard her.”

“On it.” Said the woman that was in the car.

After a moment she shook her head and said “I’m sorry, the paramedics found his body.” 

This time she couldn’t stop the tears from falling “Oh god” she sobbed. She returned to her previous position.

_ “what was that?” _

_ “That was just a New Years kiss Deli” _

_ “Oh...” _

_ “why?" _

_ “I thought...but I obviously got it wrong.” _

_ He stopped. _

_ “Wait, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” _

_ “Yeah.” _

She was pulled from her thoughts when he felt hands hugging her waist.

Now in Ianto’s mind all the faces of his colleagues were rushing through his mind. 

With little voice he asked “Gareth Watts?”

He heard Delilah repeating the name to the woman in the car.

“Deceased.”

“Adeola Jones?” he asked more forcefully this time.

“...Deceased...I’m sorry.” Suzie added.

“What about-“

“Ianto stop. Not right now. What good would that do?” He heard Delilah say.

He closed his mouth shut. His stomach hurt, the need to ask more names but the knowledge that if even one more person that he knew was dead, right now, it would kill him.

“C’mon Deli let’s get out of here.” Ianto whispered.

She extracted herself from his soft hug.

He stood up.

“Woah where do you think you’re going?” asked Owen.

“Why? Can’t we go?” asked Delilah.

“This man right here has to go to the hospital, I’ll call one of the paramedics and-“

“My friend here can take me” Ianto interrupted him.

Owen flashed her a look “Straight to the hospital?”

She felt Ianto tightening his grip on her waist and she said “Yes of course, I’ll take him.”

Owen narrowed his eyes “Are you in the right mind to drive?”

She quickly wiped away her tears and nodded reassuringly “Yeah” she pulled Ianto’s shirt “Let’s get out of here Ianto.”

Jack watched as Ianto started to walk away, and then stopped. He raised one finger to Delilah before turning towards the Torchwood team again and stopped right in front of him.

“17381649514” Ianto said slowly, staring at him in the eyes. 

“W-what?” He asked startled.

“17381649514, the code for the secure archive.”

Jack thought back at the Ianto Jones he first met. Ianto was happy, sarcastic, funny, smart and caring. He also had the most beautiful eyes Jack ever saw. Was it possible for a humans in this century to change the color of their eyes? Jack wondered in that moment. Because Ianto Jonen’s eyes looked lifeless. No spark, no blue, just gray. Torchwood broke another person, Jack thought grimly.

“Why are you telling me this?” He asked confused.

Didn’t Ianto just told him that he hated him? Why was he helping Torchwood?

Ianto emotionless face remained the same as he said “I did my duty, for the Queen and Country, Sir.”

Then he _smirked_ , and it looked all kinds of wrong. The ghost of Yvonne Hartman lingering on his face.

When he turned around and caught up with Delilah, Jack felt chills running down his spine.

However, when he read the list of the dead and found the name Rose Tyler, he forgot all about Ianto Jones.

*

The first thing that Ianto thought when he regained consciousness in the Torchwood tower, was that he was miraculously alive. The second thing he thought about, was that the Doctor had saved him. Then he had mistaken Jack Harkness for Gray Thane, which was weird, since they looked nothing alike, but there was something about the eyes of these two that just matched. When he saw Lisa half-converted, he could only think about the fact that the Doctor was always too late to save the people that he loved.

Now Ianto sat on the couch, in his and Lisa’s apartment, the tea that Delilah made him going cold on the coffee table. He was staring at the television but he wasn’t watching anything. His head was pounding, his own thoughts too loud. 

“You didn’t have to snap that hard at the doctors” he heard Delilah say from behind him. She was probably cleaning the kitchen, taking Lisa’s things out of his sight at least.

“They wanted to make me forget...” he murmured back “...as if I could just forget the last three years of my life...or my last moments with her. Fucking UNIT doctors.”

Delilah arrived in the living room and sat down next to him, she patted his hair and then rested a hand on his shoulder “I know Yan, but they just wanted to help.”

He took the painkillers bottle out of his trousers pockets and held it up “This is all the help I need.”

She shook his head disapprovingly.

“Why don’t you try to sleep a little?” She prompted kindly.

Ianto had changed in more comfortable clothes with the intent of going to sleep when the sun setted, but it was half past five and he was feeling run down to say the least.

“Yeah I should, shouldn’t I?” He said absently. 

“Can I ask you a favor?” he continued with the same intonation.

“Anything Ianto, what is it?”

“Could you take care of Arthur for a while?”

Arthur was unnerving him. He had always been such a hyperactive cat, scratching every surface he lay his paws on, stealing his socks and food. But ever since he came back from the hospital, Arthur was just sitting at his feet, staring at him patiently, as if he thought that he was keeping Lisa hidden somewhere and would then decide to show him where she was.

“Yeah of course, I’ll take care of both of you.”

Ianto shook his head “No” he said flatly “Bring him to your house. I want to be alone.”

“I’m not gonna leave you alone. Not now.” She insisted.

“I’m just going to sleep.” He said tired.

“Good. And I’ll be in the other room if you’ll need me.”

“I said I wanna be alone Delilah!”

“Why? You’re not in the condition of being on your own!” she repeated.

“I was not asking!” He tried to shout but it just came out as a whimper.

“Ianto don’t push me away...please” she murmured.

“You can come back tomorrow morning. I need space. It feels like I’m choking and _I need_ -“ his voice cracked “please.”

She watched as his eyes started watering again and she sighed “Alright...I’m going home with Arthur, call if you need anything...you sure you don’t want to eat something?”

Every time Ianto thought about food, the smashed bodies of his colleagues came to his mind, it was like his brain decided that his body never needed to eat again. He swallowed and shook his head.

Delilah sighed again “Alright...”

She picked up the bottle of painkillers that he had put on the table and said “The next time you have to take them is tomorrow morning, they’re strong enough to help with the pain while you sleep all night, the doctor said. I’ll put them in the kitchen drawer.”

When she returned she kissed the top of his head and as she was going out she repeated “Go to sleep, and really, call me if you need anything or just want to talk. I’m coming back tomorrow.”

As he heard the door of the apartment closing, tears rolled down his face unchecked. It took a lot of time to actually find the strength, both physical and psychological, to move from the sofa to the bed. He tried not to think about the empty space on the other side of the bed. He never felt more tired in his entire life, he swallowed his sleeping pills and went to sleep.

He was so sure that he wouldn’t have nightmares. The thought of having nightmares didn’t even cross his mind. The sleeping pills helped so much that he didn’t even have a dream since he was fifteen. But the human mind needs sleep and dreams to process the things that happened during the time it’s awake. And Ianto’s mind had a lot to process.

He found himself trapped in a nightmare where the horrors of Canary Wharf were mixed with the ones from the Thrid War. It seemed like all the nightmares he didn’t have growing upwere coming back to him all at once. Unable to escape with the sleeping tablets keeping him asleep, he kept turning in his bed and shouting disconnected things that were coming from his subconscious. After what it seemed like eternity, he jolted awake with one last shout, that got almost completely cutoff since his throat was burning and with all that screaming he had lost his voice. His bed was soaked in sweat and the gruesome images were still flashing behind his eyelids when turned to the side of the bed and threw up bile, since he hadn’t eat anything, all over his floor. He let out a pathetic whimper of pain when he finished vomiting, his throat searing from all the effort. He stumbled out of the bed and bumped in doors and furniture, the absence of light not helping his orientation, when he finally reached the kitchen. 

He opened the cupboard when he knew he would find alcohol and opened a bottle of straight vodka that he used when he got inventive with cooking. 

He started drinking, not because he wanted to forget about Lisa, he just wanted peace. He wanted for the day before to never have happened. Had it only been just yesterday? He wanted to wake up from the nightmare that was now being awake. He noticed that he was shaking, so he gulped down more alcohol, now embracing the burning feeling of the drink down his throat, because he knew that with it, it would come the warm tingle in his stomach and the fuzziness in his brain. 

How had it got this bad? The feeling of losing his will to live when the week before he was the happiest man alive while buying that damn ring? He was alone now, a small part of his brain was suggesting to call Delilah immediately, but with another swing of the bottle, he shut up that section of his brain. Lisa, his beautiful Lisa, reduced to a lifeless body of flesh, bones and metal. He couldn’t even see her again or give her a proper burial. He dropped to the ground and hugged his knees with one arm, sobbing and shaking thinking about Matt, Gareth, Adeola, Lisa...those monsters had killed them all, then why was he the one that was suffering? Why did he have to survive? He didn’t want to be alive, not in world without Lisa.

Then he remembered the promise he had made to her. That she should wait for him because he would be with her soon. With groggy determination he got to his feet, his legs shaking, he put the vodka on the floor because he couldn’t pick up other things with the arm that was in a cast. He opened the drawer and pulled out the bottle of painkillers that the doctors gave him. He sank to his knees again and with an awkward movement of his hand he opened the bottle and managed to turn it upside down, pouring all the pills in his palm, just a couple of them falling on the kitchen floor. 

He neared his hand to his mouth.

“ _Don’t do it._ ”

He closed his eyes. He knew that voice.

“Ianto. Don’t do it” repeated the child’s voce.

That voice didn’t bring any comfort, it just brought more guilt. 

“You’re not real” he whispered to that voice.

“Open your eyes Ianto.”

Ianto shook his head, too afraid of what he might see.

“Hey, c’mon. I thought you wanted to see me again?” his voice was soft, speaking in a language that Ianto hadn’t spoken for nearly a decade.

Ianto both nodded and shook his head. His eyes still closed.

“I’d give anything to see you again, little brother. But not like this. You’re not real” he said with wavering voice.

“Open your eyes. I have to talk to you.”

Trembling slightly, Ianto opened his eyes. His vision was blurred, alcohol floating around his mind. The pills still in his hand.

Then his vision cleared. In front of him, sitting on the floor with his legs crossed, was Gray Thane. He looked...good. Great, actually. Not a single bruise, scratch or injury on his body. He looked like the first time Ianto had seen him. It was weird seeing Gray’s face. After all these years he had forgotten the details. It was like remembering the details of the faces of friends from elementary school. He never forgot about Gray, but there were a lot of things that had escaped his memory, especially since he tried to forget about his period of imprisonment. He forgot about the color of his skin, golden like a sun starting to set. He forgot about his little mouth that would turn into a pout if Ianto wasn’t in the mood of playing one of his distracting games. He forgot about the small amount of freckles under his eyes or the way his nose was slightly turned up. But he never forgot about his eyes though, they were the color of the Boshane’s ocean, he remembered thinking that. But now it seemed that his mind remembered him completely or always had, deep down.

Gray was staring at him, then he smiled. Gray always smiled.

“Don’t do it. This isn’t the solution.” Gray told him.

Ianto shook his head “Why? I’ve got nothing left to lose.” He repeated what he said the day before.

“What about Delilah? What about your mum? Rhiannon? David? Little Mica won’t even remember his uncle if you do this.”

Ianto hesitated, his hand clenching into a fist making another pill fall on the floor. 

He bursted into tears again “I can’t go on without her. I’m not strong enough. It’s my fault she died. I could have saved her. Tried harder. Fought against Torchwood Three. I promised I wouldn’t let her die, and then I did exactly that. How could I live with that? She was so scared, but all she did was comforting me. The _me_ that was _okay_. The _me_ that wasn’t _dying_. Every time I think about it, it gets harder to breath, and it’s so, so painful. I just want everything to _stop.”_

“If you die now. You let them win.” Gray told him.

Ianto shook his head “Let who win? They’re all dead.”

“The kraals. The skartensen. You survived six months of torture and you didn’t give up. How can you say that you’re not strong enough to survive now? You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

“I’m tired of surviving!” he shouted “Don’t you get it? It’s easier this way! It would all go away! I’m a coward, I want the easy way out. I don’t want to survive anymore, it’s hard.” 

“What about me?!?” Gray said forcefully.

“W-what?” he asked startled.

“If you die, no one would remember me! Or Amybeth! Or Amir! Or all the ones that died during the war! All our sacrifices would be for nothing! You promised you’d remember us! What about _that_ promise Ianto? Don’t you care about that anymore?”

“SHUT UP!” Ianto kicked the bottle of vodka with his foot, the bottle crashing to the ground spilling all the remaining alcohol on the floor. 

“DON’T I GET TO REST TOO? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE WITH THIS BURDEN? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO ALWAYS SURVIVE?” Each question his voice raised higher. 

Gray started to opened his mouth, but Ianto got to his feet, so fast that his vision started spinning and he had to lean on the kitchen counter with his elbow to maintain his balance.

Another two pills spilling from his fist.

“No! You shut up! You’re not Gray! You’re just my conscience trying to talk me out of this! But I don’t want to!”

“Ianto stop. You’re drunk and traumatized, you don’t really want to do this...” Gray said with careful voice. 

“Do you know how I know you’re not Gray? BECAUSE GRAY IS DEAD! HE DIED THINKING HE WOULD SURVIVE AND BE FREE AGAIN! HE DIED WAITING FOR HIS BROTHER TO SAVE HIM! BUT HE NEVER CAME! HE DIED ALONE! BLEEDING, SCREAMING AND IN PAIN! LIKE THEY ALL DIED!” 

His voce and throat were protesting the shouts. But he didn’t care, if this were his last words and he was going down, then he would be going down cursing the heavens for all he cared. 

“I didn’t deserve what I got, _alright_? To be ripped from my home world, to see all those kids dying while I survived! To be thrown into an unknown world full of evil when I didn’t even recovered from being imprisoned! To be the son that disappointed his father and the brother that ran away from his family! Why can’t I get what I deserve for once? I deserve to die! Because Lisa is gone and so is all the meaning that my life had! I let her down yesterday, but I won’t let her down again! I promised!”

“ELAA DON’T!” He heard Gray scream.

But it was too late, with one fluent movement he put the pills in his mouth and swallowed them all. He saw Gray disappearing right in front of his eyes. A small smile played on Ianto’s face, he knew he wasn’t real.

Maybe he’d see the real him where he was going now.

Falling to the floor, his body heavy, he didn’t hear the door of his apartment open. 

*

The days that followed that event passed so fast, but at the same time Ianto felt like he had been in that hospital forever. People were talking to him, but he didn’t even try to listen. He felt like he was in a bubble, a bubble full of sadness and disappointment. He couldn’t even off himself right. He thought he had seen Delilah talking to him, but he couldn’t understand the words that were coming out of her mouth. He could get the sensations that she was feeling though, and he hated to see anger, pity and sadness in her eyes.

His neighbor had heard him screaming during his nightmares and then heard him shouting ‘nonsense’, he guessed that she wasn’t fluid in galactic standard, he thought sarcastically. She called the police and an ambulance. They had saved him, when he didn’t want to be saved. 

Then, one day, the psychologist that he had when he was a teen, entered his room.

“Doctor Taylor?” he questioned slowly.

She smiled at him and nodded “Oh Ianto, my gods how’ve you grown! And you’ve always called me Sarah so let’s leave it like that.”

He felt his bubble popping.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m on your medical records, since I managed to help you last time...the medics thought that I could help you again. At least, your sister did.”

“My sister?” He asked confused.

“Yeah, she passed by a couple of days ago, but you were still...unresponsive.”

“Oh.” Ianto didn’t know how to feel about that, he hadn’t seen her since that Christmas with...Lisa.

He sighed exhausted.

Sarah sat down next to his hospital bed. 

“They told me that you were in the terrorist attack.”

Ianto laughed “Yeah. The terrorist attack. You never get to know the real story, do you Sarah?”

She frowned “What is that supposed to mean?”

He smiled slightly “Nothing...yes I was...my...my girlfriend died.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. They’re all dead. They left me alone...”

“Twenty-seven people survived.”

“Great. Twenty-seven out of eight hundred. What a lucky bunch we are.” he laughed again.

“Ianto...when people experience this kind of stuff, they have a long road of recovery ahead of them. You can’t expect to feel better after such a short time. It’s gonna hurt and it’s gonna burn, but grieving is a complicated process. It’s all about trying to get better.”

“I’m tired of trying Sarah...”

“I know sweetie...but what do you think your girlfriend would have thought of you giving up?”

“She’s gone, she can’t think of anything” he intended for the statement to sound enraged but he was drained of all the anger that he had.

“That’s where you’re wrong...she’s not gone. She’s always gonna be with you. Here...” she put a finger against his temple “...and here.” She put her hand on his heart.

He swallowed.

“Now...how would she want you to be?” She repeated the question.

He bit down his lip, he didn’t want to start crying again. “She asked me to remain strong.”

Sarah smiled encouraging “Tell me about her.”

The half-order lingered in the air of his room. 

He inhaled.

“Her name was Lisa Hallet, and she was the most amazing woman I’ve ever met...”

*

A month later he was in front of Delilah’s apartment. A big suitcase in his hand. He knocked.

The door opened after a minute and was met by Delilah stoic stare. 

“So...you weren’t joking then” she said resentfully.

He rolled his eyes. “No, I wasn’t. I came here to pick up Arthur.”

She nodded and went to retrieve the cat “You’re taking the train or...?”

He followed her “No, I’m moving to Cardiff...so I’m taking my car.”

She stopped “Wait so you’re not simply going to be staying at your sister’s for a while?”

“I’m always amazed by your talent on understanding just what you want to hear, Delilah” he said annoyed.

“Oh found your sarcasm again?” she said irritated.

“Not funny.”

“Yeah well, I have a right to be angry. After everything that happened...you’re running away.” She said matter of factly.

“I’m not running away!” he said shocked by her statement.

“You are! You’re not facing your problems, you just want to leave them behind and forget about them!”

He shook his head “I’m not! Why are you saying stuff like that? Shouldn’t you be happy that I’m trying to get better?”

“Can’t you get better in London?”

“No, I cannot! Everywhere I go, I see her. I can’t move on like that. I’ve lived in this city for four years. I did _everything_ with her. Theaters, cinemas, parks, restaurants, museums. There isn’t a place where the ghosts of me and her weren’t happy once. This city is suffocating. I need to get away from all of this, Delilah.”

“I don’t wanna lose you” she said firmly.

“You won’t be losing me, you can come and visit me every time you want.”

“It’s not the same thing though!” she said with a new found anger.

“You’re being selfish you know that?” he said, offended by her attitude. 

“Selfish? Just because I don’t want you to go?”

“Yes! Because I need to do this. I know you don’t want to be on your own, but I. Need. To. Go. Away.”

“You think it’s just because I don’t want to be alone? What if what _I_ need is for you to stay? You’re not the only one who lost Matt and Lisa you know!?”

Ianto flinched at their names. “I know they were your friends too but I can’t stay here Deli. I saw unimaginable things that day...apart from the death of our friends, I lost everything.”

“This is not a competition on who is hurting or lost more!” She exclaimed. 

“I know! But as my friend you have to let me go, because if I stay in this city one more day, my neighbor won’t be there to save me next time.”

“Ianto!” She said shocked.

“What? Do you think that a couple of talks with my shrink and what I felt that day would all go away? That’s not how it works!”

“That’s what I’m saying! I loved Lisa. Fuck, I loved Matt so much...and I love you too Ianto! I can’t take care of you if you go away.” she said frustrated.

“I don’t need taking care. I need to do this on my own. It’s a complicated situation, and to be happy again, I need to find a new meaning for my life.”

“And you’ll find that in Cardiff?” She asked skeptically.

He threw his hands up in the air “Fuck Deli! I don’t know! Maybe? I need to start a new chapter of my life and I can’t do that in the city where the ghosts of my past still roam.” 

Her shoulder sagged as she handed him the cat cage. “Fine. Goodbye then.”

He took Arthur and shook his head “C’mon don’t be like this. We’ll see each other again.” 

She stared at him in the eyes and then sighed. 

After a second she got on her tiptoes and hugged him. “I’ll miss you so much, Yan. Call when you arrive in Cardiff.”

“Maybe one day I’ll be able to look back at these memories and find out that it doesn’t hurt anymore, but it’s not now, it’s too soon. I’ll miss you too Deli.”

When he got to the door there was just this tiny thought nudging his brain.

“Deli?”

“Yes?”

“Did you and Matt ever...?” He asked quietly.

She stared at him and then a sad smile appeared on her face “Yeah. One time. New Years. We were both drunk, but I confessed that I liked him. He had no clue the poor chap.”

“What happened after?”

“You really don’t wanna know Ianto.”

“Why? What do you mean?” He said confused.

She passed a hand on her face and then stared at the ground. “He said he wanted to quit his job, that he couldn’t stand his working hours anymore. That we could be a couple when he had more time for us to be. That he didn’t want me to wait every month to have just one date.” She said mechanically as if she had replayed that conversation in her head a thousand times. 

“Oh.” he said, swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat. “He never said.”

She laughed sadly “Well he never quit either, did he?”

“Maybe he hadn’t found the right time.”

“Yeah, maybe.” She wiped a rebellious tear that escaped her eye.

“I...need to go.” He said.

She nodded. “Yes. Of course. Bye Ianto.”

When he arrived in Cardiff there was a terrible storm. He smiled and turned to Arthur 

“Thank god it’s raining.”

*

After three months he still had trouble sleeping. For the majority of his life he relayed on sleeping pills, but now he had no intentions of taking even one. At least that way, If he had a nightmare, he could jerk awake almost immediately, instead of being trapped in it for hours. This way it became a routine for him to wake up at three in the morning and then pull an all-nighter. He still felt tired after a nightmare but he had no intentions of going to sleep again; so he would either watch crappy television shows that aired on tv in the early morning with Arthur as company, or he would go for a run to clear his head. 

He changed a couple of jobs since he moved to Cardiff, he had been a waiter, a cashier, a worker in a transport factory and now once again he worked in a cafe. Not because he had been fired from every job he tried, it’s just that recently he lost interest in everything he did very quickly without even knowing why. It’s not like he actually needed a job, with the amount of money that the Crown gave him to keep his mouth shut on what really happened at Canary Wharf he could live around five years without working if he was careful with how he spent them. But that was blood money, and he didn’t want to use it. Also, he needed a distraction from his own thoughts. 

The main reason he moved to Cardiff was because he needed to find a point in his life, and so far, it wasn’t really going well. He felt hopeless, moody, irritable, he either felt too much at once or nothing at all. He was stressed by all his mood swings and as a result he started smoking again. 

Food was becoming a problem, it’s not that he didn’t want to eat, it’s just that he almost never had an appetite, so he had to force himself to put something in his stomach and try to let it say down. 

It was one of those nights that he decided to go for a run in Bute Park that he heard someone grunting in pain. 

He ran in the direction of the pained noise and saw a weevil pinning a man to the ground about to rip his throat out. His body moved before his mind realized what was happening. Picking up a stick he found on the ground he started hitting the weevil with it. Since the weevil was focused now on him, the man on the ground got free and helped him by surprisingly spraying the weevil to pull him to the ground again. He then proceeded to put a bag over its head and injected him with something that made him stop moving. 

They were both in the shadow of a tree, so when they regained their breaths and got out of the shadow, their faces were both illuminated by the moon light.

Ianto smiled “Thanks for the help” but when he looked at his helper better, his smile slipped away immediately.

The man in front of him froze too.

“No, thank you...” the man said quietly “And you are?” he asked easily.

Ianto frowned and with anger he asked “A couple of months pass and you’ve already forgotten about killing my girlfriend, Captain?” He tried to keep his emotions at bay.

Jack’s eyes widened “W-what? You haven’t taken Retcon?”

Ianto gave him a disgusted smile “You’d have loved that, don’t you?” 

Ianto felt that he didn’t want to stay there, talking with Lisa’s murderer, so he just turned his back to the man and started walking away.

“Wait! Ianto! I want to talk with you!” He heard Jack call him.

But he didn’t turn back.

Ianto thought that that was the end of their encounters. He didn’t expect for the captain to show up at the cafe where he worked. 

Ianto didn’t even try to smile “What can I get you sir?” 

How did Jack find him? Did he made Toshiko track him or look him up?

“Black coffee, strong.” Jack smiled.

How dared he? Gripping the counter was the only thing he could do not to punch that smile off his face.

He took a deep breath “sir” he acknowledged.

When he delivered the coffee Jack inhaled the aroma and after he drunk a sip he said “Wow, this is the best coffee I’ve ever had”.

Ianto just raised his eyebrows at him and said “Is there something else I can do for you sir?”

The captain nodded and gave him a thousand watts smile “Sure you can! Can I talk to you in private?”

Ianto shook his head “No” he said resolutely.

Jack sighed “Ianto-“

“Sorry sir. I’m working.”

“So when does your shift end?”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” He said curtly.

“Same time tomorrow then?” Jack insisted and before Ianto could respond to that comment Jack was already out of the shop.

Ianto quit the job. And no, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to see Jack Harkness again, even if that was one of the reasons. He was tired of making coffee and nothing else, he loved coffee but rude costumers and horrible work hours wasn’t worth it. He decided not to have a job for a while and just rest, even if that gave space to all kind of thoughts to float in his head.

A couple of days later he was resting on the sofa looking at the ceiling, bored out of his mind, when he heard someone knocking at the door. He frowned, who could ever be? Usually his sister phoned before coming to visit him...maybe a neighbor?

He got up and opened the door.

Right in his front door was Jack Harkness, coat, smile, jawline and all.

“You’ve got to be kidding me” he muttered and tried to shut the door close in his face, but Jack stopped it with his foot.

“Ouch...” Jack hissed. “Listen to me” he tried to say.

“No, this has to stop. You’ve got one second to get away from my apartment or I’ll call the police” he said decisively.

“No, but the thing is-“ 

“I don’t care what you have to say! Get the hell out of here! And if you keep stalking me I’m getting a restraining order.”

He went to close the door again but Jack peeked in the space that was still opened and shouted “I want to give you a job!”

Ianto stopped his action and looked at him in the eyes. A beat passed and then “Come in, you get five minutes for what you have to say and then I want you out of here” he moved out of the way and opened the door completely, Jack shooting him a grateful smile.

Ianto went to his living room and instead of sitting on the sofa he just stood there and crossed his arms, waiting for Jack to follow him.

“So?” He asked annoyed when Jack finally entered the room.

Jack shifted on his feet, the silence in the roomawkward “As I said...I want to give you a job.”

“Why?” Ianto said immediately.

“Well...we need an archivist...someone to help and keep our base in order...” he said casually.

“No, why are you asking me?” he asked flippantly.

“Because you’re the best one” he responded prepared.

“Because I’m the _only one_ , you mean” he corrected.

“I’ve always thought you were a good archivist,I’ve wanted to hire you before, didn’t I?”

“Yes. Before. Why would you think that I want anything to do with Torchwood now?” the ‘with you’ implied.

“You haven’t taken retcon” he pointed out.

“Yes, but not because I didn’t want to forget Torchwood.”

Jack mouthed an ‘ah’ and the room went quiet again. Ianto could see the cogs working in his brain.

“What about your loyalty?” Jack changed approach.

“What?” Ianto asked incredulous.

“When we first met” Jack clarified “You said that you were a very loyal person. That if anything happened to One then your loyalty would stand with me.”

Ianto laughed humored by what Jack was implying “You? Yes I said that, but loyalty and trust is not something people give you Captain, it’s something that you have to earn. Also, I said that before you put a bullet into my girlfriend’s head.”

“She wasn’t your girlfriend anymo-“ Jack started but then cut himself short. He sighed.

“What about your loyalty to Torchwood? To the principles that we stand for? And I’m not talking about ‘what’s aliens is ours’. You never stood for that, and neither did we at Three. I’m talking about the real principles: protecting people, preparing the world for the future, understanding the universe better. Are you turning your back on that?” he asked instead.

“Torchwood turned its back on me first” Ianto whispered. 

Jack frowned and inclined his head to one side in question.

“Do you think that I don’t blame Torchwood for what happened? It wasn’t just the Daleks a-and the c-cybermen’s fault. We were supposed to protect people, the whole planet, from bad aliens. Not thriving for power and knowledge and underestimating the unknown. They lied to us! They said that the ghosts shift were safe! It could have happened way before that day and we did nothing to stop them. How could we? We knew nothing! Yvonne and her secrets...and you people didn’t do anything either.”

“One and Three were never a united front, you think that Hartman said something about her little science experiments with us?”

Ianto exhaled tiredly “Anyway...now there is nothing we can do, it’s in the past. Yvonne died for her mistakes, and so did eight hundred people.”

Jack nodded sadly “I knew someone there, she was on the list of the dead...she didn’t deserve to die.”

Ianto got for the first time closer to Jack since until now they were conversing from a distance. He punched lightly his chest. 

“No one deserved to die that day. Not in that way.” He locked eyes firmly with Jack, daring him to say the contrary. 

Jack took a step back and raised his hands in defense “Of course, sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

“What about all your work there, it’s gonna be all for nothing if you don’t come back and-”Jack didn’t even see the fist that came to his face.

“Haven’t I done enough?!?” Ianto shouted “I said to you that dammed day that ‘I did my duty’, you can’t just get here and throw me again into the organization that destroyed my life in the first place!”

Jack massaged his cheek “I probably deserved that” he then nodded and his head dropped to his chest.  
  


“Why are you here, _Jack_ , really? You don’t actually need an archivist. If you did, then you’d have hired someone a long time ago when I refused.”

Jack gnawed the inside of his cheek and then he shook his head helplessly “You want to know the truth?”

Ianto nodded.

“Ever since I saw you at the park that night, I can’t get you out of my head.”

Ianto’s jaw slaked “What do you mean?” he asked defensively.

“Well, we met before the battle, after the battle, and then that night at the park-“

“If you say that destiny brought us together, I swear to god I’m gonna throw another punch at you.” Ianto interrupted him “What if the reason ‘you can’t get me out of your head’ is because you feel guilty about what happened?”

As if exhausted he dropped on the couch. 

“I do...feel guilty, I mean. But that’s not the reason I want you on my team. I see potential in you, I always saw potential in you. You’re different from everyone on my team, you’d balance us really well.”

But Ianto was more interested about his first statement “You don’t have the right to feel guilty. Because if you really feel guilty, then that would mean that you didn’t want to kill Li-my girlfriend. That you aren’t a monster and from what I saw that day, you really are one.”

Jack got up again from the couch and started pacing in the room. “What do you want me to say Ianto? That I’m sorry? Because I did say that” he said frustrated.

“No!” Ianto shouted “I wanted you to give her a chance! I wanted you to save her!” he was trembling slightly and he felt his throat closing but he was determined not to show Jack that he was hurting, more than he imagined.

“She couldn’t be saved!” Jack shouted back “And even if, somehow, she could, at the end of the day, I did what I had to do. Because I prefer having one woman on my conscience than another eight hundred people that one cyberwoman going mad could have killed.”

This time it was Ianto that dropped on the couch and covered his face with his hands. “And what am I supposed to do, then? With those memories I have?”

Jack kneeled in front of him, but didn’t dare to touch Ianto’s knee in comfort. “Why do you think I’m asking you to come and work for me? I didn’t realized before, but you’re torchwood, you’re my responsibility” he said softly.

Ianto raised his head to meet Jack eyes.

“So, if I’m your responsibility, you’re asking the other survivors to work for you too?”

Jack gave him a tight smile “Most of them chose retcon. The others won’t even think of going back to Torchwood. And even if one of them would, that person wouldn’t be as perfect for the job as Ianto Jones.”

Ianto raised his eyebrows at the last comment, but ignored it. He looked up to the ceiling and said absently “I just feel that everything I did there was worthless, in the end. It all burnt, research, the majority of the archives...all people’s achievements.” Then with a small voice he added “Was it worth it? What we did? Is it worth it? Going back?”

Jack didn’t know if that question was directed at him or if Ianto was just thinking out loud. 

But he just made a decision.  
  


Jack stood up and extended a hand to Ianto “Come with me.”

Ianto stared at the hand and then got up himself. “Where? It’s late.”

“Not that late. I want to show you something.”

Ianto knew that deep down he was already considering Jack’s proposition. He hated the fact that he was considering it. Wasn’t Torchwood the reason for all this mess? But Ianto just felt out of depth with out it, it’s like once you knew what torchwood had to offer to your life, you could never go back. Just like a drug, Ianto thought glumly. After months of trying to go back to normality, he understood that normally wasn’t really what he wanted. So he nodded.

“Lead the way.” he said.

Jack brought him to a boat, and then an island. Then he explained Flat Holm to him. It was the most hopeless place he ever saw. But on the way back to land Jack told him “See those people? They wouldn’t have a life without Torchwood, without us. It’s not the best life, but it’s the best we can offer. That’s why it’s worth it, what we do. I want you to help me with them, if you’d like...and of course ordering the archives, we do need an archivist, I wasn’t joking about that. So what do you say?”

The wind was making those words that Jack spoke more quiet. The cold of the night had Ianto shivering. He felt something awaken inside of him, the long forgotten adrenaline that came with doing something that mattered. 

“Yes” he said, but seeing Jack’s smile he had to add “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t hate you, or that I trust you.”

Jack’s smile faltered just a bit but he said “A wise man once told me, that trust is something I have to earn, and I’m going to do just that.”

When the boat arrived Jack said “Report to work tomorrow. Our base is under the Plass, come in front of the tourist office” he winked “It’s our secret entrance” 

“Of course it is.” Ianto rolled his eyes.

Then more seriously Jack said “I’m glad you’re gonna be part of my team. Welcome to Torchwood Three. The twenty first century is were it all changes, and we got to be ready.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is! Writing this took ages, I hope it was worth the wait.  
> I really need to stop apologizing for my writing time, this is the pacing I’m gonna write the story. It’s just that university takes a lot out of my time. Also! This took a little more than usual since supernatural ended and I was concentrated on that hahaha. Jack is also coming back on Doctor Who for the special! Can’t wait to see him again.
> 
> Regarding the story though, Lisa’s death was one of the first thing I imagined writing. There is no pterodactyl...yet.  
> Ianto’s journey to flat holm was supposed to be way longer and inspirational but I cut it...  
> I kept some of the lines that were from the episode ‘cyberwoman’ since in this story things are gonna go differently, obviously.  
> Can we get a RIP for the death of half of my ocs? Hahaha.  
> (The title is the name of a song)
> 
> Comments are always well accepted! (Really they warm my heart) but if you want to talk anonymously I also opened a tumblr page: @/aquariusdeanw  
> See you next chapter <3


	4. The Martyr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for this chapter: usual themes discussed in the series.

The day after his encounter with the captain, Ianto woke up early, around seven o’clock. It’s not like he was gonna sleep much anyway, without his pills he didn’t have a good night sleep since before the battle. Tiredly, but at last with a purpose, he got up, went to his bathroom to take a quick shower. After, he opened his wardrobe, bypassed his favorite suits (most of them were presents by Lisa) and chose to wear a simple black suit, with a white shirt and black tie. He went to the kitchen and arranged a cup of coffee that would help with his tiredness. He wasn’t really hungry so he decided not to have anything for breakfast.

Taking his car, he arrived on the Plass around half past eight. It looked like a calm Monday, not many people around. Somehow the tranquility of the environment settled his nerves a bit. It was obvious why he was a little agitated, he was returning to Torchwood, the place that both saved and destroyed his life. Working for the man that had killed his girlfriend.

He shook his head to clear his brain, there was no time for that kind of thoughts. He took a deep breath and started walking towards the tourist office. Once in front of it, he peered inside through the glass door, but it looked like no one was in there. 

He waited another five minutes outside, before the silhouette of the captain appeared and opened the door of the building. 

He eyed him from head to toe, checking him out, and then he gave Ianto his trade smile. 

“Ianto! I didn’t expect you this early. Can I just say you look _stunning_ in that suit?” he leered. 

Ianto raised one hand, gave him a ‘don’t start’ look and told him“You said to come in the morning without specifying the time, so I just came to what I assumed to be a respectful hour.” 

Jack nodded and inclined his head in a gesture that said ‘follow me’ and started “Oh we do start to work around this time, but Owen never comes until half past nine and Toshiko is prohibited to come until nine expect in case of emergency, she’s always the last one to leave. Suzie is already here. What I meant is that I didn’t expected _you_ , to come this early.” 

Ianto gathered the information that already gave a lot away about the personalities of his new colleagues. Once entered the tourist office, he looked around, it seemed normal enough, if not a little dusty. 

He raised an eyebrow when he noticed the papers on the desk “This isn’t a really convincing cover to be honest, these leaflet are from the early nineties and when was the last time someone cleaned in here?”

The captain had at least the decency of looking sheepish, his mouth inclined in half a grimace “Yeah we don’t really have the time for things like this...we’re a small team - it’s another thing I wanted to speak about with you.”

Ianto’s eyebrow followed the other “What-“

Jack reached a button on the other side of the desk and pushed it, revealing a secret entrance. Jack turned excitedly to him “We’ll talk about the details of your job later. Here, follow me, I’ll give you a tour of the hub.”

“Hub? Great name” he said dryly. 

Jack gave him an exaggerated pout “It is a great name. Don’t mock it.” Then he disappeared behind the door, Ianto on his tail.

The hub wasn’t like Ianto expected it to be. He didn’t know why he assumed it to look like an underground torchwood tower, but he could have never imagined it to look like it was straight out a science-fiction movie. 

As Ianto stared in silent awe, Jack smirked at him “Not so bad after all, huh?” 

“It’s...” he started to form a compliment in his head to describe it, but then he trailed off when he got a better look at the work stations “...dirty.”

Jack gave him an outraged look “ _Dirty?!?_ That’s the first things that comes to your mind?”

A snort behind them caused both of them to jump a little. 

A woman that he vaguely recognized was staring at them, with a little amused smirk on her face. She got up from her work station and approached the two of them. 

“You gotta admit Jack, that yours and Owen’s desks are a pigsty” she remarked.

“Suzie your desk is not in a much better condition” observed Jack.

“Mine is an organized mess, yours is just a mess.”

Jack smiled diverted and turned to Ianto “This is Suzie Costello, my second in command.”

Ianto nodded and extended a hand towards her. She smiled politely at him and shook his hand firmly “Ianto Jones right?”

Ianto nodded “It’s a pleasure to meet you in better circumstances.”

This time her smile was more genuine “I can’t believe that Jack finally hired an archivist. I bet our archives are full of amazing artifacts that are just waiting to be studied. We really need your help, downstairs is complete chaos.”

Jack put a hand on Suzie’s shoulder “No need to scare him off just yet Suzie.”

“I’m glad I’ll be able to help” retorted Ianto.

“Wanna join us while I show Ianto around?” asked Jack.

“Sorry but I can’t stay around for the rest of the tour. I’m writing a report and I really wanna finish it before the peace of the hub is destroyed by Owen’s morning complains” with that she went to her desk again.

Jack grinned at him “Follow me, I’ll show you where I keep Barbara”

Jack started walking towards a set of stairs that led underground.

Ianto frowned “Who?”

Jack turned and winked at him “You met her before. Come on, come with me.”

Ianto followed Jack in what looked like a couple of underground cells. Jack pointed at one of the cells which contained a weevil. 

“You called the weevil that we caught Barbara?” Was the first question that popped to his mind.

Jack sighed sarcastically “I know, the name doesn’t fit. I’m still trying to find a more suitable one.” 

Ianto rolled his eyes, and went back to staring at the weevil. Strangely it wasn’t snarling at them, just staring with those inhuman eyes. 

Ianto felt shivers run down his body. 

“Why are you keeping a weevil down here?” 

Jack shrugged “Owen studies the aliens that we capture, it reveals a lot of information that could help us in future cases.”

Ianto seemed to consider that for a couple of seconds before asking “Torchwood One studying or Torchwood Three studying?”

Jack blinked at him, and then said resolutely “We don’t kill aliens here. At least not the not harmful ones. Once Owen finished with this one, it goes straight down the sewers again.”

Ianto nodded satisfied “Good. I don’t...I don’t like keeping living things imprisoned.”

Jack smiled brightly “That’s good to hear.”

Ianto shifted his gaze from the weevil to Jack “I have a question. Since we are talking about Owen.”

“What about him?”

“Well...not him in particular — but I wanted to ask what your team thought of you hiring me. You know, since I’m from One.”

Jack nodded in understanding “You’ve seen how happy Suzie is to have you here. She was the one to ask me to hire an archivist before I even met you. Tosh is super kind and gets along with everyone and Owen...Well he wasn’t too happy about you working here, but not because you’re from One. He thinks it’s too soon after the battle, but in the end he craved in when I told him that you’d do no field work and that you agreed to a monthly medical visit for now. Either way even if one of them didn’t agree with you being here it wouldn’t change anything. I’m still the boss, I make the decisions. It’s true that you came from a traumatic experience, but don’t let them fool you, so did they. Maybe not one as big as the fall of One but still pretty traumatic...but I don’t have to say that, don’t I Ianto? The first time we met you seemed to know a lot about my team, was there some truth behind your statements or was it all just a scene?”

Ianto cringed “A bit of both?” He tried to laugh the question off, but when Jack just raised an eyebrow waiting for him to continue, he added “It’s true, the archives had information on them, but not about their recruitments. For example: I know that Toshiko Sato was held prisoner by UNIT because she allegedly committed treason, but I don’t know how she came to work here. I know that Owen Harper worked as a doctor in London but quit his job after the death of his fiancé, again, I don’t know how he is here. I know that Suzie—“

“Okay I get the point” Jack laughed, “But I’m asking you not to talk about it with them, I’m the only one who is supposed to know these personal things, even them can’t see your file. I guess that you’re even with them since they know you were at the battle of Canary Wharf but don’t know how I hired you. As I said, I’m the only that knows what’s in your personal file. On the other hand, only Owen can access to your medical file, from now on, he’s your doctor.”

Ianto nodded in understanding, then murmured “So...you know what’s in my personal file?”

Ianto got a flashback of Yvonne asking him about his childhood during his interview, he really hoped Jack wasn’t gonna do the same thing. 

As if reading his thoughts Jack put a hand on his shoulder “It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it.”

Ianto nodded gratefully, he could kind of seepity and some other emotions behind Jack’s eyes, but of course from all he knew, Jack thought that he had been abused by his parents forcing him to run away from his home. 

“So...can we continue the tour?” He asked trying to change the subject. 

Jack lifted his hand from Ianto’s shoulder, but showed no intention of moving. 

“One more thing,” he said “What do you know about me?” his tone was regarded of any emotion.

Ianto tensed and swallowed “Nothing,” he lied, maybe responding a little too quickly “There was nothing on you Sir.”

He couldn’t tell Jack about the fact that he thought he was a time traveler. He wasn’t even sure if it was the truth. Yeah okay there were old photos of a person with his name that really resembled him, but it didn’t exactly mean that he was a time traveler. Even if that was the most plausible explanation. Either way he wouldn’t tell him, for one he didn’t trust him. How would Jack react if he knew that Ianto knew his secret? They both didn’t know each other well enough to share the skeletons in their closets. The last person Ianto opened up about his secret past was Lisa, and he did that after years of knowing her, in an extreme situation. No, he wouldn’t trust someone else so easily. Especially not Jack Harkness. 

Jack just stared at him trying to find the lie in his words, but Ianto had been lying his whole life, he was good at it, he kept a passive mask on until Jack smirked satisfied “I bet that drived you crazy.” 

He started going up the stairs.

“Not really Sir, I was not that much interested in you.”

“You really wound me Ianto.” Then he suddenly stopped and Ianto almost bumped into him and fell off the stairs.

Jack turned to Ianto again and frowning he asked “Then I don’t understand how you knew I was talking about the Doctor when we had that conversation.”

Ianto wanted to kick himself for revealing too much that day. Hell, at the time he thought he would never see the captain ever again!

He shrugged nonchalantly “It was just an educated guess. We were talking about the morality of killing aliens and if I know one alien that has a strong opinion about that, it’sthe Doctor; and I just happened to agree with most of them.”

Jack crossed his arms to his chest “So you’ve met him?”

Ianto shook his head “No, there were a lot of documents about the Doctor in our archives. I was just playing a bit with you Sir.” 

Jack stared at him in silence for a second before sighing in disappointment “Pity. He’s a great man.”

Ianto gave him a rare, tiny, smile “I’m sure he is.”

Once Jack showed him the armory, the shooting range, the locker rooms and the garage, they re-emerged in the center of the hub where there were two other people at their work station.

Suzie lifted her head for what she was writing “Jack you were gone for so long that I thought the weevil ate Jones.” 

“Barbara” corrected Jack.

“I’m not calling the weevil Barbara” she rolled her eyes and went back to writing.

The other two members however, were watching him with interest.

Toshiko stood up and walked to him to offer her hand “Toshiko Sato.”

“Ah, the computer genius, I’m glad to finally meet you in person. Ianto Jones.” Ianto shook her hand.

She ducked her head slightly “Just wanna say...all those hacking I did to One...”

“Nothing personal” concluded Ianto smiling politely, and he received a grateful nod.

From his desk Owen bellowed “Nice of you to join us Jones, and I thought that after the way I found you, you’d never set foot in a another Torchwood building ever again.”

Ianto narrowed his eyes and said “Thanks for your _indispensable_ assistance that day, you were _very helpful_ , you really saved _my_ life.”

Owen frowned, but before he could say anything Jack interrupted “Okay, okay, calm down already you two.”

And he shot a look at Suzie when she muttered “I told you hiring Owen was a bad idea.”

Owen didn’t hear her and scoffed “Right...Jonesy I have to give you a medical and I will do so every months until I know you won’t go all Jack Torrance on us.”

“You have no tact Owen” taunted Toshiko.

“I don’t get payed to be gentle Tosh. C’mon Jones let’s get this out of the way.”

Ianto stood there bewildered “What? Now?”

Owen gave him a suffering sigh “Yes _now_ , we don’t know when a rift alert could happen. I have time now, Jack can show you the rest of the place later.”

With that he went to his autopsy bay.

Ianto shared a look with Jack, who patted him on the back and said “Better not make the good doctor wait. Once you’ve finished come to my office.” 

Ianto followed Owen, with anxiety raising in his stomach. He always hated medical visits, not that he had many since he arrived on earth, but when he did the doctors always made him uncomfortable. T1 was the exception, the doctors there were strangely disinterested in his scars, or his past medical history, which was strange considering that he thought Yvonne took interest in him. 

Ianto stopped mid-walk and frowned, every employ at One had at least two medical visits per year, but they only called him one time when he was first employed and that was it. Now that he thought about it, his memory felt a bit fuzzy trying to remember his visit, it almost gave him an headache trying to recall what happened. He blinked a couple of times trying to shake off the feeling that something was wrong.

“Oi! When I said now, I really meant right now.” Owen shouted from the med bay startling him out of his thoughts.

He set foot in the med bay and was pleasantly surprised when Owen pulled the curtains to give them privacy.

“Don’t want the captain to get too excited” he grumbled half-explaining. 

Ianto stood awkwardly in the middle of the room while Owen retrieved a file and when he looked at him he rolled his eyes “hop on the autopsy table will you? I don’t have all day.”

Ianto nodded “Why isn’t there a kind of bed?”

“There isn’t much space in here. Also, it’s not like I treat a lot of alive things.”

“Reassuring.”

“Oi! I have a degree, I’m a perfectly qualified doctor thank you very much. Mind you, I didn’t spend all those year studying just to be questioned by someone that is barely an adult.”

Ianto scoffed “Someone got out  the wrong side of the bed this morning. There can’t be that much age difference between us.”

“I’m twenty seven, still older than you so I decide who to call young or not. Now answer a few questions, as I said I don’t have all day.”

“Shoot.”

Owen looked down at his file “Right...full name?”

“Just Ianto Jones.”

Owen started writing “Age and date of birth?”

“24. August 19th 1983. Isn’t this stuff already written in my old medical record?”

“Yes, but I’m making a new one, now shut up.” 

After measuring his height and weight he started muttering to himself but Ianto didn’t dare to speak.

“Alright, shirt off.”

Ianto sighed, he guessed it would have happened sooner or later. He quickly took his shirt off and folded it neatly beside him. 

Owen blinked a few times at his chest and couldn’t help but say “Jesus who did a number on you?”

Ianto winced at his tone and then rolled his eyes “Is that a medical question?”

Owen got a little closer to examine that scars better, making Ianto quite uncomfortable “These are too old for Canary Wharf” he stated.

“Yeah” he didn’t offer more.

Owen shifted his gaze from his chest to his eyes to his chest again and then went around the table to take a look at his back. 

“Fuck,” he murmured then he walked in front of him again “Mate, I know that your family medical history is pretty useless because it says that your folks are not your biological parents...and I don’t know anything about your personal file, only Jack knows that, but this...” he gestured at his chest “...this is pretty heavy shit. By the look of it these are really old. I’ve seen in my career abuse, but never close to this...”

“How do you they’re from abuse and not just from — I don’t know...an accident I had?”

“Did I mentioned that I’m a really good Doctor?”

“Is this really important?” Ianto protested.

Owen shook his head “Calm your horses. I really didn’t want to pry...whatever...sorry — look, all I’m trying to say is, I hope that whoever did this to you, payed in the end.”

“God I hope so too,” he whispered darkly.

Owen’s eyes flashed as if he wanted to ask something, but then his eyes just dropped to the file again and said “Okay let’s continue with this.” Owen put his stethoscope against his chest and Ianto flinched at the cold metal. 

He listened to his heart a couple of times and then put the stethoscope against his back making Ianto lean a little forward, them wrote something on the paper. 

“How’s your hearing?” 

Ianto shrugged “Normal? Why?”

Owen pulled his otoscope from his grown and started checking his ears “From what I could tell from the reports of that day, things got pretty loud.”

Ianto shivered but he was sure it wasn’t because he was shirtless in the cold room. “Ah...I suppose...I didn’t really noticed, my focus was more on not dying.”

Owen snorted “Yeah okay, from what I can tell there isn’t any evident damage to your ears or lungs. I can’t say though if the fumes you inhaled that day will be a problem in the long run but,” he shrugged cutting himself off. 

_‘But who knows if we will be around long enough to see’_ Ianto concluded in his mind.

Torchwood Three didn’t have a retirement plan. Torchwood One did, but it didn’t make much difference in the end.

Then Owen turned to him with a tourniquet and a syringe in his hand “Bloodwork. My favorite” he added somewhat grinning.

“Sadistic vampire.” 

“You got that right.” 

Ianto had to concede to the doctor that he didn’t even feel a pinch.

Owen dislodged the tourniquet from his arm “Alright you can put your shirt on for the next couple of questions”

Ianto did just that, Owen chewed his pen for a couple of seconds before asking “As I said your family medical history is useless, unless you know something about your biological parents.”

Ianto gave him an empty look.

Owen sighed “Alright. Alright. Sorry, had to try. Next...your past hospitalizations...I gotta say, you’re a pretty careful person...you’ve been to the hospital only three times in your life and two of them are this year.”

Ianto shrugged “I don’t get sick much.”

“I can see that...first time at seventeen because you broke your leg, here it says that you fell.”

There was a strange intonation to the phrase as if he didn’t believe it, so he felt the need to add “Yeah I fell pretty hard from a stairwell.”

It was the truth, he just omitted that the reason he fell was that he was running away from one of his father’s rampage and didn’t notice the steps until he was hugging the pavement.

“Right” muttered Owen still unconvinced. “Next there is the day of the battle, glad to hear that you actually went to the hospital, I had my doubts there — and then the morning after, you stayed there for a couple of weeks...suicide attempt.”

Ianto scratched the back of his neck “I didn’t...I couldn’t...” he sighed trying to find the right words.

Owen held his arms up “Look, Ianto, I did some fucked up shit in the past too, you don’t need to justify yourself. I see here that you were helped by a psychologist...I just need to know that you won’t do it again, or at least call someone, preferably me if you ever feel like that again. Grief and trauma don’t disappear so easily.”

Ianto frowned, they were barely colleagues “Call you?”

Owen sighed annoyed “Is there an echo in here? Yeah call me, I’m your doctor, your health is my responsibility. I’m not a psychologist, but I can give you meds if you need them,” a beat passed in silence “Look you’re not seeing your psychologist anymore right?”

Ianto nodded.

“Is it because you’re better or because you couldn’t stand her anymore?”

Ianto laughed a little “Nah she’s great. I just...what I did that night...Owen, I was in shock, I didn’t even have the time to process what just happened, and I felt so...” he trailed off “anyway doctor Taylor helped me a lot. It won’t happen again.”

“Mhm okay, I guess part of it was the doctors faults. What the hell were they thinking? Discharging you from the hospital the same day without even giving you a psych consult.”

“Useless UNIT doctors” Ianto muttered, but Owen heard him and smirked “Yeah, a bunch of incompetents if you ask me.”

He looked at his chart again “Alright. Last but not least, are you taking any kinds of medication?”

“Nope.”

Owen frowned at his file “Antidepressant? Sleeping tablets? Here it says that you have a history with them.”

“After I was discharged I took antidepressants for a couple of weeks, but then doctor Taylor said that I didn’t need to take them anymore and sleeping pills...I don’t need them either.”

Owen look thoughtful “Huh. So you’re sleeping at least eight hours a day?”

“More or less” he lied.

“Okay, but if you need them you can ask me.”

“I probably won’t.”

“Also you’re a bit underweight, try to eat more otherwise I’ll have to give you vitamins and supplements.”

“I’ll try.”

“Yeah, right. Okay, you can go.”

Ianto hopped off the autopsy table “You won’t...” he hesitated “you won’t talk about my last hospitalization with Jack right?”

Owen nodded “None of his business. I won’t tell him, unless I have to, that is, I think that without putting you in the field you’re not gonna trigger any traumatic experience, so for now you’re good.”

Ianto nodded “Okay. Good.” He started climbing the steps to the center of the hub.

“Ianto,” Owen called him back, and when he turned he continued “I’m...sorry, that I couldn’t do anything that day.”

Ianto blinked and got the impulse to scream at him “You didn’t even try!” but he just nodded.

When he left Owen to his job it was around twelve o’clock, and while he was going to what he assumed to be Jack’s office he was stopped by Toshiko and Suzie.

“Ianto! Do you want to eat with us? We ordered chinese food” Tosh held up a couple of envelopes.

Ianto was a little hungry since he didn’t eat breakfast, so he asked “Owen and Jack?”

Suzie patted him on the back and started going in the direction of the boardroom “I already asked Owen and he said that he’ll eat later. Jack is talking to someone on the phone at the moment.”

“Oh. Alright.”

Once they started eating, Suzie broke the ice “So what do you know about Jack?”

Ianto almost choked on his rice “W-what do you mean?” 

They talked about how they knew almost nothing about their leader and were disappointed when Ianto lied and said that he didn’t know much about him either. That also threw Ianto’s plan to know the captain better with asking question to the team.

After lunch he went to Jack’s office, assuming he finished talking to his phone. He knocked and waited for Jack to respond “come on in” to enter the room. Jack smiled at him “everything alright with Owen?”

“Yeah, it’s all good. You wanted to show me the rest of the hub?”

Jack pulled a face “Yeah about that, I really only need to show you the archives, and I think I can show you them tomorrow, don’t want you to quit the job on your first day.”

Ianto laughed quietly “With Suzie’s comment and now yours I don’t even want to immagine in what state the archives are.”

“Yeah, don’t even try to imagine it, it’s nothing compared to what it actually is.” He eyed him for a moment “Ianto, at least sit, you’re making me nervous standing like that.”

Ianto settled on the chair in front of the captain’s desk “So you wanted to talk about my job prescription?”

Jack nodded “Yeah so...of course you’ll be our archivist, remember me to give you the codes and password for the secure archive. Then I’d like you to spend a couple of hours everyday in the tourist office, you know, so that it actually looks like one.”

Ianto snorted “Okay I can do that.”

“Also...since you won’t go out in the field, at least for now, would you mind you mind to clean a bit in here? And feed the weevils and get lunch or dinner for the others or-“

Ianto held his arms up to stop him “Woah, woah, woah. Where is all these other things coming from? What, you’d like me to be your butler or something?”

Jack shrugged “Do I take that as a no? You see, for these things we have a rota here, but most of the times during cases we are really overworked. I was thinking that hiring another person, especially one that won’t be too occupied with missions, would lift a bit the weight off the other’s shoulders.” 

Now Ianto felt a little bad about the way he responded. He pondered on the suggestion “I guess that I could help...this place does need a cleaned up.”

Jack grinned “Perfect! Also...would you mind making the coffee for us? Starbucks sucks and we lose a lot of time just to get there...and your coffee may be the best coffee I’ve ever tasted in all my life.”

“Captain, no need for more persuasion, I already agreed to work for you” Ianto said drily, then he nodded and shrugged, he didn’t mind making coffee, quite the contrary. 

“But I don’t get why you can’t show me the archives now, it’s not that late.”

Jack just waved at him with his hand “Nah, it’s your first day, go home early, come here tomorrow at the same time and then I’ll show you around the archives.”

Ianto frowned “Are you sure? I don’t mind staying as late as the others.”

Jack winked “I’m sure, do I have to make that an order Mr Jones?”

Ianto gave him a tiny smile and got up from his chair. “No need sir, I’ll let myself out.”

“You know that you don’t have to call me sir, right?”

“You’re my boss” he pointed out.

“Yeah but around here no one calls me sir. Same goes for the suit.”

“I like to separate personal and professional.”

“Just giving you the heads up, you won’t hear me complain if you look like that everyday.”

Why was Jack flirting so much with him? He heard the rumors when he was in London, but he thought that with their history Jack would at least held back a bit. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow sir, have a goodnight.”

Jack nodded appreciably “Goodnight Ianto.”

Ianto said his goodbyes to the others there and he left the hub with Suzie shouting at his back “It’s great to have you here Ianto!”

As soon as he was out he thought about how he told more lies that  day than in all of his entire life.

Once he was at his apartment he fed Arthur. He was absently scratching his ear, hands twirling in his fur when he checked the voicemail of his phone. 

« _Ianto...I know you’re busy but can you please call me back? I haven’t seen you since...you know...and now that you’re in Cardiff alone...I worry. We could see each other for dinner or something, now that you’re closer it would be less difficult. I know that the kids miss you. Listen, call me back when you hear this and then we’ll talk._ »

Ianto passed a hand through his face, scratching his eyelids. He sighed. He hadn’t talked to his sister since the day he moved to Cardiff, when he called her to give his new phone number. He didn’t even remember the last time he saw her, when she supposedly came to visit when he was at the hospital. She was still signed as his next to kin. If she thought he changed so much from when he left home when his father died, his sister wouldn’t even recognize him if he went to her right now. It’s not like he didn’t want to see her, he didn’t want her to worry; because he knew she would, just like his mother. God, he didn’t even want to think about his mother, he really should go and visit her, but then she would know something was wrong with him. She always knew. Just like when he was a barely a teen and came home with puffy eyes trying to hide the fact that he hated school, and she immediately call him out and practically forced him to talk to her. And what was this thing about the kids missing him? David maybe...but he doubted Misha even remembered or cared about him. He shook his head, he would call her another day, when he was feeling better and not still shook up from Lisa’s death. He would not be able to answer her multiple questions right now.

Yeah, he would call her later. 

*

Jack was wrong, the archives weren’t complete chaos, the archives looked like Godzilla just went through them and then a hurricane passed as well. He betted that not even by mistake something was in the right place; that’s why he spent most of his morning in there trying to clean up. 

Jack looked up from a file he was pretending to read when Owen entered his office.

“What’s up?”

Owen looked at him with hesitation as if he busted into his office on impulse and now had no idea what to do. 

“Owen, the last man that looked at me like that, I spent a very pleasant, if not kinky, evening so...”

Owen scowled at him “In your wet dreams Jack.”

Jack put a hand on his heart as if to say that he hurt him deeply “If you’re not here to play doctor and patient, then what do you want?”

Owen frowned at the file he had at hand and then at him. 

“I have Ianto’s bloodwork results. Something’s wrong.”

That got Jack’s attention immediately, he sat up straighter in his chair. 

“What do you mean something’s wrong?” He asked alarmed.

“He has some strange antibodies...”

“Strange as in...he’s not human?” Jack asked slowly.

Owen frowned “No! At least I don’t think so...What are you talking about?”

“Owen! I don’t know, you won’t say anything! Spit it out!”

  
“Alright,” he sat down in the chair in front of Jack “You see, he has an amount of unknown antibodies in his blood, and I have no idea what they are for or where they come from. The weird thing is...most of them match up with the ones in your blood.”

“What? Let me see.” He practically snatched the files from Owen’s hand.

“This is impossible.” He said looking at the results. 

Owen shrugged “I don’t know about impossible. You told me that your body produced them itself, after an accident with an alien that happened before I was here. So how come he has almost the same antibodies as you?”

“Almost?”

“Yeah, first of all you have more than him. Second of all, not all of them match up.”

Jack blinked at the file, then clapped his hands together “Well, there is just one thing to do then?”

“Which is?”

He raised his shoulders “Let’s ask him.”

“Ask him? What if he _is_ an alien and decides to kill us all?”

“Ianto Jones? The one that begged on his knees not to kill his girlfriend? That practically begged us to kill him too? That Ianto Jones, not a human?”

Owen tilted his head and conceded “You got a point.”

Jack phoned him, deciding it was faster that way than to look for him in the archives, and told him to go into his office. Sure enough, he appeared five minutes later in his immaculate suit as if he didn’t spent the last three hours in the world’s dustiest basements. 

“You ringed sir?”

“Yes Ianto we wanted to know if you could help us with something.”

Ianto shifted his gaze from Jack to Owen and then said “Sure, if I can. What is it?”

For a moment Ianto feared that Owen told Jack about his last hospitalization, but what he really asked threw him off guard for a second.

“Why do you have antibodies that no human in this century has?”

Ianto hoped that the other two didn’t notice his sigh of relief. The real answer to that question was simple: he wasn’t a human from the twenty first century. Some antibodies were hereditary, the others were simply produced by his body when he was vaccinated on his home planet. Fifty first century diseases were very different from the one in this century. He felt relief shoot through him because he knew how to answer that question untruthfully without raising too much suspicion. 

Jack tried to read Ianto, but he didn’t know himwell enough to know his ticks when he lied, and Ianto was good at keeping his face emotionless. 

“Ah, that’s easy,” Ianto laughed, it didn’t sound genuine but it didn’t sound nervous either. 

“T1 was doing experimental trials with some vaccines they crafted. I was in those trial my first year. I guess that is the after effect.”

Owen looked disgusted “Wait, they tried alien experimental vaccines on people? And you just volunteer for it?”

Ianto shrugged “I didn’t have much of a choice, everyone in research that was in his first year was obliged to be a subject.”

If anything Owen face looked even more horrified “The more I know about them, the more Torchwood One seems like a bunch of sick fuc-“ 

Ianto and Jack gave him a hard look, to which Owen rolled his eyes and raised his hands in surrender. 

“Anyway those vaccines must have contained something in common to what you had a contact with Jack, that’s why it’s similar.”

Ianto and Jack locked eyes, but neither of them spoke. 

Jack wouldn’t put past London to do something like Ianto suggested, but still, how did someone of the medics there almost nail how to produce antibodies to prevent fifty first century diseases? And what reason Ianto had to lie anyway?

Ianto on the other hand knew that Jack was lying, contact with an alien can’t give a person the full list of antibodies that he had. Maybe a couple of types but not all of them. His theory that he was a time traveler just kept becoming realer and realer. But he said nothing. 

Owen spoke again “Well then, Jack you were right, we just had to ask Ianto, but don’t let this go to your head.”

“Too late.” He wriggled his eyebrows.

With that Owen left and Ianto followed him muttering about Godzilla and the archives.

  
Ianto wondered how Owen spotted his peculiar antibodies right away while One never even mentioned them to him.

*

Weeks passed and Ianto had finally got a picture of who he was working with. In the beginning, between all of them, he got along better with Suzie. Suzie had the same work hectic as him, she was always serious regarding her work but at the same time she wasn’t humorless. She reminded him of his colleagues at T1. Between all of them, she was probably the one that enjoyed working at Torchwood more, she was always focused on some project and often asked him to bring artifacts from the archives so that they could study them together. One time, they had to deal with a alien race that teleported on earth by mistake and with the help of a device she was working on, they fixed their teleport and got them home safely. She was so happy that day that she didn’t mind when when said aliens, which skin was all slimy, hugged her ruining her clothes. When they teleported and disappeared in a light beam she turned to him, and Ianto saw her smiling widely for the first time. 

“I love this job,” she whispered, but her heard her anyway and smiled in return. 

They spent a lot of time together and by the amount of time they spent at the hub he could tell that she was as lonely as him. He wasn’t sure though if he could be her friend outside of work. He still wasn’t in the right mindset to go out and enjoy a nice evening, go to the cinema or have lunch at a restaurant. To relish life in general. Sure, they were colleagues and they enjoyed each other’s company, but he had a feeling that Suzie needed something more. One time he heard her cry in the locker room but when he tried to confront her about it she just shut him out. They were similar in that regard too, he wasn’t someone to one up easily. Still, out of all the people why did she search comfort in Owen?

“Owen? Really Suzie?” He told her one evening when both Tosh and Owen already went home and Jack was god knows where outside. He didn’t want to pry, but Owen spent all day talking loudly about it and Suzie didn’t say anything to stop him.

“Don’t Ianto.”

“Out of all the people...Owen?” 

“What’s wrong with Owen?”

“He’s a wanker that’s what. And you hate him.”

She sighed “I didn’t think you were so judgmental Ianto. Let it go, we are just shagging.”

“Is that what that is?”

“Listen, the last thing I need is another man telling me what to do and who to screw.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“As I said, it’s just shagging. Why do you even care?”

“I’m your friend.”

“Is that what we are? I don’t need someone that worked at torchwood one to be my friend.” He knew she didn’t mean that, and that she said it in the heat of the moment, but it still hurt. 

“I bet your life was a piece of cake until Canary Wharf: great parents, university, friends, girlfriend. You have no idea what true loneliness and hatred are” she continued.

“What the hell is wrong with you? I was worried about you! But if you think you’re better that anyone else, then you can go shag Owen for however long you want. And don’t you even think of speaking to me if it’s not about work. I’m out of here.” 

With that he went to the cog door not even looking back when Suzie called him back “Fuck! Wait Ianto I didn’t mean-“

After that their relationship degraded from friendly colleagues to solely coworkers.  
  


His relationship with Tosh right now was on a level of polite company. Impossibly, Tosh was even more of an introvert than him. There was still some awkwardness between them, but they were amiable and kind to each other. The more days passed the more they were more comfortable with one another. 

Owen was an entirely different matter. Ianto understood from his first days with his new team that Owen was miserable and his entire objective was to make everyone miserable with him. Gone was the empathic doctor that he saw during the cybermen invasion, and now there was this person that Ianto would never even be near him if it wasn’t for the fact that they worked together. He even started to call him teaboy as if coffee and tea was the only thing that he did around the hub. He didn’t understand how Tosh stood him, it’s not as if she didn’t receive the same teasing and rudeness as he did from him everyday. He didn’t understand their relationship, but there was definitely something between them. One night, when everyone once again forgot to call him saying that everyone could go home, he spotted Owen crying in his hands while Tosh had an arm around his shoulders. He heard him mutter something about “eighteen months”; but the day after it was like nothing ever happened and Owen came to work as hungover as ever. 

He still didn’t know how to act around Jack. He still flirted with him but Ianto was glad that it would never go farther than that. While going through cases together he understood that Jack was a good leader, he still wasn’t sure about him being a good person. He saw Jack kill a lot of hostile aliens, he couldn’t fault him for that, but it seemed that the act of killing didn’t touch the captain at all.

*

_ “Did I tell you that he is the fastest person in the whole village? I swear to you Ianto, he won all the running races. One night he told me that he did that to impress Theo, our neighborhood’s son, which Javic had the biggest crush on. He isn’t just the fastest though, he’s also really strong. One time while we were on the beach, I sprained my ankle and he carried me all the way back home without breaking a sweat!” _

_ Ianto laughed, “Scoot over a little more I’m falling off this thing!” _

_ “It’s not exactly designed for two people you know?” _

_ “You wanted us to sleep together, so now scoot over!” _

_ “I am! There isn’t much space, wait — if I hug you this way...see! Perfect!” _

_ “Yeah, Yeah. You were saying?” _

_ “Oh yeah! Where was I? Oh! Yes! I sprained my ankle falling off a tree.” _

_ “You said you were on the beach.” _

_“There are trees on the beaches of Boshane, elaa, and I thought you knew everything_.”

_ “Uh excuse me, I know everything. I might have missed that insignificant detail.” _

_ “If you say so...do you think he’s coming for me?” The other kid’s tone shifted from playful to sorrowful.  _

_ “Who?” _

_ “My brother, stupid.” _

_ “Hey who are you calling stupid? That’s one insult I can’t except.” _

_ “Don’t try to change the subject.” _

_ “Look elaa, I...you are always sure he’s coming for you, why are you doubting him now? _

_ “Because if he’s the fastest, why is he taking so long?” _

His mobile phone jerked him away from his sleep. 

A dream? A nightmare? No..a memory. About Gray of all people. He sighed, he missed that kid so much. He self-consciously reached for the chain around his neck, giving the dog tags a little squeeze. 

The phone was still ringing, he reached for it blindly, patting his bedside table until it touched the mobile. 

“‘ello?” he answered it, his voice more sleepy than he expected.

“Ianto!” Jack cheerful voice was way too loud for his likings, “sorry to wake you, but the police found another body, similar to the last one. Get to the hub asap, we need someone there to guard it.”

“Yes sir.” He murmured.

He heard car engine rumble on the other side of the handset “You’re awake enough to drive, are you?”

“Yes, of course, not a problem. I wasn’t even sleeping, just napping. Anyway, I should arrive there in fifteen minutes.”

“Okay great, I’m off now, gotta drive. Again, I’m sorry to call you in when your day off hasn’t even started, you know how it is with cases.”

“Off days are overrated. Drive safely.”

“Don’t I always?” he could hear the grin in Jack’s voice, the line turned dead. 

“I guess no day off for me,” he muttered while he splashed cold water in his face to make the sleepiness go away. For once he didn’t have a nightmare and still he couldn’t get a good night sleep. “I have to cancel the visit with mum” he thought. A couple of days before Rhiannon had called him again, more angry this time, saying that if he didn’t want to see her then he had to have at least the decency to go visit their mother. 

After putting a random suit on he skipped the usual part about his morning when he made himself a cup of coffe because he had no time and went directly to the hub. 

It was pouring outside, but he didn’t mind at all, rainstorms were his favorite thing about living in Cardiff. 

Once arrived at the hub he put his comms on so that could hear what the others were saying. When he turned his comms on he could hear them talking animatedly in the SUV.

“...is it that in this forsaken country it always rains? God I’m so cold” that was Owen.

“Why do we have to bear the rain and your moaning at the same time?” was Suzie’s response.

“Sir, I have arrived” he decided to interrupt the two.

“Great Ianto, we’ll see what this is about and then we’ll come back. Can you call the police department to tell the SOCO to clear the area? Don’t want them around, especially since Suzie wants to try the glove again.”

Ianto shuddered, he hated that thing, not because it was alien, but because no one should be able play with life and death. Still, he followed the orders “Right away Sir.”

He could hear the rain patter in his ear and the sound of Jack babbling about his usual nonsense. 

“Love this planet” he heard him conversing casually “Still, at least I won't get pregnant. Never doing that again.”

Ianto froze. Was he joking? Ianto himself could get pregnant, he was from the future when it was no news that a male could get pregnant; main reason why when he lived in London in the beginning, he tried to sleep most of the time with women, and he only topped when he was with men. He mentally added that to the already long list of things the suggested that Jack was not from this time and planet.

“How's it going?” He could hear Jack ask.

“Nothing yet. It's got to connect. I've just got to feel it” he heard Suzie reply.

_Good_ , he thought. Don’t feel it and just leave that man to rest in peace, wasn’t it enough that he had been murdered? 

“Hurry up and feel it. I'm freezing my arse off here.” 

Ianto rolled his eyes, Suzie was right, that man never stopped complaining.

“I can't just flick a switch. It's more like access. It grants me access.”

“Whatever that means.”  


“It's like. Oh, oh, oh.” 

Ianto sighed, it was happening, the man was coming back to life.

“Positions!” He heard Jack order.  
  


“If I get punched again, I'm punching him right back” came Owen’s snark.

“Just concentrate,” he heard Jack say to him, then “Suzie.”

Then the patter of the rain suddenly disappeared and Ianto heard an unknown voice gasp for air.

“There was. What was. I was, I was. Oh, my God. I was going home.”

Ianto swallowed hard the lump that formed inside his throat. God, why were they doing this?

“Who are you?” He heard the man ask.

  
“Trust me. You're dead” he heard Toshiko’s voice for the first time.  
Not a great punchline, he thought grimly.

“How am I dead?” The poor guy sounded so confused. 

  
“You were stabbed” straight to the point, Owen.

  
“I'm not dead. I can see you.”

  
“We've brought you back, but we haven't got long. I'm sorry, but you've got to concentrate. Who did this to you? What did you see?”

  
“Why am I dead?” 

This was not going well, as always.

“Who attacked you?”

  
“I don't want to be dead.”

Ianto shook his head, when the guy was murdered he probably wasn’t even aware of the fact that he had been killed. He supposed that he didn’t die painlessly but at least fearlessly, too shocked to feel that emotion. And now what they were doing? Bring him back just to let him die again, only that this time he would be scared. 

“Sixty seconds.”

  
“You've got to think. Just focus on me. What was the last thing you saw?”

“I didn't see. I don't know.”

  
“Who killed you? Did you see them?”

  
“I don't know. There was something behind me.” 

“Police said one stab wound in the back” said Owen. Ianto scoffed, who was the coward that literally stabbed people in the back?

  
“So you didn't see anything” concluded Tosh.

  
“No. What happens now?”

That’s what he also would like to know. 

  
“Thirty seconds.”

“But he didn't see anyone.”

“Don't waste it” protested Suzie.

  
“What else do I say?” asked Tosh slightly panicked.

  
“What's your name?” Jack took the reins.

  
“John. John Tucker.”

“Okay, John. Not long now.” 

Ianto smiled, at least one of them tried to comfort him.  


“Who are you?”

  
“Captain Jack Harkness. Tell me, what was it like when you died? What did you see? John, tell me what you saw.”

Ianto’s smile slipped away, what did it matter what he saw? That men was gonna die again in matter of seconds. 

  
“Ten seconds.” Suzie said, almost to prove his point.

  
“Nothing. I saw nothing. Oh, my God. There's nothing.” 

_God, let him be wrong_ , Ianto preyed. He didn’t believe in heaven particularly, but nothing? He really hoped he just didn’t remember what happened when he died.

  
There was silence on the line, then the rain restarted.

“Shit. I said it was stupid, telling him he was dead” he heard Owen say.

  
“Well, you try it” complained Toshiko.

  
“Trust me, like that's gonna work.”

  
“Told the last corpse he was injured, he wasted the whole two minutes screaming for an ambulance. Maybe there's no right way of doing it.”

Jack had a point, Ianto conceded, then he heard him shout “What do you think?”

Ianto frowned, who was he talking to? 

He heard Owen snigger.

“What happened?” He asked through the comms.

“Nothing teaboy, Jack just scared the shit out of a copper.”

“Didn’t realize she was watching us  commented Suzie.

“Do you need me to track her back at the hub?” Tosh asked Jack.

“Nah, even if she saw us, no one’s gonna believe her” he heard Jack respond.

“Ianto, I want hot coffee back at the hub” he heard Owen say.

“Funny how you always call me Teaboy except when you actually want coffee” he snarked. 

He heard Jack chuckle then say “Please Ianto.”

“Of course Sir.”

When they arrived he had prepared coffee for everyone. 

Jack smiled gently as he took his “Thanks Ianto, you can go home now.”

Startled Ianto asked “What? Why?”

“You left yesterday at 10pm and I called you at 2 am. You must be exhausted, you can come in later.”

“I can stay Sir, I’m good.”

“No you’re not!” He heard Owen shout from t the medbay, he was putting John’s body in one of the mortuary cabinets. “What did I tell you about sleeping at least eight hours a day?”

Jack bit his lip to contain his laugh, probably at look of exasperation that he had on his face. 

“How is it that that rules is only for me?” He complained.

He expected Jack to laugh at him again but on the contrary he nodded “You’re right,” he then raised his voice “Everyone go home! I don’t want to see you until at least seven hours!”

“You won’t be telling me twice” Owen was practically sprinting out of the hub. 

“Goodnight Jack.” Both Tosh and Suzie said at the same time.

In mere minutes the hub was empty and Ianto had to concede defeat to a grinning Jack.

“You can still take the day off if you want” started Jack.

“No, thank you. I’d prefer having a day off while we’re not working on a case, you could need help at anytime. It was stupid of me to ask you in the first place.”

“It wasn’t stupid. Anyone needs a day off, but yeah, maybe not when I could interrupt you ten times during it. Did you need it to rest or was there something that you had to do in particular?”

“Nothing too important. Goodnight Sir.” He concluded their discourse. 

“How many times, it’s Jack!” He heard Jack complain while he was going out, but Ianto could hear the smile in his voice.

It was around 11 am when he finally arrived at the hub to start his day. He tried to sleep more but he only managed a couple of hours before being woken up by a nightmare. Then he spent a couple of hours at home reading Journey To The Center Of The Earth, a book he had bought simply because he remembered that his biological father had it in his library, it kind of amazed Ianto how a book written in 1864 would still be around after thirty-two centuries. 

When he arrived down the hub, he saw that no one was there. He frowned, if something big came out of the rift Jack would have for sure called him. He turned on his comms and immediately heard the team chattering calmly in the SUV. Much like a severals of hours ago.

“Sir, what happened?”

“Ianto! You’re at hub, good, good. Nothing big, just an alert of a weevil in a hospital.”

“How in the world did a weevil get in a hospital?”

“Beats me.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“I was feeling pretty bad for taking away your day off. The least I could do was let you sleep a little more. But like I said, nothing much, just a weevil. The guys were bored and decided to come with me. Better safe than sorry anyway.”

He went to the archives to start his usual work but kept his comm open in case of a emergency. After a while he heard the usual grunts and heavy breathing that always happened during weevil hunting, and then the SUV sprinting away. When they arrived back at the hub Ianto was just coming from the archives to make himself a cup of coffee.

“Ianto! Coffee!” said Owen immediately when he saw him passing by.

Suzie smacked him on the back of his head “Never heard of please and thank you?”

Ianto gave her a smile and she smiled back, the first time after so long.

Owen rubbed the back of his head “Yeah, yeah whatever. Teaboy can I please have a cup of coffee?”

“But of course Owen.” He said dryly, “I assume, you all want one?”

Jack and Suzie nodded and Tosh said “Yes please.”

When he arrived with the coffees he said “So what did I miss? What were y’all discussing. And also...where is the weevil.”

“The copper came back” informed Owen.

Ianto frowned “The one that you saw the crime scene?”

“Yup that’s her, Jack took her away from the scene while we handled the weevil. A guy got his throat ripped out. She followed the SUV, so we used the invisible lift to disappear. The weevil is still in the trunk though” confirmed Suzie.

“I’ve just checked CCTV, but it seems that she’s gone now” Toshiko said from her work station.

“A fiver she comes back” announced Owen.

“You really think she’ll come back ?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, she’s too intrigued now.” 

“I agree” stated Suzie.

“We’ll see” concluded Jack.

Sure enough, around 5 pm, she appeared on the Plass, and she stayed there looking for them for three hours before disappearing. Then she reappeared with a pizza around 8:30 pm.

“This is getting ridiculous” stated Suzie.

Jack grinned “Oh I’m so gonna have fun with this. Ianto, tourist office, let her in.”

“What?!?” asked the four members simultaneously.

Jack’s grin was full of mischief “I think it’s time we give Gwen Cooper our welcome.”

He explained his plan.

When Ianto got to the tourist office, he went into the unused backdoor space, it had a coffee machine, not as big as the one down the hub, but still useful when he was working up there. He made himself a cup when he heard the door opening. He smiled to himself before appearing through the beaded curtain. 

“Oh, hiya. Sorry I'm late. Someone ordered pizza” the girl said. 

It was the first time he actually saw the girl up close, bless her, she was actually carrying pizza.

“Who's it for?” He asked, actually wondering what was her big plan, did she really think that they let the pizza men enter their secret base? 

“I think it's a Mister Harkness” 

Oh, Jack was gonna enjoy this way too much.

He closed the door of the tourist office, he didn’t want any other civilian to enter while he pressed the other button to open the secret door. The police woman look at him with wide eyes and he had to keep himself from laughing out loud at her look. 

“Don’t keep him waiting.” 

She walked in with the pizza and when she turned around Ianto let himself snort with amusement, it had been fun. He let her have a couple of minutes of advantage before following.

It seemed that their skit didn’t go very well in the end since the first thing he heard once down again was Jack almost pouting “Come on. She was gonna say here's your pizza, and I was going to say, how much? And she says, oh, whatever, twenty quid, and I say, ooo, I don't have any money. I was working on a punchline. I'd have got there. But it would've been good.”

Suzie and Tosh exchanged a laugh while Owen’s grind was so big that Ianto could feel his amusement from where he was.

Gwen Cooper looked both confused and on edge.

“There's your pizza. I think I'd better go.”

This time it was him and Owen that snorted at the same time.

“I think we've gone past that stage” Jack said obviously enjoying playing secret spy with his secret base. 

  
“You must've been freezing out there. How long were you walking around? Three hours?” Suzie asked.

  
“You could see me?”

  
“And before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of Torchwood?” Jack asked seriously. 

  
“Er yeah, that'd be me. I'm sorry. I'm a twat” admitted Owen.

Ianto rolled his eyes, that man was gonna be the end of him.

  
“That man at the hospital, that porter, what happened to him? That was real, wasn't it. He was attacked” she asked.  


“He's dead” Jack said.

“But there's no one gone missing” she asked confused.

  
“We took the body, retrospectively changed the work rota, planted a false witness who saw him leaving the hospital, giving him an alibi for the next forty eight hours, so when his body's pulled out of the docks next Tuesday night, he's only been missing for three days” Tosh explained.

“He was murdered.”

  
“Yes.”

“And you covered it up.”

Ianto quietly sighed, this was getting repetitive. 

  
“That's my job” Tosh shrugged.

  
“And that other man, John Tucker? Last night in the alleyway, I saw you” she addressed Jack.

“And what did you see” 

  
“You revived him.” 

  
“No. What did you see?” Jack asked.

  
“You resuscitated him.” 

  
“No. What did you see?” He repeated.

  
“You brought him back to life.”

  
“Yeah.” Jack confirmed finally pleased with the answer.

Ianto rolled his eyes again, that man was so dramatic.

  
“Who are you?” She asked.

  
“Torchwood.” 

“What's Torchwood?” She was shooting ten questions per minute. 

  
“This is Torchwood. All around you.” 

  
“And what happens to me? I'm police. Constable Gwen Cooper. You can't do anything.”

Owen sniggered, as if they were going to kill her and hide her body. 

  
“Right then, PC Cooper. Do you want to come see?”

  
“See what?”

  
“You saw the murder. Come and see the murderer.” 

There he goes again with the dramatics. 

When Gwen stood still Suzie urged her “Go with him.” 

That’s what got her moving. 

  
“What is Torchwood? Who are you? What is this place?”

“Are you coming?” Jack called her.

When the two were out of earshot, the four of them bursted out laughing. It felt good laughing carelessly again. Then they moved to take a slice of pizza and started eating, so fast that they were almost inhaling it, as if they didn’t eat in months. For once they were eating at their workstations, but not before Ianto threatened them with instant if they made a mess. 

“God she’s thick isn’t she?” said Owen through a mouthful of pizza.

“Aw c’mon, a day ago she didn’t even know what a weevil was, you can’t expect her not to be a little confused” defended Tosh.

“I wasn’t really that confused when I got here” retorted Owen.

“Same” shrugged Suzie.

“Yeah, me neither” he added.

“Aw c’mon Ianto! You were working for One before coming here!” protested Tosh.

“I was clearly taking about when I was recruited for the first time.” 

“Huh, not even a little?” This time Suzie asked the question.

He wriggled his eyebrows “Nope.” He wasn’t gonna offer anything more.

He had known about the existence of aliens all his life.

“Not even a little bit, really?” Owen seemed genuinely surprised and interested “do tell.” 

But then suddenly they heard Jack’s voice again and he smirked because he was given a wait out.

“C’mon I’ll introduce you to my team.”

He stopped in fort of Owen, Gwen on his trail.

“Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper.”

“Doctor Owen Harper, thank you” he corrected.

  
“Toshiko Sato, computer genius. Suzie Costello, she's second in command.” 

The girls both nodded and smiled. Then Jack turned to him.

“And this is Ianto Jones. Ianto cleans up after us and gets us everywhere on time. He also happens to be the best archivist on earth.” 

Ianto’s heart melted at Jack’s introduction of him.

  
“I try my best.” He inclined his head pleased.

  
“And he looks good in a suit.”

Okay, that’s the Jack he knew. 

  
“Careful. That's harassment, sir” he tried to say it sarcastically, but he actually sounded like he was flirting back. Which he was. Just a little to wind him up.

  
“But why are you telling me their names? I'm not supposed to know, am I. This is classified, isn't it?” 

  
“Way beyond classified” agreed Jack.  


“Then you shouldn't be telling me. What are you gonna do to me?”  


“What do you imagine?”

  
“Well, I've seen too much. Your names and everything, and the Weevil. And you can dump a man in the water and lie about his death.”

He and Owen exchanged another amused look, he was kind of bearable when he wasn’t being an ass.

  
“Okay. Tosh, finish that calibration tomorrow morning. Owen, first thing, get a hold of Chandler and Bell, cos I think they're lying. Ianto, if he needs back up, then you'd better be on stand by. Suzie, I know it's a pain in the ass, but I need the costing on the glove research. And as for you, you're coming with me. This way” he told Gwen, not before mouthing ‘Retcon’ to the others. Once Jack’s orders left his mouth everyone got moving, acting seriously for the first time since Gwen stepped a foot in the hub.

“I'm getting tired of following you” complained Gwen, but she really didn’t seem to mind.

“No, you're not, and you never will. Stand on here. Come on, next to me” Jack said with all the confidence in the world. 

With that they stepped on the invisible lift. 

  
“Good night!” Shouted Tosh.

  
“Later!” Said Owen with the same volume.

  
Suzie was already out. 

“I’ll clean this pizza, and then I’ll head home. Unless you need help Owen.”

Owen weaved at him “Nah I got it. Keep your phone on though.”

“Sure.” 

After he finished cleaning the hub, he went to the tourist office since he preferred the stairs to that death trap that Jack called elevator.

But before he could get out he got a text on his phone from Jack.

‘Retconed her. She was too enchanted by my charm to notice that I slipped it into her drink ;) isn’t she supposed to be a cop? You know what to do, follow procedure.’

Ah yes, since Jack sent Tosh home it was his job to erase anything she might write on her computer that would help her remember. He hacked her and waited for her to finish writing before erasing it all and then shutting everything down.

Once home he went immediately to bed, he could finally rest.

The next morning everything seemed to be back to normal. Nightmare, hub, coffee, cleaning, archives, tourist office, Jack’s flirting, Owen’s complaining, Suzie’s protect, Tosh’s work on predicting a rift alert. 

Except it wasn’t a normal day. He was woken up in the middle of the night. He groaned into his pillow “I’m never gonna get a good night sleep” he muttered.

“Mmmm yeah?” He said into the phone.

“Ianto...” Jack’s voice filled the silence of his flat. But it wasn’t the usual adrenaline-we-got-a-case filled voice. That made him frown “I’m awake, what do you need Sir?”

He heard Jack laugh quietly at his sleepy tone, but even that laugh seemed forced. 

“Ianto, if you got any alien artifact with you at home, I need you to bring it back at the hub, right now.”

His frown deepened, “We are not allowed to take artifacts outside the hub” he stated confused.

Another little laugh, even sadder now, there was something going on, so he asked “Sir, what happened what’s wrong?”

“If you don’t have any...come at the hub right now anyway. Something did happened but I’d prefer to tell you in person.” 

That did not reassure Ianto’s peace of mind at all, but he didn’t question him, he just got dressed really quickly and sprinted to the hub.

He was the first one there and what he saw froze him on the spot. There at the hub was Gwen Cooper sat on the sofa with a blanket on her shoulders and splatters of blood covering her clothes. Jack was standing up, quietly talking to her in a reassuring voice. He didn’t look good either, his shirt was also covered in blood and he was pale, his eyes clouded with pain. As he stepped in, Jack’s head turn to him. 

“Ianto...” he said quietly.

Again, his voice sounded wrong. He looked calm but he could tell that something wasn’t right.

“Sir, what’s wrong? Why is she here? Didn’t you retcon her?”

Jack nodded “Yeah...she...remembered.”

Ianto frowned “How?” He was getting annoyed by Jack’s short responses “Can you please tell me what’s going on? Why did you ask me about alien artifacts?”

Jack put a reassuring hand on Gwen’s shoulder before he started walking towards him, as if he wanted to talk in private.

“Ianto...” he sighed looking at him right in the eyes.

Oh. 

Oh, wait. 

He knew the look that Jack was giving him. He had seen that look two times in his entire life, and it always meant the same thing. The Doctor and his sister had that look when...

“ _Jack_ , who died?” He asked slowly.

Jack seemed surprised, he didn’t know if it was because he read him so well or simply because he called him by his first name.

Jack gave him a forced smile “Suzie.”

A second passed in silence.

“Huh?” 

He thought he was prepared for the news, but apparently he was wrong. Suzie couldn’t be dead. She was Suzie. _Suzie!_ Suzie that could sharp shoot you from miles away. Suzie that was the best between the four of them in hand to hand combat. Suzie with her brilliant ideas and sharp mind. 

Suzie, his friend.

“Suzie’s dead” Jack repeated silently, he tried to put a hand on his shoulder but Ianto immediately shrugged it off.

“What do you mean Suzie is dead? How? Was it some kind of alien?A mishap with an artifact or-“

“She killed herself” he interjected.

Ianto felt like someone punched him in the guts. Suddenly, his legs felt week so he lowered himself on the sofa next to Gwen. 

“You okay?” Jack asked concerned. 

Ianto gave him a torn look that said ‘what do you think?’

“What is she doing here?” He asked instead, pointing at Gwen.

“Suzie...killed those people. She was the murderer, Ianto. She was on the Plass with the murder weapon, she admitted to the crimes and also tried to kill Gwen.”

“That can’t be right!” He exclaimed in disbelief “That doesn’t make any sense! You’re wrong. This is Suzie we’re talking about!”

“I’m sorry Ianto, I didn’t want to believe it either, but she also tried to shoot me.”

“But why?!?” He didn’t understand.

“I think...it was the glove, she was too attached to it. It changed her. She killed those people just to test it.”

“Do you think she was under the influence of it?” That would make more sense in Ianto’s mind.

“I don’t believe so...I just think it drove her crazy.”

“She tried to shoot you and then?”

“She shot herself.”

Ianto head was still shaking in denial, but how could he not believe what Jack was saying? He buried his face in his hands. He felt more than saw Jack’s comforting hand on his shoulder. That’s when Owen and Tosh entered the hub. Ianto got up, and left Jack to tell them, deciding to go to the kitchen and make some tea for everyone. When he got back and handed the tea that was accepted with a quite ‘thank you’ it was clear that the news didn’t shock only him. Neither Tosh or Owen were crying, but it was written in their face, the shock, the anger, the sadness, the confusion.

To his utter disbelief, both Owen _and_ Tosh had taken artifacts at home for their personal use. From Owen he kind of expected it, but Tosh? She did have a rebellious steak in her, but it was still very irresponsible thing to do. Had it been another day, he would have scolded both of them for talking stuff from the archives without telling him, but Suzie had just killed herself not even an hour ago, he wasn’t about to worsen the situation.

Jack gave them a pointed look “This won’t happen again, understand?” 

Both of them nodded without any argument.

“Suzie is in the morgue, drawer 006, if you want to say goodbye, but if you don’t feel up to it, you can do it another time. If you want to do it now, you can but then I want you all to go home. Don’t come in tomorrow, I won’t call you unless the world ends.” 

The three of them nodded, and while Tosh and Owen went straight to the morgue, Ianto made a little detour to put the artifacts back to the archives in their right place. When he went to the morgue, the other two were already gone. With a trembling hand he opened the drawer and the body bag.

He cringed at the sight, the angry red entrance wound under her chin unpleasantly evident in contrast to the pale skin.

‘Lisa was shot in the head’ his thoughts considered without really a point, which triggered the image of Lisa’s dead body inside his head; he really wished that he didn’t see Jack shoot her that day. 

He took a step backwards and shook his head trying to stop the tears from emerging. 

He closed his eyes and took a steady breath, but then the beautiful memory of Suzie genuine laugh made him whimper quietly. He always considered her to be a lot like him, maybe not exactly the same, but a murderer? 

He still couldn’t believe it. 

He forced himself to open his eyes and look at the body again.

“Why?” He whispered “Why did you do it? I don’t understand. You could have talked to someone...if the pressure was too much...you could have talked to me. You accused me of not knowing what true loneliness was...but I do,” a single tear escaped his left eye “I really do. There was a time when I knew no one on this earth. I would have understood you, Suzie. I know that we fought, but I wouldn’t have turned you down if you’d have come to me. I know it’s difficult to talk, I did what you did too, well, not killing people...this other thing. I’m just now realizing that you didn’t talk a lot about you. Do you have a family? You didn’t share. I know I didn’t share either, and that I didn’t ask. But that’s why we were so alike, we didn’t need to share to know that we were both lonely. We didn’t make up Suzie. Why did you have to go before we could make up?” He sighed, another tear rolling down his cheek.

“I can’t forgive you for what you did Suzie. Those people lives weren’t worth something as futile as your protect. You played with life and death, just like Yvonne Hartman. You people would always do anything for knowledge, why can’t you see that there is more to it than rocket science? So no...I can’t forgive you for that. But I forgive you for the things you said last time we fought. And I’m sorry too, maybe I shouldn’t have been so harsh, I pushed you away.” 

He was brushing his tears away when he heard Jack ask “Hey, you okay?” 

He looked up and saw Jack approaching him, he shrugged, and dried his face with his hands.

“You must think I’m a wuss. You always catch me in the worst situations” he laughed silently. 

“Ianto, this is only the third time I’ve ever seen you cry and I don’t think you’re a wuss. You have every reason to cry. I always thought you’re one of the bravest man I ever met.”

“You know, you’re the second person that said that to me, I might start believing it.”

“You should. Ianto you’re only twenty-four and you went through so much,” 

‘you don’t know the half of it’ Ianto thought.

“And I know I’m the one that dragged you back to Torchwood, and I’m happy you’re here. But I would understand if one day you decided you’d be better off without it. Look at what it did to Suzie.” 

Ianto shook his head “I wasn’t doing much with my life after the battle. It’s still too soon for me to tell if it was the right decision coming back, but I’m glad I did.”

“I’m glad too... and Ianto, just so you know, tears don’t mean weakness, I cry all the time if that comforts you.”

Ianto snorted “I’ve never seen you cry.”

Jack shrugged and looked down at Suzie’s body. “I cared a great lot about Suize, but I feel more guilt than sadness. How couldn’t I notice what was going on with her.”

In a moment of clarity, Ianto went to the other side of the room where Jack was standing, and suddenly hugged him tight. He could tell that Jack was surprised because his arms came around his back only after a couple of seconds. Ianto marveled the feeling of being physically comforted, something that he had to learn to held back in this century. The hug was only slightly awkward, and Ianto tried not to think about the fact that he was supposed to hate Jack. 

When he took a step back he couldn’t help but laugh at Jack’s still surprised face. 

“What? You’ve never received an hug?”

“What was that for?” He asked stunned.

“Tonight was not your fault Jack. No one saw the change in Suzie. You shouldn’t blame yourself” he told him firmly.

Jack for the first time gave him a small smile. Not a grin, a leer or a flirty smirk. Just a smile. And he looked beautiful.

“You’re finally calling me by my name.”

“Don’t get used to it, Sir” he deadpanned.

Jack groaned but Ianto could tell that he was amused.

“What are you going to do with Cooper?”

“I’m don’t know, she’s still here. I’ll have to talk to her.”

“Mhm.”

“Go home Ianto. Get some well deserved rest.”

He nodded “Alright. Goodnight Jack. I’m sorry about Suzie, you knew her longer than me.”

“We were all her friends...Don’t you even dare to come to work tomorrow, I’d sent you right back at home.”

“Alright, I won’t” he feigned exasperation and started to walk away. 

“Goodnight Ianto.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished writing this!  
> Sorry it took longer than usual, I’m in the middle of uni exams ahaha. (Just so you know, it takes me time to post also because I spend a lot of time fixing the grammar errors in the previous chapters)  
> The canon series started!  
> I know that most of you want Jack to discover about Ianto and viceversa, but it’s the main plot of the story, I can’t unravel it all in one chapter ;). Remember that this story is first of all a love story between Jack and Ianto, so I have to write about their growing relationship.  
> There is also another little mystery in the story but I think that with this chapter it’s becoming pretty obvious.  
> Who’s the martyr in this chapter? Another thing that’s obvious hahaha.  
> As usual, your comments are well accepted and warm my heart.  
> See you next chapter!


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